One difficult life situation I am facing right now is....
I have no family and no friends for the past 21 years all I've had is my son who is my world but he is going to be going off to college to live on campus leaving me alone with my husband who has issues with me and our marriage has been more for our son then us. My light, my world is about to leave and the crushing pain of loneliness is coming down on me hard.
@gentleCat9967
I am sorry you are in such pain. You can talk to me if you want.
@struggler64
Thank you for the support and offering to talk with me about my struggle. I am not really good at reaching out and this type of format is new to me so I am still trying to figure out how to navigate it.
@gentleCat9967
No worries! You can do it whenever you are ready. Maybe think of it as stepping out of your comfort zone in a safe way. I promise I don't bite! LOL. It is good for us to step out of our comfort zones as much as we're able, widening our horizons. No pressure.
@gentleCat9967
That is so very hard to go through! I went through that many years ago. It felt like my soul was being blown up inside my body. I had no one to go to, no one who would understand. They would only say "Well he is suppose to do this when he grew up". Well I don't care about that! Hes my baby boy, my son, My heart and soul! My oxygen! Yes, I'm still alive, I'm still going through the motions. I'm okay. But I know how you feel! I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But Just know this, you are not alone, there are others who are going through this with you, maybe you can try to feel their crying and pain somehow and kind of share this with them in your mind or write a letter to them because they are feeling it too. It's just hurts so bad ... I understand this feeling...
@Namaste1975
Thank you for making me feel that I am not alone and that others hurt just as bad as I am. I hope to make it through this as you did.
Me and my boyfriend are having some time apart. It
Hello, I have been battling depression. I think about suicide all of the time. I'm just afraid to do it. I hate this feeling that feels like a heaviness on my heart- I can't clean my house or do anything. I wish I could die of cancer or something so I could get out of this world.
@Namaste1975
I'm so sorry that you feel this way, I know it can be hard and really demotivating as well as downright draining, but I hope you'll get through it, with the help, support, care and love of the right people.
I am so sorry you feel this way. Ive had feelings like the ones you have listed before as well. You were created for a reason, you are here for a reason, your soul may hurt, but its still so beautiful. Youre on my heart @Namaste1975
I've been with my fiance for 5 years and when we started dating, we discussed children and both of us agreed - we didn't want them. Recently, he has suddenly changed his mind and wants to have children. Whenever we talk about it, he gets frustrated because he will ask if I want them, and my response is "I don't know". Apparently that's not a good enough response, but it's the only one I can give right now...
I'm scared of being pressured into making the choice to have kids and then resenting him (or the children) later. But I'm also terrified of losing him - either by saying no now and having him leave, or making him accept not having children and having him resent me later in life. He's the love of my life and I want to make him happy, but ImI afraid of losing myself along the way.
I don't have anyone unbiased to talk to about this and so I've kept it all bottled up for months now. Starting to take it's toll so here I am.
@Toast1717 Hey, I don't know the exact details of your situation, so please take my advice with a grain of salt. I would suggest to try thinking hard about why you don't want to consider having children and then sitting him down to have a clear conversation about the matter. Communication is key. Before giving him your reasons, make sure to ask him what his reasons are for having children and why he changed. Get as much data as possible so you understand his side really well. Do not try to guess his reasons beforehand because that will lead you to overthinking the matter and end up with more unnecessary stress. Once you get him talking, he will feel heard, which will hopefully reduce his frustration. And once you have more information about his thoughts, then you will be able to make a more informed explanation of your decision and reasons. I suggest taking a walk outside and discussing with him then. You can ignore most of my advice, just remember to communicate, talk it out, someway somehow, don't wait too long, face the problem head on. Set a time with him, just make sure to discuss it with him clearly and properly. I believe not communicating was the biggest mistake I made and I ended up losing her after a 5 year relationship, don't make the same mistake.
TLDR: Don't overthink it, communicate and stay strong, we're all rooting for you 🙂. I hope this helps. Also checkout book: How to win friends and influence people.
@mach13 Thank you for such a thorough response and don't feel obligated to respond to this - I think it'll be helpful just to type it out.
His reasons are both logical and emotional. His brother recently had his first child and I think that's been the emotional part - seeing how his brother loves his daughter makes him want the same thing.
His logical reasons for having children are about "the meaning of life" - i.e., what's the point of our lives, what are we really working towards - he's searching for meaning and thinks he'll find it in raising children.
My trepidation stems from what child bearing will do to my body/psyche (my mother had debilitating PPD and I've only just started fully recovering from PTSD) - side note: he will not consider adoption/surrogacy - and how it'll change my life in general (I'm fearful of becoming "just a mom", I have no friends even close to having children, I really love my job but can't imagine being a working mom, I worry all the child-raising burden will be placed on me, etc, etc.). It just all feels more like a sacrifice than a blessing to have children, and I don't want to start having children with that attitude.
I desperately want to be fully on the pro-baby train and have all the anxieties around it to go away, but I have no idea how to make that happen. Those nagging thoughts won't go away.
@Toast1717 Hey, thanks for providing more context. I don't have much experience with child birth, so again, please take my advice with a grain of salt. If none of your friends have gone through the child birth process, then I would guess you're quite young in which case you can try asking for some time. You don't have to have kids right now, maybe you can ask him to wait a few years. I would also suggest consulting someone who has gone through a similar situation like a relative or a friend of a friend. I would also suggest helping him find his existential purpose through some other means, for example you guys could do volunteer work at an orphanage. He might find purpose in helping others, and that might also help him reconsider the adoption option. If things get really bad, then I would suggest couple's therapy, it always helps to get a professional opinion.
With regards to the lingering thoughts, I recommend listening to this podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOw6izSfzSA The interviewee is a successful startup founder, who's also a mother. In the interview she talks about how she managed to balance being a mother and ceo with the help of her husband.
If you do change your mind about having a child, then I would suggest making a deal with your husband on his role in the process and what tasks he must accomplish before, during and after the pregnancy. Whenever someone asks me for a favor, I usually outsource as many tasks as I can to the requester, so they truly understand the gravity of their request. There are many different points of failure in any process, so make sure both of you understand all the risks and workout contingency plans, with him, for those risks. Remember, you're not alone in this, you guys are partners.
I hope some of that helps, good luck with everything 🙂.
I NEVER wanted kids ever. But then I had one and well now I have 3 lol. They bring me so much joy. With my first, I was terrified that I would never love him the whole time I was pregnant, but the moment I heard him cry I was overwhelmed with love for him. Same with the other two. It is your decision in the end. Usually when someone resents their child, its due to postpartum depression, and that passes and can be treated. I went through it myself! Just my two cents, hope maybe itll help somehow! @Toast1717
@trenthamtecla thank you, this makes me a little less anxious about the possibility of taking that leap.
Money lol
Over thinking about being a bad friend
I'm in high school and we are having a mental health unit for health class. Most of the things we learn about or the activities we do end up triggering me and I leave the class holding back tears. This class is also right before lunch, so the rest of my day is crap.
I am in a deep depression. I found out recently that my husband cheated on my for the whole first year of our marriage, and weve only been married for 2.5 years. I feel like my whole life is just a lie.
Feeling like the world turned their back on me
I feel so sad and depressed lately it's just I feel like everyone ignores me no one talks to me so the days just seem pointless and boring. Nothing ever works out and I feel like I'm just here not really living which makes me sad I'm just wasting time I can never get back.
@sympathetic5745 hang on in there things get worse before become better but youll get there youll see!! Look after yourself & do what makes you happy 😃 x
@sympathetic5745 I feel the same way but I also feel emotionless and burnt out