You can rant here

I know it sounds strange.. but its so weird that I am so empty of myself and so full of myself at the same time. I feel like I'm worthless, as if I'm trapped in a glass jar, and I am the only thing inside it. And even though I feel like I'm nothing, my mind is only full of myself; how bad I feel, my failures, my anxieties. Words of cheer, and words of encouragement and advice just bounce off these glass walls sometimes.

isn't it weird that other people, like ACTUAL human beings, ship kids/minors? but when there are obviously age-appropriate adults that CAN be in a relationship that is even just the slightest bit off the binary and heteronormative scale, they would just say or conclude them to be just friends/relatives and nothing more lol.

So this happened a long time ago but I still need some understanding of it. I was friends with this guy for some months and we were getting along fine,after Christmas i find out he liked me(i got it out of him by asking him who did he like),and then I said yes because even though I had my doubts I still said he is a good guy and my friend why not? One week in and I was so stressed out from overthinking. I had to make all of the first moves and I felt like I was forcing myself to be with him, everything was underwhelming for me because I expected him to show more interest but I stayed because "he wasn't abusive or anything". But I kept overthinking "he is such a good guy why do I feel like this? Is this how relationships are supposed to be like?" I just wanted to escape. Three weeks in we go to his house and we make out but I just wasn't feeling it I got up and went out amd cried all the way home saying to myself what am I doing? After that I broke it up and said let's remain friends,which we did for a while before he started being critical of me(bodyshaming,saying how stupid I am) and then not talking anymore. I try to communicate with him because he is alone now and doesn't talk to anybody,also he skips classes,but he doesn't reciprocate. I feel at fault, I think I messed up my chance to meet someone who would really love me. It was also my first relationship. I think I messed him up and that I am a toxic person who might never fond love.

I need to send a message ot my Benefits about my insurance.

I need to start w - o - r - k . Productivity is difficult with stressful anxiety.

hi, everybody,

So this has been happening at my job. I work for a place where people donate clothes and other goods and then we sell them. I don't want to say the name of the place. I work in the back room where we sort clothes and tag them, then hang them.

Anyway, the people I work with aren't the most mature or nicest. I know that they make fun of me. Sometimes they talk about me in Spanish, when I am standing right in front of them. But I have also heard them make fun of me in English, as I am walking into the room.

The other day I snapped at one of them. I wasn't even talking to her, but she decided to make fun of what I was saying. So I snapped at her and she shut up. Then the bee hive activity starts, and she and the people I thought were my friends, start to talk about me in Spanish. They did it because the woman I snapped at was mad. She probably doesn't think she did anything wrong, but she did. Not only was she eavesdropping on my conversation, but she was making fun of me, and then she starts talking about me in Spanish--recruiting others who I thought were my friends to take part in tearing me down.

So, who apologizes? I did. Because I felt I could have said what I did to her in a peaceful manner, but I didn't. It would have been far more effective if I was peaceful. She wouldn't have any ground to stand on.

I do that. If I am wrong, I apologize. I might not apologize for the words, but I apologize for letting out my anger and delivering my message forcefully.

Will I get an apology? No. I never have there. For all the times people made fun of me and talked about me in Spanish. They never apologized. They must think I'm stupid and don't understand that they are talking about me. I'm not an idiot. I can tell when someone is talking about me. It doesn't have to be in English.

So now I have to continue working with these people. I could look for another job, but my boss there has been good to me. She has given me the schedule I asked for and now I am applying to a school to take classes at night. So it's to my benefit not to be switching jobs when I am undertaking something else that is stressful. I'd rather not have two things that are stressful; a new job and school.

Why do people have to do that? Why do adults have to behave like children and not apologize?

Now I have to be the adult in the room again and act like I am above it all. I am so sick of the people I work with. I can't wait to finish school and get a job doing what I want, away from them.

saw i could rant, so i though id share my honest feelings. not that i feel anyone will care. i hope anyone who reads this has a good day and if your not having a good just try to remember that your special. ironically i dont feel special. i feel worthless and that no one cares about me. i dont know how to fix my mindset and feelings, these meds i take dont really seem to do much either. everyday i wake up and im sad and depressed. i have barely any energy to do anything. 50% of my day or more is spent sleeping. almost as if there is no point in life. im only still here for those that "care" about me, though sometimes i feel as if its just a fairytale. i always spend my waking hours helping those around me and giving what little love and happiness i have left to them and make something out of my bleak life, and in the end im nothing but an empty. pretty grim, but its honest at least. well sorry for the long post, not that anyone cares enough to read a long message. im sure people have better things to do than here some losers sob story. but if you did. then thank you. have a good day.

Does anyone else want to just sit against a tree in the middle of nowhere and let life go on without you? I look at my life and can’t help but feel angry and ashamed at how it’s turned out, I’ve grown tired of trying to change it, of listening to people tell me to get help. I don’t want help. I want escape.

i don’t know what to do with myself.

i really want to move to a nearby city but where i currently live i have a decent job that’s close to my place (but i found listings for a job in the same field in the city i want to move to, it’s just that the commute would be longer but not that big of a deal, if i can even get hired. i was barely qualified and probably quite lucky to get in my current job.)

i contacted academic advising for readmission to the university that i went to for a year (basically, the mental health consequences of being locked in my dorm all the time due to strict early-covid-era lockdown and a faulty online learning system lead to me failing terribly) but i haven’t heard anything back and the deadline is very soon. i don’t what i should even be studying so its probably a waste.

i feel like i’m stuck. i don’t like living where i currently am at all. there are a couple people + family members i know in the other city and i have nobody here besides my brother who’s leaving for work in a few weeks- he’ll be gone for months and i’ll be completely alone.

i just feel so trapped and i don’t know what to do while thinking about my future. during the times i got out with people and wasn’t locked in my room while living in the city my university was in, i was the happiest i’ve ever been and i miss it so bad compared to how lonely/unhappy i am here despite getting out more often nowadays.

I'm tired asf