You can rant here

Maybe it will work this time. I am old and sick and afraid of being alone at night especially but i will have to be soon. Does anyone know of a place i can go at night to be around others

I still haven

I'm feeling tired. I love my daughter a lot but she wears on me at times. She has bi polar/ Asperger's. Lately she is going into a manic stage & has become verbally cruel. She has been easily angered & expects me to read her mind then when of course I don't because it's impossible she gets snappy. She has started belittling me even in public telling me what to do & treating me like she thinks I can't think for myself. I'm a young 66 but slowing down. I'm feeling beaten down so I've started to prefer not to do things with her. I refuse to go if she acts up. But I sometimes have to take her & as I am her payee so i must go in order to pay for Drs, meds or other things she needs. Many places won't allow me to send a check with her to pay since its signed by me they want me there to accept it. She is reminding me of my verbally abusive exhusband. She is 40 and has lived with me for the last 6 years after getting a divorce and her symptoms becoming worse so she couldn't work. I helped her get on disability & have given her a lot of support finding help. I have had no time to myself since she's lived with me. I miss my quiet time & time with friends. My friends don't understand & don't invite me anymore. It seems like everyday she has some crisis. I live with chronic pain myself from a MVA & a botched foot surgery, so since I can't work finances are tough. She makes a big mess everywhere & doesn't clean it up. Keeping 2 sets of financial books is a pain. She's clumsy so breaks many things she uses. When I ask her for help around the house she gets angry & there's always an excuse. I've started telling her she has to or if it's not done then no... this week. Or give her a reward to work for. I'm uncomfortable treating her like a child again but it is the only thing that seems to help. Sometimes I'd rather do it myself as it would be easier on me but I don't. I tell her things that need done as she doesn't seem to notice on her own but if I don't stay on top of it she doesn't do them. If I remind her she gets angry. I used to have my house decorated so nice now it's a disaster. I can't find things. I don't have a peaceful spot for myself. My library and guest bedroom are now piled with her stuff so no room for my things so I'm getting rid of a lot. If I go in my room she finds a reason to need to disturb me. I can't even go to the bathroom without being disturbed.

I'm thankful winter is here as I don't have the yard & garden to care for & I used to love gardening.

Lately I have been so tired & stressed from every thing she's needed help with & doing all my own upkeep fix it jobs (trimming trees, fixing fences, plumming, painting etc.) around the house that I've stopped going with her as much & started making her face more things on her own while still being there for her if she needs me as she panics when alone in public. I don't think she will ever be able to live alone as she isn't handling it well. I'm slowing down & not as strong as I was but she still sees me as this super mom who keeps going & going & expects it.

I desire to be able do things I enjoy but have trouble finding time. To make things worse I have a noisy neighbor the never seems to sleep that races a loud muffler 1/2 hr about every 2 hours day & night so wakes me regularly. I feel like I can't keep this up & that I'm about to crack from lack of sleep. I can't afford Counceling & no support groups in my area so I'm glad to find this group.

Is anyone else dealing with anything like this. Her father died of cancer several years ago & have no family so I've been in this alone. I'd love to know how others deal with it.

I present myself as put together by keeping a nice clean house, exercising daily, eating right, maintaining good standing at my job... but I feel like it's all a lie. Inside I feel really lost and empty and broken. I think I have a lot of unresolved issues. I have trauma from emotionally abusive relationships. I feel like I can't forgive myself for mistakes I've made in the past. I fear what others will think if they know the truth - that I'm depressed, insecure, feel like a failure, and stupid. I work at my dream job and it should be fulfilling but lately I can barely get myself out of my desk and doing basic tasks related to my job. I keep it together around coworkers but I feel like I'm failing at my job and am going to get caught, and I will lose something I'm passionate about and always wanted to do. I feel like my life is just trying to kill time all day until I go to bed and repeat the next day. I recently got out of a long relationship (my choice) and even though it was the best choice for me I feel like my life has become meaningless. I don't know how to live for me, I'm so used to living for everyone else.

Due to the weekend we didn't have much dishes to wash. WE had order Pizza on Saturday on the way home from (Mom and I) seeing a movie. Sunday mom wasn't feeling very well so we had some stuff Dad brought home from a friend's party. So Mom and I had that for supper. So that mean the dishwasher today was very full and clean. Mom and I went out tonight for another event and I was out last night. So I was planing on emptying the dishwasher when I got home because I don't trust Dad at all (I don't trust him in the kitchen period) because he will do stuff WRONG with emptying and refilling the dishwasher. I come home and I open up the dishwasher and discover Dad has done it (and has done it WRONG) the only thing he got right? putting the Disney princess mugs and normal glasses on the dinning room table. I even had to fix the forks in the drawer after I finshed the fruit.

Can you please pray for a friend of mine. . . her grandma needs a major heart surgery and because of the surgery being major the state wants to take her away from her grandmother because of her mental and emotional issues. . . She needs her grandma as she is the only family that she had left. I feel if they take her away it will be even worst on her. I feel she will do something very dangerous to herself. Please send prayers.

I just do NOT understand why someone would pull someone out of their own home.

Hate myself right now. I had the feeling to binge eat and I just binged and hate myself now. Feel like crying and who cares.

I'm sick of being worthless and alone.

I cried all the way to work this morning. I dont know why. I feel so isolated and alone. I spoke to my mum on the phone whilst walking. I am pushing people away. Sabotaging my job. I know I am doing it, but I cant stop.

I need to rant. So, I've just been recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Like a month ago. I took a while to go to the doctor because I didn't think I needed help. When I told my family, they all seemed really understanding. Especially my husband, because he's understanding about everything with me and my sister-in-law because she suffers from it too, although she's not being treated for it but was asking me what I did to be put on medication. My brother and my dad are also really understanding too although we don't talk about it much. But what bothers me sometimes, is my mom. I love my mom to death. She's always been super involved with mine and my brother's lives and she helps us out when she can, but since getting into my adult years, I feel like she's harder to get through to. She deals with depression as well, as much as she's wished to die. She has high blood pressure and a form of arthritis where she's on chemo pills. She said it wasn't rheumatoid but something else. Anyway, I feel like she is the least understanding. She asks if I'm still sad and I tell her I am. Even when I first told her about it, she said she thought I was depressed. I tell her about how I feel lonely at work and I don't have any friends when I'm so used to making friends and she said I need to put myself out there and talk to people. But what she's not getting is since my anxiety is so high, I have trouble initiating conversation, especially when I feel like people look down on me because I'm not in their 'cliques'. I told her that a group of teachers looked at me strange when I walked to the office to clock out and she said maybe they think I'm snoody (sp?). I'm like, "I smile and reply to when people talk to me. I'm not snoody." So, when I left her, I told my husband, 'you see how she automatically downgrades my feelings to it being my fault?' She does this a lot I feel like and I don't like making a big deal about it. But there was a day, where my husband and I went away for the weekend. We came back and my parents, my brother, sister-in-law, nieces, nephew, and my sister-in-laws dad, step-mom, and half-sister all went to take family pictures together. And my parents just 'happened' to wear the exact color that everyone else was. Said it was a coincidence. We got back that day, and my mom knew that because I called her when we got back to town, like she asked me to. The pictures were done but they were going to eat. After I had talked to her. She didn't ask if we wanted to join them for food or anything. I called her later and asked what was going on. I got upset because not only did they take pictures without us, but they didn't ask if we wanted to meet them for food. So, I got a little upset and I cried a bit and I was short with my brother when he dropped off my key (they were feeding our cats while we were gone), and I knew if I just had a day or two, I'd be over it. Well my brother knew I was mad and must have said something to my mom. She called me pissed off because I was angry about the family photos. She kept telling me I had no right to be mad. Then my brother and sister in law seemed mad at me. And I was finally getting over like two days later and I was going with my mom somewhere and she brought it up again. She's like 'admit it, you got upset over something silly'. And I'm like 'no. I didn't. I had a right to be mad. I needed a couple of days to get over it and I would have been fine. Don't act like my feelings aren't important.' She changed the subject immediately after. I'm a doormat. I always have been. I always let people walk all over me and they do it because I never fight back. I never defend myself. But since being with my husband, and finally taking my brother and sister-in-law's advice, I've started sticking up for myself a little more. When I don't want to do something, especially when my mom asks me to do something silly, which she does a lot. Anyway, my point is, I feel like even though she deals with depression. like I do, she still tries to guilt me into stuff, which makes me feel worse. And a lot of the time, she downplays my feelings. Like the minute I'm upset about something 'Oh, it's fine' 'Cheer up' 'Don't worry about it'. I hate when people tell me to cheer up, especially now that I've been diagnosed. It's not that simple. Telling someone with depression to 'cheer up' is literally pointless. It's not a switch you can turn on and off. I love my mom, and I'm not saying I don't. But she can be a little judgmental. When I tell her 'no', she usually gets over it pretty fast. But she's been upset about certain things and I've been listening to her and I understand where she's coming from about it. Because I'm trying to be open-minded about someone else's pain, even though I don't need to be. She's my mom and I want to be there for her. I just wish she understood my hurt too.