You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
I started a new job and in the first week I already got in trouble with my boss. To top that off, two of my coworkers talked shit about me a bit. It makes me feel even worse about myself. Like no matter what I do I'm not good enough. Like I'm stupid and not capable of anything. I have been thinking about it all weekend and I don't know how I'm going to go back Tuesday. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I wish I didn't overthink things so much and allow myself to make mistakes. I'm struggling with online school. I don't know what my plans are going to be after I finish at my community college. I don't even know what my major is right now. Feel like I'm not accomplishing enough. I am just so overwhelmed by the thought of the future. I don't know who I am or where I am going, and I don't have the motivation anymore. I'm scared of falling back into bad habits.
@PotatoPeels
I understand. You're at a very difficult time in your life (even more so with current events). There's so much pressure on you especially at this point in your life. We're expected to know what we want to do with our lives at an age when we're just beginning to understand ourselves. On top of juggling pressures of school and work.
Your colleagues are assholes. It takes time to get used to a new environment and the pressures that are put on you will only harm your progress. See if you can ask for help from someone you trust.
As for the big picture; None of us travel the same road but are expected to meet the same check points. Get good grades, go to college, start a career, start a family, etc. But the problem is, no one asks if you're happy along the way.
I know you're confused right now but just ask yourself, "what makes me happy?" When the world is crumbling around you what's the one thing you need to get you through it? That will be your lantern in the darkness.
@courteousLunch82
Thank you so much this. I really appreciate it
@PotatoPeels
My pleasure. Remember, Be kind to yourself.
Something that has always bothered me about opening up about my depression is that people say things like "oh you don't seem depressed" or "but you are so happy all the time" or "you're so fun and live an exciting life why are you sad?". The problem with all these reactions is the doubt they sow and the flagrent disreguard for my well being. Its incredibly difficult to let someone in, especially when, historically, people tend to either treat your pain as superficial or get up set with you and say you are selfish for being in pain because it affects other negativly.
This has been a constant struggle when trying to share about my mental health. I have been struggeling with chronic clinical depression for 11 years, along with sever anxiety, insomnia, and addiction. It often feels like my whole existance is just empty pain. Ya know that type of pain that makes you feel hollow? like you hardly exist? It takes every ounce of effort I can muster to smile and be pleasant. It took me YEARS to learn how to do even that. But no one sees that when I tell them I am hurting. They only see a pitiful excuse of a human being. Someone who should be stronger, should be wiser, should be more capable of dealing with their issues without affecting others.
There are a few people that, after many converstations, do understant to some extent the validity and severity of my illness. And I see how much it burdens them to carry that knowledge. To know that I suffer so much every day....so no matter what it sucks to share and it sucks to hold it all in. What am I supposed to do when both sharing and keeping silent causes harm?
my post just disappeared. i'm guessing it was deleted because of what i was talking about. i want my life to end. it sucks. it's been amazingly difficult all my life but since the summer, it has been very bad. So, I'm the poor cousin who lives with my family because they feel sorry for me. They've been trying to sell their house and it sold today. I don't want to move. But that's just too bad now isn't it? I really want my life to end. It's been too much. I've reached my limit. I want to live for Chloe the cat. She is 10 and healthy. I want to make sure she has a happy and healthy rest of her life. Then I'd like mine to end. Let's see if i'm allowed to post this.
I just tried to post twice and my posts were deleted. I can't help that I feel bad and want to vent about it.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Exhaustingly spent, the days have melted my soul and eyes to mush so that distinguishing the life and breathe of existence feels mottled. i'm freaking terribly tired. And saying it makes the tiniest bit easier to be in the the midst of fatigue.
I can't seem to be able to tell if I am tired anymore, or if its just my depression. My sleep schedule has been ruined by depression and anxiety to the point that I sleep past 5 am and wake up around midday to 13:00pm. Its really bad because I am a postgraduate student and I am really really behind in all of my courses I am taking. I have so much coursework to do that will take up so much of my time and I can barely force myself to even watch any of the lectures they post for us to do.
I've recently been drinking a lot of energy drinks and coffee just to feel more awake. However I am worried its one of the reasons I don't go to sleep at the right times. Its kind of scary not being able to tell when I am tired, or just a little tired and depressed. Honestly I think I drink them because it kind of makes me focus just a little bit because I constantly feel foggy and a little out of it?
I don't know how to explain it. Its tiring honestly and I am so done with feeling like this. I'm seriously considering taking medication but my family is so against medication and I have a hard time disobeying their 'advice'. I think my mother has such a bad concept of medication because when she was a child her father was a phychiatric nurse and used to tell her about the side affects of medication.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Its really getting to a tipping point...
@Bloom97, i understand completely. I suffer the same problem, amongst others. What you are saying makes complete sense.
I feel terrible. Teirrrrible. Sleepy. Worse that I'm afraid it'll last for a few days. CAN'T GET IT TGOETHR AS AN ADULT. frustrating. lol.
Honestly this thread is a life saver. I just had a pretty terrible argument (?) with my friend. I'm not sure if it even was an argument because it was me one sidedly being mean. I feel like I have narcissistic personality disorder but not so severe like internet says. I can't emotionally let people have the upper hand and I get so defensive and offensive it's sickening. I hate my passive aggressive side and I am so sick and tired of myself. I want to apologize but I don't even know how and still part of me doesn't want to apologize. Even worse I had fun making fun of her, like I knew she was getting offended cuz she responded about talking bad about me (which she totally had the right to do) but it made it worse. I treated like a joke and i'm so sick and tired of myself. I can't talk to my other friends because I'm so insecure and shit.
things suck recently i feel like i'm pushing everyone away when all i want is someone to notice that i'm aporia downward i'm scared of getting worse when i worked so hard to get better. i don't want my friends to see how bad i'm getting because then they will realize i'm too much for them. i don't want my boyfriend to see and worry about me i want to be better i wish i was getting better and not getting worse god it sucks because i know i'm spiraling so it hurts even worse. i know i should seek therapy but i don't know how much it'll help or if it'll do anything i wish i could self help like everyone tells me too but it's too much when you're aware and it's just out of grasp i feel helpless like i'm drowning but also holding my own raft just too far out of reach
I watched too many youtube videos and now I can't sleep. I have to starve this distraction, but I can't help but look at my phone. I think I need to turn off after dinner so that I'm sleeping during break. It Tuesday and I need to make that change tonight when it's Wednesday. I'm currently still up at 2am. Let's listen to meditation. If not, get up to do some thing goodd.