How do I get out of this?

Summer holydays. A good thing right? No, definitely not, I believe they are but facts are saying a different thing. This years I had my exams and my anxiety didn't help so I've been nervous and stressed for all mid-june now the exams are finished and it's sure I've passed them but I'm not happy, I'm not celebrating or other things like that. I feel so damn tired mentally and physically, it feels like my heart is pounding slower than usual and that every breath is another weight on my back, I wake up in the morning and already want to get back to sleep. When I sleep I feel better because I don't feel anything, I've also started sh because my depression is not only that but a constant feeling of danger and anxiety that I can't control, is like my depression wants to sleep all day but my anxiety keeps me awake all night. So cutting and scratching my skin somehow calms my anxiety so I can finally sleep. Every day is a torture, how the *** am I supposed to continue living? How people can do that with many problems on their back? HOW?? And why should I do that too? Life is useless, I am useless, EVERYTHING is useless, but why??? Even the logic part of me is tired of just living like this. I've always had suicide thoughts but in these days they're getting stronger and more specific and detailed. I have depression since a few years ago and I usually lived like I didn't have it, I went to school, returned home, discussed with my mother, listened to music and did everything I could just to not think about my feelings and keep going forward, day after day. I don't take any antidepressants or similars because no one notice this, I became too good at hiding it, and the few people that knows only a little part of my problems? They don't care. I don't know what to do, because I can't sh too much because I don't want people seeing it and in summer I can't dress up too much, I can't try other ways to calm my anxiety (for example listening to music) because then I have to face my depression and I just can't get out of bed, I can't face the depression because then I remain with my anxiety and I can't relax a single second. I'm so confused and tired and nervous and frustrated, I envy people without these problems. And in all of this, there's still my mother screaming to me to clean the kitchen ignoring that even breathing normally has became an issue for me, usually I screamed to her too but now I don't have the strenght even for that. How do I get out? Many of my problems come out from my parents that just don't know how to grow a daughter correctly (and that's another problem) so I planned to move away when I can legally but how do I arrive there safely? Any advice frome anyone would be great and perfectly accepted. Sorry if I write here but I just needed to vent, my english is not good so sorry for any errors, sorry for bothering you with my problems and thanks for reading.