Help or advice?
I'm about to turn 22 in a few days, and ever since I've turned 20, I've struggled with feelings of depression over my perspective toward life and nostalgia. I had managed to forget those thoughts a year ago, but they've come back. And all I do is cry for entire days thinking about the past: my childhood and teenage years. I miss them so much I wish I could go back and relive those times, especially since my parents and my grandma are getting old, as are my brothers and friends.
Just thinking that we'll never be able to do the things we used to do frustrates and saddens me so much. I think about those times I used to go out with my dad and my grandma and have snacks together or when I used to play videogames with my brothers or watch anime with them. And when I used to see my friends every day at school and do silly things with them when I got out of class.
I just can't seem to move on. I feel like I won't ever be as happy as I used to be back then, so dumb and innocent and curious about the world. It was such a safe place for me.
My family is worried about me and they try to help me as best as they can. I don't wanna to worry them. I don't wanna be a burden if I am to keep thinking like this the rest of my life. So I've had thoughts about dying. I feel like at least then I won't feel like this, I won't grow older and I won't have to see my family die or my friends leave when they decide to make their own lives elsewhere.
I've been seeking professional help, but I have no hopes that it will get better.
@fairmindedFriend8806
I think many people have feelings like that almost a wish or daydream of going back where everything seemed so simple. some want a re-do some simply do not want to leave that time of our lives.
I often questioned if it was fear of unknown and where my life will go. Life can be stressful and not always go smoothly. I found being open to what comes next good or bad helps.
We can spend our lives wishing for things to be different or avoiding things but think of all your friends and family those who care for you. Thoughts of your life ending may solve your thoughts and stress but instead transfer all of that on to them. Wishing they could be back with you.
@fairmindedFriend8806 Hey, thank you for bringing your thoughts here. The adult life might feel heavy.
I think it is possible to find moments for being like a kid. You could be the one initiating having a snack time with your dad. There is something sad about the beautiful moments that end. The best way to honor them might be to keep them in your heart as proofs that you are capable of feeling happy and connected. Keeping them as an inspiration to reach out and create new moments. We enter each others lives sometimes for a short time. Friends show up and fade. It doesn't mean they are not real in the moment.
Can you ask yourself what is your hears current desire? Can you insist on a response deeper then "I whish to go back"? What would your heart want NOW if it could have anything in the world?
Hi, I'm not a professional, but I think you shoul look for a small things you are able to do to make change.
@fairmindedFriend8806 You had a great childhood and a good personality while standing on your own feet. Professional help can only solve your outside problem if you find an unsupportive place. There's nothing wrong with you when you keep getting stuck in the past. It will be a growth, even if you don't want to grow. It's nature.
