Having no-one in your life is the worst
One of the hardest things with loneliness is that it’s not seen as a big deal from the outside looking in. I’ve not really been ‘dealt a bad hand’ in life per se, but I have really got unlucky when it comes to people.
I was always ok for friends in school, but then I moved house and lost a lot of my friends. I never really made any new ones, and this period of my life was when I first started feeling the effects of it. It makes you start to believe that you are a problem and there’s something wrong with you.
I tried to take my own life when I was 19 with a drug overdose, the only people in my life that know about this is my therapist and one of my very few good friends that (ironically) died of an overdose last year.
No matter how well I explain or try to turn my life around a bit, I’m usually met with ‘just get out there’ or something similar. If only it was that easy! I must admit it is comforting (in a weird way) to see lots of other people suffering from the same thing.
All in all, not having anyone in your life that you truly ‘get on with’ and loves you for who you are, makes life meaningless. I’m 22 now, but as the years go on I’m starting to believe that I am just one of the unlucky ones that have to accept this complete social isolation. It sounds stupid but it feels like a burden that’s impossible to lift, I either suck as much joy as I can out of a mundane life or die.
Im not even sure if people read this, I just like venting sometimes and putting my thoughts onto a page. I’m sure it’s said all the time, but I’m honestly just a regular half decent guy that just wants to have friends and be happy. I guess it’s impossible for that to be guaranteed for everyone.
Hello,
I know exactly how you feel. I had some friends during school, until I moved out of town when I went for University. Although I dropped out early in my second year and went home, those friends I had, they were all busy with University, that we met up less than once a month. I had known one girl for 12+ years, I had considered her as my best friend, but I ended our friendship four years ago, because I was getting tired of it. Of all the years I've known her, not once did she initiate in arranging time to hang out with me. I believed friendships should be two-way, I was giving it my all, and she didn't seem to care. Nor did she felt like changing or something was wrong. When I called off our "best friends" status, she didn't question or do anything to keep it. The next year, we only messaged each other with Happy Birthdays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. That was all, haven't spoken to her since.
I had two instances of OD, first time, was in my first year University, so only my GP knows about it. The second time, my parents found me (I wandered in the city streets for 6+ hours in the evening after work one day). I went to church during that time, hoping to meet new friends, but the group I went to, were all older than me, and the hardest part for me was seeing them as couples.
I'll be 35 next January, and I'm still friendless. I know a lot of acquaintances. Colleagues who are either 12+ years older or 12+ years younger. No one is around the same age as I. I only have "online friends", but no one to really share my feelings with. No friend, no boyfriend, and family members that don't understand my needs when it comes to my depression.
As I get older, the feeling of loneliness scares me even more and I don't have anyone to share that fear with. Every year when my birthday comes around, that fear lingers for a month~
@turquoiseKite1550
