The results of my loneliness
This is not really only about loneliness itself.
Yes, I feel alone: my country is struggling with Covid so I can't see my friends and our schedules in general are pretty incompatible. I'm always at home, which is the last place I'd want to be in for one reason: my parents. We've never had a good relationship and my solution always has been to spend as little time as possible with them. But now i really have no choice, since we're forced to be in the same house all the time. So they're the only people I can interact with irl, and being this lonely, I resorted to doing it more and more. I've been struggling with depression and it's giving me trouble with studying so I thought that maybe, since we've been more open with eachother, I could talk to them about it. It was a great mistake, obviously. They've never given me support or a sincere affection, and overall perhaps we've never managed to understand eachother. Maybe it's even my fault. In any case, this loneliness has pushed me towards them and the result was that i was once again disappointed by their reaction. And so I became even more sad than before. I don't know why after so many years, I would still go to them for support. I feel like the little kid who's after they're love and approval is still buried somewhere in me, and i just can't get rid of her.
Do you guys have any advice on how to stop depending on other people? Expecially on the ones that keep hurting you. Thing is, I don't want to be alone but I want to be enough for myself.
Hi Wind, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this during an already difficult time for the world 😞. It’s really disheartening to reach out for support and not receive what you need - especially from parents. One thing that has helped me is noticing that I have to ask for the type of support I need (like listening or advice). Does it always work? No, but sometimes it makes a big difference. I hope being able to voice yourself here helps! Just know that you are enough! I’m so sorry you feel so alone - sending you support 💙
@Grey27 Thank you. It's true, I know that voicing your needs with people helps, but I've never been good at it. I feel like the outcome will always be the same so why bother, you know? Maybe I will never get from my family what I search for, but I hope that one day I won't feel that need anymore. These are tiring time for everyone indeed. I hope you and your loved ones are doing ok! Thanks again for the advice. Stay safe and healthy!
I realized one point when I got older, I did not get any support from my parents either from the moment I was diagnosed with depression up until now; I realized that my parents don't really have much knowledge on Depression. It seems like that in their generation, there really wasn't any Depressive people, as everyone is so busy earning money to raise their families. Both my parents have many siblings at home, they did not finish high school before needing to start working to help with expenses at home.
When I had my first episode of depression, my parents basically didn't understand what it is nor did they know how to help me. Is it possible to somehow educate your parents on what Depression is first? Then, let them know how they could provide you the support.
If you are unable to get the support you want from them, you can always come to 7 Cups. You can even have one-on-one conversations with listeners through chat if you're really desparate to speak to someone immediately~
@politeWind
@Jaeteuk Thanks for your kind answer. I feel you and I'm deeply sorry to hear about you're experience with depression, and the response you got from your family. I hope you're doing better now.
My parents, being well educated middle class people, understand what depression is and its severity but they just...don't understand it in me. They're divorced, living in two different homes, but I see them both almost everyday: I can't hide from them insomnia, trembling hands, headaches, messed up eating habits and such. I try, but it's impossible to avoid their stares. And yet every interaction I had with them shows how little they care to know about me, or why I am the way I am. Which if is fine to me to a certain level: as I said I never received from them support or affection in that matter, so yes it pains me but it's no news. (To be more specific, their reaction is always: study more, take more lessons, pay more attention in class, put more effort in it, can't you see you're failing?...ect.)
Thing is, being this lonely has pushed me more towards them and I feel like an idiot because I know that, after all these years, I still want their approval and love...or whatever you should get from parents. And every time I try to open up I then sit there expectantly, as if I even forgot who I'm talking to. I feel like a complete idiot and I want to free myself from this.
Anyways, you stay safe and healthy. I hope to find support like the one you've shown me on this site.
@politeWind, you're very welcome.
To be honest, I don't think my family will ever give me the kind of support I need. I have an older brother, who I think always tend to crush my hopes. I had given up with hopes of having them understand my depression, and because of previous traumas and experiences in my childhood, most of the time, I'm afraid to reveal my true feelings to them. Now, I just want them to ignore me and let me be. Don't ask too much, don't assume anything about me.
When I was first dealing with my depression after a diagnosis, as I'm not the type that expresses my feelings verbally. There was a period of time where I wrote letters to my mum about my feelings, concerns regarding my situation and how their actions and words made me feel. She was able to understand me more, but they still didn't know how to handle it. Also, she didn't understand why I'd rather write letters and not speak to her directly. So, eventually, she told me to stop writing. Maybe you can try writing to your parents too? Then, maybe ask for a reply either verbally or in written form.
Knowing that I'll never get the support I want from them, I've been hoping that I could be in a relationship, where someone will accept everything about me. My past and present in regards to my depression, and everything in between. I wish to get support from that person, become my family support instead.
Stay safe and take care of yourself! Cheers~