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Moved to new country and I'm struggling emotionally

User Profile: casiopea3199
casiopea3199 November 17th, 2021

I am living what should be my dream. I'm in a great master's program in a new country with a supportive supervisor and good labmates and I'm slowly making friends. But personal problems are causing my emotions to fluctuate like crazy and I hit some really bad lows when I'm alone.

First I broke up with my now-ex back home. It was my decision but it hasn't made it feel any better. When I'm lonely I don't have anyone to go to for support (not like I did before, anyway). Then, I don't get along with my roommates, one of whom keeps asking me to do drugs with her (I'm talking hard drugs) and has a super negative view when I say anything nice about staying in this new town, and the other who has very different views from me about covid at a time when I lost someone back home to it, among plenty of other political and just personality differences. I've been struggling financially too. I barely make enough to pay my bills and don't have much left over, less than 50 per month really, even with my fellowship I got that provided extra funding for myself. And on top of that I'm currently struggling with my car getting imported and all the insurance that comes along with it and I'm worried I'm about to get hit with a hefty fine because I've gone over the 90 day limit even though it isn't my fault.

All this stuff has been really hard, but not having support group here to talk to about it has been even harder. I'm trying to get to know people and build that relationship with other peers in my program (we're all shy stem majors, slowly but surely...). I just don't know anyone well enough yet where I consider them an emotional support. I have a counselor but that only does so much once a week, the main advice is to just keep getting out and doing things which is only so easy when you don't have much cash and you live somewhere very cold so outside isn't much option. It also doesn't change the fact I'm broke and can't get my car shit figured out and don't trust my roommates. It doesn't change the fact that if I'm feeling really depressed in the evenings, which I have been consistently for the past month now, I have no one to call to just pull me out and grab some food or watch a movie or just sit and be in the presence of. I'm feeling overwhelmingly alone.

I fluctuate from feeling this deep desire to get out, do something, move my body, be in the presence of others or I'm going to freak out.. to this awful black pit of not wanting to leave my room and just wanting to cry and feeling alone and afraid but wanting to be left alone and see no one. It can happen in an instant. I'm not sure what to do about it.

I want to tell my supervisor about everything that's going on and that I have a lot of extra stuff making me feel stressed on top of my work, because I can't focus and it hurts. I'm making ridiculous mistakes I don't usually make, and can't get through reading papers without feeling like I'm in a fog. But I don't know what he can do to change that besides reduce my work load, and if anything I appreciate at least having the work around as a distraction from how awful other things are right now, and also I just love the work that I do. It's just so sad that it is so hard to find joy in it right now because of the stress I feel.

What advice do people have on what I can I do to simply cope right now? How can I care for myself when I barely have the money to care for my basic needs and don't have a support group to turn to? How do I feel better and more stable emotionally while I adjust? Because I feel like I'm losing my mind and I don't want to, because I know this school and this country and this town is where I want to be and I want to be happy here. I don't want to feel this sad and alone and unstable.



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User Profile: sereneSunset26
sereneSunset26 November 19th, 2021

@casiopea3199

I just finished reading your post (which, by the way, was very well-written). I could almost *feel* the stresses that you've been under. Moving to a new country is so hard (I did it for awhile) and when you couple that with very real financial difficulties, it can very much feel like you're drowning.

I am glad you have an outlet with your work and are seeing a therapist; I imagine your therapist has suggested coping mechanisms, given everything you're dealing with?

I know when I'm feeling overwhelmed (and there's a reason I mention this a lot, both in person to my friends and online), I like to try to take some time and meditate. Doing so has a three-pronged effect on me; it grounds me, enhances my mindfulness, and for a time reduces the physical and mental symptoms of the stress that I am feeling.

Is meditation something that you have experience with?