Lesson #1: What You Resist Persists

I'm going to talk about my recent experience with the depression side of my bipolar diagnosis in this post. My depression usually happens around winter time and I was really afraid of falling into another one this year. I started to see small symptoms which freaked me out. I was constantly thinking about it, talking about it and even writing about it in my journal. I would actively try to fight the depressing thoughts by coming up with good plans, putting a million things on my routine list and I was reading a lot of books about mental health. I started to feel very "foggy", very down, and I felt like I had no purpose. Since I was doing all this, it started developing faster and faster.

One day. My counselor told me something that I will probably never forget, "What you resist persists". I was resisting so much by trying to solve it rather than being kind and patient with myself. The key to not falling into a depression (or at the least preventing it from progressing more) is taking a deep breath, relaxing, and moving forward with low stress day to day activities. As hard as it sounds, accepting that the depressed thoughts are there, being kind to yourself and reframing those negative thoughts into something realistic but also more positive is the way to go.

When my counselor first told me that, it clicked. It made sense to me that I was ultimately making it worse because I was stressing myself out by doing all the things I mentioned above. I scraped my long routine and tried my best to relax. I started doing things based on what I felt like doing at the moment and if I didn't want to do anything that day, that's completely ok. I tried my best not to make it a habit to stay in bed all day, but if it was a really bad day, then I gave myself a pass. Before, I wanted answers immediately when the answer was actually just being patient and knowing my own limits.

Keeping myself busy based on what I want to do in the moment helped me the most. One day, I went swimming with my family and spent the day with them, and later I hung out with one friend. It was a really good day, one of the best days I've had in a long time. That day is when I started not feeling so foggy and down. That day wasn't long ago and today I actually feel great. The fogginess is almost gone. Even though I still get down on myself, I found the best solution which is not resisting and being kind.

I hope this helped <3