You can rant here

My abusive mother making abuse jokes about how her husband deserves the abuse, that he likes it, and how God doesnt like it when she's abusive on Sundays is the most repulsive thing I have ever seen. Her friend is trying to talk some facts into her about why people actually stay in abusive situations.. and what does my mother do? Keeps making jokes and changes the subject. Truly disgusting. I don't understand why I was born into this family. I know she was abused by my father but they both are currently also abusive to me. And here she is making light of abuse in general. All these jokes for what? Laughs? Can I catapult myself into the next life time? Ugh.

I'm in a restaurant with my family right now. A steak house says its name.

The entire place is decorated with ropes... Ropes to hang yourself, yes, they are on the pillars on the ceiling and they are fit to hang yourself. I feel unsettled and uncomfortable.

My family, with some naive intention, joked a bit about having the same decorations at home. I don't blame them.

I'm a peacemaker in the family, never going out of my way to attack others, and I hate drama. But anytime I try to share my problems, feelings, or concerns with my family, I'm met with anger, annoyance, scoffing, dismissal, victim-blaming, conclusion-jumping, accusations, treated as if I'm overreacting... Every day it's like I have to wear a mask and never complain, because no one ever listens to what I have to say anyway. I get tired of pretending that everything's okay. And yet, anytime I try to stand up for my right to happiness, I'm treated like I'm a problem and like my feelings are a weakness. It's like the ones who cause chaos get a free pass and I have to compromise myself just to get by, even though I feel like the longer I'm stuck living with them, the more miserable I get.

Recently I was just so exhausted that I broke out crying in front of my dad. He asked me what's wrong, and I tried telling him how my mom is constantly making me unhappy and that I'll never get any peace, because she's always yelling and going berserk over the phone fighting with her mom. As a highly sensitive person (HSP/Empath?) and someone with sensitive hearing, I constantly get earaches and literal physical pain in my skull, and the constant negativity is draining to be around. (It doesn't help that both mom and dad always talk way too loud.) And I can't ever confront my mom about anything, because she either dismisses anything I say or gets overly defensive and just flat-out doesn't listen. But instead of showing any emotional support, my dad just told me that I'm an adult and that I should be able to solve my own problems. Basically telling me that I'm being childish.

I have no friends. My dysfunctional/toxic family is unsupportive and lacking emotional intelligence. And I'm stuck living with them because I'm unemployed and lack the finances to move out on my own. Being stuck in my situation, especially as an adult, makes me feel like a failure and questioning my purpose/existence in this world.

why are they trying to erase my life and self and memories

And I don't really know how to begin. Do you ever wonder if you're broken in ways you're not even aware of? Like you're a house, and there's a leak you don't know about, but its been slowly rotting this entire time. My father was sick for a long time. He had multiple heart attacks. The first time he almost died I cried very hard, and I prayed for him not to die. When he almost died again, I was in college taking my finals. It was very hard on me and I couldn't focus. He nearly died again when I was out of college. I drove all night to make it home and arrived at the hospital the next day around noon. When he was back in the hospital, he gave me a long speech about how he wanted me to read this book on god, so I wouldn't go to hell. I didn't want to read the book, but I told him I would so he wouldn't die upset. Then he had a surgery, and lived until last year. I didn't go home, I didn't visit, and we hardly talked. I feel like he died so long ago, even though it was only a year ago. But I don't mind talking about it. I don't mind making jokes about him. It's like I got over it so quickly, I wondered if I actually loved him. Because he really annoyed me most of the time. We didn't share the same political beliefs or religion, and I feel like he let me down. Then I feel like I'm broken in ways I don't understand, and can't feel, it's just the way I act now. Like the world is over and I'm just waiting to die as well.

First of all, I just want to say to all the people having problems to be strong and that I hope they will be solved,even though it takes a lot of work and courage.

So,where should I begin? I just started university and IT'S HARD. REALLY HARD. I mean,of course it would be ,but I fell like it has been dragging my metal health to the dirt constantly. I have like 1000 assignments,and even if I do it,they just aren't good enough. I feel insecure BCS there are other people my age more talented,smart and beautiful than me. I feel like whatever I do won't matter because it's gonna suck anyway,or it will get destroyed in one way or another. It's so stressful and the fact that I feel like it's soul -draining makes it even more stressful. I am beggining to think that I wasn't destined to make something out of my disappointing life . I just want to give up,but I feel like I have gone really too far to do so. I think I have disappointed my parents ,who have worked so hard to give me chances that they never had. They deserve it more than I do. Everyone deserves this privilege more than I do. At least that's how I feel.

I am not a likeable person,but I do what I can to help,even though somehow it all turns to s****. People say that I should just be patient and keep working,but for how much longer will I be doing this? I feel like no matter how much I will work I will never become accomplished or successful. And no-one will love me .

i feel like i'm going to hell.

I have a million problems with my dad. I'm an adult child but due to reasons I still with my parents. Dad and I do get along (most) of the times. But we also butt heads a lot as well (too often). Due to my problems I had 17 years of bloodwork in my right arm(I'm a leftie). We didn't learn until I was switching doctors. that there was scaring in my right arm- so that the nurse advised me that i needed to switch arms occasionally Well Dad (re) learned that last night when Mom and I were talking about what I was goign to wear for today's bloodwork appointment for my specailist's appointment next week. When I got to the appointment (and set down in those chairs)-and I started pulling up my right sleeve and Dad was demanding I pull up my left sleeve and I told Dad to shut up. (They ended up taking it from my right arm anyway after trying both arms)..

Now there was an early argument in the car on the way over to (appointment). Now I would normally see this doctor in May but due to gloabl health crisis I couldn't so I had a phone call appointment that day instead. While on the way over to the lab- Dad said "I don't see why you have to go pyshcailly into (provincal capitial city)" and I said "Because they haven't actually seen me" and Dad said "a phone call would just be fine". I didn't both to reponded to that. Mom will be having a fight with him next week with him

What if I stopped existing would it matter

One more rant...

Has been like a week since I barely talked to a group of friends I recently made (just a few months) I really care about them since they are so warm and welcoming.

Like 9 days ago they had a gathering and I was willing to go but I overslept and then I wanted to have lunch with my mom. Before that day, I asked several times where and when the gathering was and I got ignored, when finally I PMed one of them who gave me a better answer.

I PMed him again letting him know that I might go after having lunch with My mom, but then in the group chat one of the friends I care most of the group (I talked to her several times when she was down and tried to give her a hand whenever I could) responded to other person's question in the group about "who are in the gathering right now?".

She replied saying that "X and X and X are here, but you are missing, we miss you!" and my name was nowhere to be found. After that I felt a bit down and was late enough, so I decided not to go.

Around 9 days have passed.The 2 apps we use to communicate are there, but with me silent as a ghost and missing from that day.No one, as far as I know, no one asked for me, tagged me or PM me.

I dissappeared and seems that no one cares. I know it's so selfish, that I am not the light in the group and that everyone is busy like I am, but they still go online several days/hours a week to talk and play. I haven't appeared in a week and seems so OK that I could remain this way

Just wanted to get it out from my chest.