What makes you guys want to still "go on"?
I got banned on an offsite forum for asking this, so figured I'd ask here; since I don't have a will to live anymore and my fear of eternal hell has started to greatly diminish.
Figured I'd at least know other peoples' will to live; and see if that makes me reconsider mine. If not, oh well.
Dear @modestMaple6475,
If you are reading this there is a small piece of you that wants to hold on.
I am so proud of you for reaching out, even if you have done so without words. You have kindly given me a few minutes of your time, and I do appreciate that. I won’t feed you some bullshit like it’s all going to be OK with time because it may not be, and it may not turn out as you wish, but you will never know if you don’t stick around to find out.
You have a purpose in this life, whether you realize it at this point or not. Your book has so many chapters to be written. You are needed, your voice and your story are essential for someone, be it a stranger or a friend.
Everyone has their own reasons for wanting to live, may it be family, life in general, just surviving, it's in our nature to want to survive. You may not see or even hear it, but someone out there values your life; I value your life. I don’t know you, but I do care because I can empathize with your pain; I feel it myself.
If you are still reading this, I am incredibly proud of you for stopping what you were doing and giving me a few moments of your precious time. Just reading this is the beginning… you have extended your arm, you just have to unclench your fist. If you ever want to chat about anything or just need a listening ear. Please don't hesitate to send me a message.
Best wishes,
Daphne
@DearDaphne
maybe there is. or isn't. up to debate.
though it's true that i'll never know if i'll be alright unless i continue living - the thing is, right now at least - i kinda couldn't really care less about staying alive.
perhaps i do. but again, who cares when you no longer have the "patience" to continue living. (fyi, i've been feeling like this since the mid-2010s, i've persevered through... let's just say that i'm grasping at my straws here. won't be surprised if i do end up doing it next year or the year after that.)
yeah, i just said i don't have any.
thanks though.
Dear @modestMaple6475,
Well you have been struggling for a long time, I hope you will find some peace within you. You are incredibly brave and strong for going on this long. Stay safe!
Best wishes,
Daphne
@modestMaple6475 Hey. I'm sorry you got kicked offanother site for asking this. I see nothing wrong with the question myself. It's an honest question. For me it depends on my state of mind I guess. Some days there's that little sliver of hope that says what if - what if it gets better? What if there are better things coming. I don't believe in heaven or hell but - what if? Some days it's my dogs. Some days it the fact that the "job" would leave a mess and it would burden others. Sometimes it can be little things too. The taste of a fresh strawberry or to see a sunset. To walk in the moonlight. Given the question you asked it may be stupid on my part to ask but is there anything you get enjoyment from?
@mytwistedsoul
eh, then again, i did kinda word it morbidly at the time; so that just might be it. probably should've removed references to death before posting, i guess.
but i see... innate curiousity to see if things would've been better if you didn't end yourself, your dogs and worrying about burdening others. well, at least you still have the last part going... not to sound selfish - but the truth is the truth; i can't really find myself caring about what others might feel should i ever off myself. if you were gonna be that sad when i "go away", you probably should've treated me a lot better while i was still alive. otherwise, kinda makes the whole "feeling sad/other shit when you're dead" ordeal worthless and a bit taunting.
well, (some) video games, socializing (especially worldbuilding) and storywriting still gives me enjoyment... the problem with the latter is that i can only write down story ideas; i find it really difficult to stitch those ideas into a story because i don't even have the slightest idea on how to do it (stitching the stories into a proper story)
@modestMaple6475 Idk - whether it was worded morbidly or not - it was still an honest question. I mean - I know alot of sites have rules about discussing suic*de. I see it as a good question because I would rather have someone talk to me about it - it's better then to have someone who is hurting and keeping those thoughts to themselves
You do have a point - people should treat others better when they're alive. Unfortunately alot of people don't realize these things until it's too late. So how about - what keeps you going is - spite. For all the people who maybe thought you would or maybe thought you wouldn't make something of yourself
I think writing a story would be hard - even just to come up with ideas for them - have you ever given any thought to maybe taking a writing class? It would give you people to socialize with as well - a chance to meet new people who would appreciate you for who you are
@mytwistedsoul
thing is, everyone has their own way of writing things; so i feel like it kinda doesn't matter which writing class you attend to; seeing as how writing methods vary from people to people.
@modestMaple6475
My dream of living in a small cottage alone with my animals and trees is what helps me get through the toughest of days. I truly hope you find something of your own, sending bear hugs! 
The world has so much to offer, it would be a shame to lose or waste opportunities.
This what I tell myself when im feeling really down. Some days I feel like its more out of routine than anything.
@modestMaple6475
Hey u know what, I totally get your point and so would many others here. Sometimes I indeed feel that there is really nothing new that's coming up to alter my life dramatically. Despite what people say, I indeed feel powerless at times to alter my own life as well.
But the thing that keeps me going till now, is that I simply refuse to leave this world without ever getting a chance to live the life that I have always wanted. Every stifled sob and scream in the bathroom, every night lying on a tear soaked pillow would be wasted and pointless if I didn't provide myself the happiness of creating and enjoying a life that I want. I think I owe myself that much at least after being through so much.
@Jezelia
that's a very hopeful way to see it, i'll admit. i hope things go your way soon. 
What keeps me going is knowing that s**cide often doesn't work and there's a high risk of surviving with unforseen injuries and pain, which would be even worse than the situation I'm in now. I am also kept going by a small hope that one day I might become like my old self again, like the girl I once was - a person who I admire and miss and would do anything to be again.
A while ago I saw a video online of a lady who attempted to not live a few years ago, she said that if her attempt had succeeded she wouldn't have met the love of her life, she wouldn't have got married and she wouldn't of had her beautiful children and raised them aswell, she wouldn't have felt the sun on her face or walked barefoot on the grass, she wouldn't have had the wonderful experiences she had had and has yet to have.
hang on in there, I hope this helps ❤️
I still go on because I'm sure I'm loved and being appreciated even if my mind denied it so hard. I am sure that my problems can be solved I know it's still not the end for me yet. I still in debted with my friends, family and anyone around me for their kindness and helps they'd given me. With my presence, I know that I could someone in ease and help them to be better.
I love you, ok? The pain will end, keep going. You're a miracle to us.