cannot live for myself
Note: I'm currently not in a crisis or emergency
I've been struggling with clinical depression for 7+ years with very minimum professional help due to several issues. I have no one to talk to (literally) and even if I'm here on 7 Cups, I often don't have energy to talk to a stranger (since that'd mean I'd need to lay out my problems from start to finish.)
Right now I'm only alive solely because, even in death, I don't want to bring guilt to the people I know and love. The thing is, I find the mindset of 'living only for others' may eventually backfire and I won't have a reason to live anymore.
I want to try living for my own self, but that's even more impossible. I mean, to live for someone I desperately hate (myself) sounds silly. I find life really dull and just painful in general, so to live for life itself or for the future is also out of the question.
@Hydrangea03 When you say dull have you tried something new like a hobby
I have essentially lost interest in my previous hobbies and frankly Im too lacking of energy to find or try out a new hobby. I can barely get out of bad and be functional. @SamuelFrancis
@Hydrangea03
sometimes I also lack motivation to get up and get going , what I do is a I reward myself. I tell myself if I complete the tasks I need to today I will reward myself by buying myself something or watching my favorite show, or eating my favorite junk food etc. Would you be willing to try this to help keep you motivated ?
This sounds like a sweet thing to do. @Rainbeaux
@Hydrangea03- we overwhelm ourselves wanting to be completely better immediately. When I feel that way- to finish one simple task is reason for celebration daily. Even if it is meeting our basic needs- such as LUnch today- yeah.
