In Need of help (advice needed)
I’ve been feeling lonely for over a year now, I’ve got now friends but one and i spend most of days just lounging at home. Where I am it’s not common to go make friends In malls and coffee shops since my town is extremely discrete and private.
at school I sit alone in the library, I work individually during group works, I barley talk to anyone, I walk alone in the halls. I’m pretty sure everyone notices how alone and friendless I am. The teachers are possibly the only people who speak to me.
im alone because my circle is toxic (to me at least) when I used to be surrounded by “friends” I was bullied, insulted relentlessly to the point I was kicked off and got everyone turned against me. This happened during 8th grade I’m now going off into 10th and I’m scared as ***.
im anxious everyday about going back to school, I fear I’m going to be just as lonely as I was back then. I’m naturally really shy so talking to people isn’t easy for me. I don’t have anyone if I’m gonna be honest, some days I just dream about meeting a new student that will befriend me and we’ll grow together, laugh together and be the ultimate greatest friends for as long as we can. The chances of that happening are majorly low, due to the fact most new students scurry off with the popular crowd and I am not apart of that.
my best friend is in a different school, i considered moving with her but decided it against due to many barriers hanging beneath the surface of transferring. I have no choice but to stay here, It’s the only well adjusted school in my district but god I get so lonely sometimes.
ive been battling depression for a few years now and it only seems to get worse as this wide hole of loneliness grows and grows: my best friend whom I love, (she also considers me as a best friend but I’d rather not say that because she is moving on rightfully so and making her own group of friends) she used to be in the same school as I but moved as soon as our group of friends started bullying her, so every hangout I’m sort of reminded of all we endured which really stabs me despite how much I love her endlessly.
i sometimes think of ending it all. I feel imprisoned and trapped in a life that I’m supposed to have control of, but I feel like I’m an audience to my own life rather than the one in power. I feel like I’m suffocating more and more everyday, I don’t think I can handle being a loner for 3 more years. It’s exhausting, seeing everyone making the best out of their lives. I tried exploring other groups but it seems all of them are troubling, problematic and start arguments on a daily basis, none of them seem to want a quiet collected introverted person with them either, so I’m stuck with myself yet again.
i feel as if everyone has got their lives and peers figured out while I just watch from the sidelines, seeing my old best friends still together and happy without me. I get some insults here and there, some stares and laughs as well which I admit do hurt at minor times, I mean I’m not by any means lacking in attractiveness or charm I’m known to have those qualities in great hands, it’s my old past and reputation and shyness thag ruins it all.
ive endured sexual, physical and emotional abuse by adult figures in the past which makes my abandonment issues and self esteem extremely low and also my depression worse. It’s getting harder and harder to stay in place, I’ve tried therapy but it’s much too expensive. I’m probably going to be put back on meds soon, I’ve bothered my mum all year about my lonely state and she’s tired of me, she already has an autistic son to take care of and my dad is too busy.
i feel hopeless, I get happy days and weeks with endless joy and the fake feeling that I’m alright and then it all hits again one night. I’m closer to the edge then I’d like to think I am, I have no plan but an intent and It’s getting worse. Hotlines here aren’t much help either.
i need some proper advice and help because I cannot carry on feeling this way, I’m only a teenager undergoing unspeakable trauma when I was 11 darkened the hole of my life. I just wanna graduate and get out, my anxiety and panic attacks are an unending cycle of torture especially in the school stalls. I’m always anxious about getting insulted or teased by my old group or having a bad day or getting mean comments. I’m anxious to the point where every time I see an unrecognisable notification I jump at the thought it could be one of them, due to the fact most of the bullying I went through was through text or voice mails.
help please
@Taintedrose112 I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Loneliness can be incredibly difficult, especially when you've experienced bullying and abuse in the past. It's important to remember that you're not alone in what you're going through, and there are people who can help you.
@Taintedrose112 Try to find a friend who is willing to listen to you or find a counselor, they will help you to accompany you through the haze, but the most important thing is whether you are willing to come out, as long as you are willing to work together you will get better.
Taintedrose112 Try to find a friend who is willing to listen to you or find a counselor, they will help you to accompany you through the haze, but the most important thing is whether you are willing to come out, as long as you are willing to work together you will get better
Hello, @Taintedrose112
My past resonates with yours when I look back to the time I was in Grade 9. Back then, my best friend ended up going to a different school, because we lived in school different districts. I was only able to see her, maybe once a month or less. I had also been a loner throughout my high school life. Although I had a couple of people to hang out with during lunch hour and blocks where I had no classes, but they aren't someone I'd consider as a friend. As aside from those times, we don't chat otherwise, nor hang out outside of school.
I was diagnosed with depression, as young as when I was only in Grade 5, due to several traumas in my earlier years. So, throughout high school, I became very lonely. Like you, all I see is others around me experiencing their school lives to the fullest, laughing with friends, some started dating each other; seeing how everyone else has at least one friend to hang out with. Then, there I was, by myself, in the hallways, no one to hang out with after school, so all I could do was either go straight home, or go have a bite across the street before walking home.
With no support from family, older brother, let alone, that best friend, I felt like I struggled through high school all by myself. There was only one good thing, I had a good counsellor. But, I only had her for like 2 years, because after that, she changed her position, and she no longer sees people with my last name (back then, of the 4 counsellors in school, each counsellor is in charge of students depending on their last names, alphabetically). So, in my grades 11 & 12, I was battling through school by myself again.
As much as I don't like being alone, and how it seems that no one wants to know me as a friend either, I tried to focus my energy on my studies instead and cherish the times whenever I get to meet my best friend. I find that the classmates around me, have no idea what depression is, and to me, it seemed that none of them suffer from depression either. As they always have smiles on their faces, and never look like they are afraid, worried, or anxious about anything.
So rather than trying to find a group of friends who will understood me, I learned to be comfortable in my own shoes. Yes, thinking back, I would rather have at least one friend to hang out with, but like you, I was also very introverted. So, I do kind of blame myself for not meeting new friends, or trying to maintain a friendship throughout the 4 years in high school.
High school life/experience, doesn't all have to be focused on friendships, on whether or not we fit in, I believe that high school life could be a time where we get to know ourselves. Learn about our boundaries, the type of friendship we would like, be comfortable with ourselves, learn how that others may have their own problems but are just putting a mask on in public..etc.
Reflecting back to when I was in high school, thinking back to those classmates who acted so arrogantly, although I don't know how most of them are living now; over the years, I've learned and observed that there many people who like to put masks on, like myself, depending how who they are with.
I can't say I have good advice for you, but just be yourself. Don't take how others treat you to heart, everyone has their own problems, even if it's not visible to you. I know things are easier said than done, and it's difficult for you to see any light in the position you are currently in, and based on your own traumas. We all need time to heal, to find the right people as our support network. If you know what you want, as in the friends you would like to have, or the kind of high school life you'd like to experience, keep that as your standard. If your parents aren't the ones that can provide you with care, guidance, and support, do try and seek for that trusted adult. Whether that be a counsellor from school, a teacher you feel comfortable speaking with, or even your doctor. Don't be afraid to reach out.
Have you ever started a regular thread on here with someone? It might give you some relief and allow you to build some friendships to make the school experience easier.
I am quite willing to do that with you. Reply to this particular thread (I don't always see new ones) and I will answer you once a day, every day.
Then we can start to break things down and make things easier. You certainly don't deserve any of the pain that you are in. @Taintedrose112