i'm giving up on looking for help
And by ‘giving up I mean at all. For like 3 years I have been battling depression, I think that its time for me to give myself to it and surrender completely; to eventually get used to it. I know that this is really unhealthy but it cant be helped. I have nobody, literally nobody to talk to AND listen. My parents dont care at all, friends only do it for their own information, and counselors arent possible to access without my parents permission (no counselor at school). Ive grown too tired to scream out for help, it seems that my voice has gone hoarse.
A year and two ago, my parents did take me to a therapist (though that requires months and months of begging and crying) and I also took meds, but after a few moment theyd stop it completely and I probably wouldnt realize because Im forgetful. Even if I do, theyll tell me its no use and that I dont need it. Then thats all there is to it.
Im bind to the thought: no matter how hard I try, no one is going to come, anyway, so why should I bother trying? Itll be in vain, and Ill just waste my time and energy. Its very sad, even in my own perspective. Its like when I have a breakdown its really painful but Im keeping it to myself and let it eat me up inside because theres nothing else I could do. Im surrendering myself to it. Even if I'd like to see the better side - that I'm becoming more independent because I really must bear it without anyone with me - is this...really okay? Theres absolutely no path that I can take.
@Hydrangea03 I am always here if you want to talk. I would love to have a chat with you at any time.
Instead of surrendering to your depression, surrender to the fact that you can't do it on your own. You need people to surround you with their love and enthusiasm for life. You need a sunny sky to shine through your cloud. I am sure there are tons of listeners who would love to be that ray of light in your life - myself included.
@BlueSkye2000 ahh you've got a point,, thank you for the support!
@Hydrangea03
As someone who battles depression, I know it can feel like an endless cycle. Sometimes I want to give up as well, that's what depression does. Especially if you are needing the help of a therapist, it's important you receive that help. Perhaps part of the reason why your parents are in denial, is their own fears of somehow failing you. If I could offer a suggestion, I would write your parents a note and tell them everything that you said here. Place it somewhere you know they will come across it. I think if they read your thoughts and feelings on paper, they may realize just how much you are suffering.
Please don't give up, you can get through this. I believe in your strength, you've already shown it here. We're here for you sweetie. 
xx
@TrueArrow that's really, really nice 😭😭
@Hydrangea03
If you ever need an ear to listen, don't hesitate to hit up my feed or tag me in the forum.
Hi @Hydrangea03,
I'm terribly sorry you're struggling... But I'd like to let you know that it's okay.
I've been depressed myself for many years, and I understand your fears and doubts. There are days when I want to surrender, too. But there are so many things I haven't tried yet, many people I haven't met, places I haven't visited. And all those pats on the back I haven't given my own self yet.
I want you to know you are not left out in this battle. I'm not trying to diminish your feelings and experiences, I want to let you know there are people who want to listen and understand you.
Many wise words have been told in this thread, and I will agree with @BlueSkye2000, that it's considerate to "surrender to the fact that you can't do it on your own". As for me, it's been also helpful to understand to grieve for my depression: all the things it has made me miss out on and to forget myself for all those "I could/should have been more cheerful/less depressed/more active/etc." moments... Maybe this concept will be useful to you, too. https://www.7cups.com/act-therapy-techniques/
Any mental health issue is a struggle and a real problem, very complex and with many uncovered facts about it. So as always, I'd encourage you to talk to anyone, especially a professional. (Plus: 7 cups, forums, blogs, Facebook support groups. There are also some free helplines in each country to help you.)
It's very comforting to see that in spite of your cry you are able to see the reality (you can see that you need help and that you suffer).That is a huge plus.
I hope you could talk to your parents once again and share your feelings from your own perspective (e.g. "I'm feeling..., ..., and ... because ...") so that they can provide you with professional help once again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.
I wish you all the strength and luck! <3
@greenEyes2019 thank you ahh that's really comforting
