You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
I'm tired of living
i'm a closeted gay man who's living in a country where being gay is illegal. i'm depressed most of the times, i can't help but keep thinking about the future and that i'll probably either end up alone and miserable or give in to society pressuring me into marriage and end up with a woman and live the rest of my life with agony and guilt of lying to that poor woman just to maintain a social cover.
why bother finishing college and starting my career if all the roads lead to suffering? why do i even get out of bed everyday?
The closet is safe but lonely and depressing, coming out of it means prison for me and social stigma for my entire family by association.
@ItachiNoSharingan I'm not gay and where I'm living it's not illegal but it's still frowned upon, gay and pro gay politicians are always sent death threats and the like I've also had to visit some friends in the hospital that were there just because they decided to go to a gay club that night and had the bad luck of running into a group just waiting to beat one of them up. I can only imagine how shit it must be for you that you dont even have the opportunity to come out without throwing your life away, maybe trying to find someone online that could help you, I know a lot of Mexicans that have married puertoricans just to get green cards, with the knowing of those puertoricans of course so maybe that's an option, finding someone like that but I dont know. If you wanna vent out I'd be happy to help and maybe throw some ideas on how to get out of your situation, maybe not great ideas but as long as they give you hope and a chance.
@justwalking
Thanks for the tips and ideas, I might consider them as a last resort. I've always dreamed of living somewhere else and have read all about different immigration programs of Canada, Australia and New Zealand etc ... I just need to graduate first and get a job and work experience and earn enough money to be able to relocate. It will take a lot of time and effort, but hopefully i'll make it in the end.
overwhelming sad, i feel as though my body is glued to this bed. i even waver using the restroom. my sadness comes from my HSP . my whole life Ive always thought life as a movie and took every experience to heart. always feeling like no one took in the events like me. always feeling like the better friend. i felt isolated but not as much as i did now. It was easier to have friends or a girlfriend in high school but now out in the real world its hard to make genuine connections, especially in 2020. My mom eventually took me out of school and put me in home school, a year i develop an eating disorder. Although those days are gone I cant help but feel sad, because me and my mom dont talk, i dont talk to no of my family, i dont really have friends, none that want to hang out with me, i cant but have a feeling if hating life. i just want someone to talk to, to hangout with, go out and do fun things. so if u live in Las Vegas pls message me.
@sadsaugarbear
Hey there days where I didn't want to get in the morning to face the world. It has always been difficult to connect and develope true relationships with people. I myself, was in school (now I am homeschooled) and even though I have a hard time connecting with people, I was still able to make friends. I feel quite sad a lot of the time too. Half the time I don't even why I'm sad, I just am no real reason. My day could be going well, and out of nowhere a just have this wave of sadness drowning me. Sometimes, most of the time I should say, you can't really control your sadness, esspecially if you have depression. But if you can, just remeber the good times and I'm here if you want to talk.
Also, I totally agree with you about the whole making geniune friendships. When you're homeschooled
and don't know how to drive or you don't have a job, it can be very hard to get to know other people. And even if you, they may not even really be friends with you, not geniune. I'm lucky enough to have actual friends but even the friends I have, I don't spend much time with. It can be lonely sometimes, but it came to the point where it didn't even bother me anymore. Now I am trying to build relationships with people. I know the feeling of just not having anyone you feel like you can hang out with and do fun things. I say, just try to rekindle the relationship you have with your Mom. My Mom and I have a bit of complicated relationship but it has gotten a little better over the years. Just talk about your day with her or if you can, if she goes to the store, ride with her. And spend some time with your family (I have to work on that myself). It doesn't have to be all day, just an 30 minutes to a couple hours. I'm not an expert but I hope this helps a little. Like I mentioned,
unfortuantly I don't live in Las Vegas, but you can still talk to me if you.
Lmao at my mother trying to enlist my hairdresser as her flying monkey. She really tried to get me to message her by going through this innocent person and making up a lie about me needing to be rushed through my appointment. My mother knows she and I will never talk again. She is desperate, yet ruining things more and more for herself. It's sad. It's like living with a toddler when really she is almost 50 years old. I'm ready to drop her like the rest of her family did. She is really trying to make my life into a soap opera. But thankfully I have supports here and elsewhere in real life. I'm not letting her continue to get to me. She can try but she'll just out herself as very ill and in need of help no matter how much she tries to make everything my fault. Good riddance. Time for me to take care of myself.
I'm normally on salad duty when my Dad makes supper. But I had a lot of food at my program's Valentine Day potluck so I don't know if I want supper or not. But my main problem is if I WANT ANY ***** SUPPER I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP WITH SUPPER OR ELSE I CAN'T GET ANY SUPPER. and all I want is ONE *** DAY OF NOT HAVING TO MAKE A SALAD AFTER DURING IT FOR ALMOST 2 WEEKS (TUESDAY-THURSDAY) last week and (Tuesday-Wednesday THIS week) and Dad told me to take it up with Mom and Mom has told me in the *** past if I want supper (when Dad's cooking) I have to **** help with Supper OR ELSE I CAN'T eat supper while SHE gets to sit on her *** behind and read the papers or sleep and not too anything to help WITH making supper (she cleans up AFTER supper).
I just don't think I'll ever find anyone that could be give me the relationship I want, romantic or otherwise. My dad was the fucking world to me and I just feel like even if I could find someone who could do what he did ie understanding exactly what I mean by a few toss away words, seeing my body movement and instead of going home so he could rest he takes me someplace he knows I like or to buy something to make me happy. He could read me like an open god damn book but he never did anything unless he knew I wanted the help but was too proud to ask or knew that I really needed it and it hurts not having him.
@justwalking
I can only imagine how much that hurts to not have your dad around anymore, someone who you clearly love so, so much, who clearly loved you immesely. I can only imagine that pain, but I assure you, there will be people who understand you with that intensity. They will never be exactly like your dad, but they will understand you and want to help, and maybe even read you just as well. You will have people like that in your life again, it's nowhere near impossible
I'm bisexual. I fell in love with my best friend. She was my BFF. One day I couldn't take it and I told her. And she reciprocated. And she asked me to be hers, and of course I agreed.
A month of beautiful memories and words and promises. And a few days before we were gonna complete a month, she said she needs to break up. Twice, thrice, I made her hold on. But in 3 days, she couldn't take it anymore and I couldn't.
I've felt more disconnected from her than ever. And she doesn't feel a thing for me anymore.
It seems like she's in love with my guy best friend. And yeah, he loves her too. And they're not dating but yeah they're together or whatever.
It's been 3 weeks since I've been holding on and it hurts every single day. I decided to leave, and he doesn't want to let me go because well. We're close. I'm still gonna go. Because I can't continue hurting me and him and everyone.
And she hates me. She says I'm "probably the most selfish person she's known in a long long time, that I pretend to care about everything when all I care about is myself. I'm not just a bad friend but a bad person. And that I should stay. Away. From. Her. Always."
Of course, she doesn't know she's constantly been in my thoughts. She doesn't know how much I've missed her since the first day she mentioned "b-up". She doesn't know the tears I've shed, the night I've spent feeling miserable. I'd have given up anything to just feel for once that she loves me, even as just a friend. She isn't ever going to understand me. And I hope she never does- the only way to understand me is to feel this. And she should never feel this.
Now everything hurts. Yeah, I'm not staying. I don't want to talk to her again. There's nothing I can say or do to change the way she perceives me. But it's just sad. The person who has always meant the world to you thinks of you as selfish, thinks you don't care.
But yeah it feels like everything is falling apart even though I do have the support of a few friends and my parents (they think she's my best friend who I'm too emotionally attached to, and that's not that wrong either.)
So recently, due to anxiety problems stemming from lack of support, social isolation and several abusive relationships over the last 5 years not to mention my money running out due to being surprise laid off at work right after Christmas; I can't help but feel a little angry. Why? Because I've always been there for my friends and people in a way I'd want somome to be there for me if I was in their shoes. One time a girlfriend was without a place to stay and I let her stay with me a month, I've given character references for people to help them get new jobs, school admissions etc and always taken their calls and bloody well listened when they needed it. Now that I've hit rock bottom and had my shifts cut so far back at work and have no money left and this has been going on for well over a month now, no one has heeded my cries for help. Like point me towards a new fucking job that is hiring, oh no. One of my "friends" teased me and basically promised me work then took it back the next day after telling me she makes over 300 bucks daily. Oh and my work friend? She's been dumping all her problems on me even though she has tons of money and NONE of her shifts were CUT. She has tried to help me after I got very livid and had to take drastic measures including talking to the owners of my company as somome had lied deliberately and smeared me name at work to get rid of me so currently in the upswing with picking up and getting more shifts scheduled again but I really wish people could help me more career and job wise as it's fucking hard if you don't know anyone in town and have already had your name smeared and trashed!!!
PS: that was a little disjointed but I guess one of the things that really hurt me the most is that nobody bothered to call me that I've known for years when I texted them. Also, I tried calling some friends and they deliberately ignored me, including a woman who was once in a somewhat similar situation to me and called me daily when she unfairly got laid off her job and I took at least 10+ calls and offered to help her. With my support and encouragement, as well as the help of many others, guess what? She got her job back and has lived pretty happily ever since. I had to confront her as been calling her for 6+ months now and doesn't return my calls and only called when her son went away for work for awhile and she needed immediate support and validation of course which I fucking gave. Then, all I got was sworn at, treated like a burden and buzzed off. No calls, no visits no nothing when I temporarily lost my job. I confronted her on her swearing and demeaning behaviour and she apologised but has not really rectified the behaviour and says that all my sharing via text as I cannot get ahold of her has "been too much." Despite what I am going through in life I ALWAYS find time to listen to my friends when their lives have been going on the rocks and have never acted like this or denied anybody help. It stinks because she still doesn't pick up my calls and I've had to decided she must go then. No one really, not even family members have cared and I feel as though if I ended up homeless or in a ditch no one would care.
Couldn't finish my workout. Couldn't get through any of the sets because I'm so weak and can't handle the pain anymore. Feel like a worthless failure. I don't even hate exercise. Just myself.
I miss school, hanging out with my friends and going to dance class. My parents always have the news on. The grocery stores keep running out of food. I get so scared and and upset. I don't mean to. I don't know how to tell my parents I'm having a hard time with this. I don't think it's going to end. I know this is stupid to be upset about.