How do you defeat depression alone?
Hi I'm Kaitlyn. I've been depressed for 8 years now, when I was 11, I was so low and depressed, leading in self harm and suicide was a frequent thing on my mind. This is where my family and I did reach for help. So I was seeing social workers and therapist's nearly everyday.
Things got better for a whlie after that, when I was about 15, I decided to cancel all my contacts cause I thought my life was looking up and I felt genuinely better, apart from the occasional spur.
Then things spiraled out of control again, I didn't wanna wake up in the morning, I didn't wanna eat, and had trouble sleeping every night and just sleep all day. Or want to, I'd never get the chance cause I have such a loud family, who never seem to sleep normal people's hours
When I was 16/17/18, I found comfort in a boy, called Kenny. I loved being insomnia'd because I knew at the end of the week, I'd sleep perfectly with him. I was never so in love for anyone in my life. Yes I am young, and people would say "you don't know what love is dear". I found love and they were the most happiest times, when I'd be with him. I fucked up a lot during me and his relationship, I cheated and lied to him, cause of my own foolishness. Which I would never forgive myself for. We were on and off for 1 year and 9 months! I found so much confort in him, it felt like my whole 6 years of sadness was gone just in one hug hello.
After a year and a couple months, we got engaged. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days a girl could have, and it was. But it didn't last long, we were always the arguing type but it got worse, to the point he had to phone the police on me twice, just to get me to leave. I didn't wanna leave the comfort, the happiness he used to flawlessly give me.
Near the end, I was depressed. Suicide riddled through my head because I felt worthless.
But now I'm here alone and don't really know how to do with it anymore, I seek in family, but they never seem to care or understand. Or help! I lI've with them again and they argue 24/7 and kids run about crazy all the time and I'm crying at least 7 times a day because I'm just so down with where I am.
So does anyone know how to deal with depression by yourself?
@ambitiousStrawberries5690 Hi Kaitlyn,
I'm sorry you're struggling. I've also been depressed for many years. I understand that you've been diagnosed with depression. I am happy to hear you had some professional help, though (therapists&social workers).
I do respect your willingness to combat depression on your own. However, as you're seeking some opinions/answers to your question on how you defeat depression alone, my answer would be: you don't.
I admire your persistence, but what I'm thinking about is you cutting off all your contacts. For me, it's one of the first vital signs of some alarming changes, not to be ignored. Of course, if all your circle of friends&acquaintances is toxic, that would be reasonable. But I bet there are some people who'd like to support you and keep in touch.
As for your family, I have an impression that everybody has their own day rhythm there and it all seems quite hectic. Do you talk to one another in your family? Or are the family members quite isolated? I hope you can talk to someone. Not everyone can be understanding, unfortunately (trust me, I should know), but I think sharing your needs is so important and always worth trying it again.
It's nice that you found comfort in someone. I am sorry things did not go your way, though. I don't know your relationship, and I can't evaluate it in any way, so you should answer those questions to yourself: Did you have any other things to support you outside the relationship? Who were you emotionally dependent on at the time (yourself, the other person, family, etc.)? If it ended, did you forget yourself for the things you could forget to lead a better life again?
I'm terribly sorry about the suicidal thoughts, crying and all the hell you've been through... 
If I may just share my experience, it's fiendishly hard to deal with depression alone. There's one thing: if not taken care of, depression might worsen and worsen. (In my case, I got to a point where I don't have anything or anyone, and I have to get from the brink. I've been able to do baby steps with my therapist's help just recently...) Of course, I hope it doesn't ever worsen in your case, I wish you all the best. But the thing is, you might be threatened. I'd just seek professional help again. Such person could help you learn how to rebuild yourself in order to be stronger. Because your mind and well-being is what you build your whole further life upon.
Don't take my words as some old granny mumble preach. ;) I take your post seriously, I can see you're reaching out, that is lovely. I'm in my early 20's and I can say it out loud: I went through hell, just like you. And wanted to combat depression alone, too. But I wish I had reached for help the moment I got so tough and desperate.
For a start, you might want to look at this: https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php
Of course, the decision depends on you. But please, don't let yourself suffer on your own. There are people who want to help you.
I wish you all the best <3
@greenEyes2019 wow thankyou for a response, this really made me feel like I ament the only one out there in this situation, and made me feel like it's actually a caring about topic and not just thrown under the carpet to rot, like I normally feel. Thankyou for giving me the hope and hopefully I will stick to this and beat this depression! Thankyou for not being a hater and judging me, it took a lot of courage to put this post up.
So thankyou Green! And I hope everything in your future will be the best for you!
@greenEyes2019
Sorry I posted that on my listener account!