This is what happened today to me (sad story)

Someone told me today that my depression is my fault, that I gave up, other people have a way worse life but they still work and move because they need the money.

I live with my sister and she pays her rent and the food, I stopped buying anything for myself because I don’t want her to pay anything for me and when I crave something like a book, I ask her but every couple of months and the maximum price I asked for was 30 dollars.

This person told me that my sister pays the rent and the food and that since I know that, that’s why I feel down, and gave up on life, because I want to live like this, doing nothing all day, I told this person if I enjoy doing nothing and I am lazy, why it is hard to finish a book, why I gave up running, why I don’t go out with my friends, why I sleep all day, and then the person answered because I didn’t enjoy those things that’s why. And this is not true.

This person told me I gave up on myself, and I don’t care about anyone by myself, that I am selfish, and there is something depressed but everyone is already depressed, unhappy and sad but they still work. This person told me if I don’t have a house, I would move and work, but I have a backup which is my sister and that’s why I quit my job.

My sister was silent, this person is her best friend and she didn’t say a word.

I quit because I was too fatigued to work, I was too depressed to get out of bed, still do.

My sister is older and I am the youngest and I remember last year I gave her all of my saving and went through days when I starved myself just to get her out of her debt. I didn’t complain and I never regret what I did and I never remind her of it.

I got diagnosed with depression in October and the doctor told me that I need to get treated ASAP, but I refused and still refuse to go through therapy and medications because I am trying to find a way to not let her pay and I lie and tell her that I don't want to go, so hearing that I am selfish was shocking, because I didn’t ask for anything and if I can pay the rent I would.

I don’t know what to feel, I feel so much pain and anger because I already hate that I can’t help myself, but at the same time, I feel like maybe I am in pain and angry because someone spoke the truth, to me. maybe that’s why my sister was quiet, maybe I am selfish, maybe I am spoiled, maybe I am manipulative. I am shaken while writing this, but I had to let it all out before I explode from the pain and anger.

What do you think, I want a person out of the picture. Tell me your answer explicitly, I can take it.

I feel alone and this is not a feeling, I am alone, I have no one to tell me that I matter, I am the one who tells myself that I matter even when I don't see it, but I lie to myself, along with other lies to keep going even if I have nothing to keep going for. I only keep going for my sister to not give her trauma, that does not sound selfish at all.