I’m so alone I’m losing hope (replies would be appreciated)
i fear going back to school everyday, I’m going into sophomore year and it’s unbelievable how scared I am. I entered high school completely alone and friendless and I still am. My only friend isn’t even in the same school as me.
i used to have a friend group but they’re not exactly the best people, so they abandoned me with many arguments that tore me apart and ruined other relationships alongside them. I’m not blaming them, I know us teenagers can do stupid ruthless things sometimes but the effect the situation had on me hasn’t worn off. The day I lost everyone was June of 2022. Over a year has passed, I haven’t made a single school friend since.
i don’t have any friends outside of school either besides that one friend (who is my best friend and I love her dearly) however she’s was apart of the same group that left me so any memories I have with that group are automatically tied to her as well. She’s in another and has moved on and found new friends, I’m endlessly happy for her and I’m glad I’m still in her life. We speak everyday but I still feel a pit of loneliness knowing I have no one at school itself.
i sit alone in the library everyday, I read almost all the time and the only people who approach me are teachers. Every time I go to the gym where everyone is I feel ashamed for being such a loner, everyone can tell I am. I tried finding new friends within my grade but I can’t seem to find anyone I can actually fit in with their all very problematic and get themselves in trouble I understand that’s how most people are in high school and I can’t expect someone special but I just really am scared of drama and confrontation after what happened the previous year.
it’s summer I’ve been having a good time spending it on my own with my one friend and a few online friends. However I can’t shake the fear and anxiety of going back to school I had a rough year, a really rough year. I was on meds because of how bad my depression had got, nothing deeply dramatic happened to me at school but I did catch a few insults here and there from my former peers who left me.
im so anxious of going back, I feel so lonely most times and have breakdowns when I come to the realisation I truly have no real life or school friends. It’s exhausting being alone, i feel worthless and have thought about ending it several times but I’ve never gotten far and don’t intend to. Sometimes I feel so low I question why I’ve been put in this world. I just want high school to be over so I don’t have to deal with the heavy loneliness and regret and shame I feel everyday there.
i cant move schools due to the fact it’s the only well adjusted school in my district. I just Need help I feel so low every single day, I feel like I’ll never truly be happy. Life at home is alright not the greatest which doesn’t help ease off the dread and loneliness. Even sleep seems to be disturbing due to the fact I usually get stressful nightmares and headaches when I wake up. I don’t know what to do, I’m losing hope more and more everyday.
@Taintedrose112
I´m very sorry to hear about your situation and send you strength to help you keep going little by little.
Social environment is very complex and most of the time we can´t be our true selves while being engaged in our social circles. You can´t push other people to be with you, and if you go the other way where you push yourself to be "sociable" you will suffer throughout time of not being your true self, and the pain will get worse over time.
As you describe it seems that you take care of yourself alone and know how to spend time without going for the bad habits route, so that´s a win already where you´re suffering and you´re able to keep your boat on healthy habits route (focus on studying, reading).
Keep the people who love you and understand you close and take care of them, and focus on the things you can manage by yourself without depending on others, if you force yourself to be somebody else only to have "people around" with time you won´t manage the double personality it represents.
Is very hard to be lonely, and learn how to bare with it and be able to live without frecuent external relations. For me is better to have 1 pure real relation than 10 fake ones, don´t know what you think about that.
Wish you the best and strength to keep going.
thank you so much for replying @JJDuctu
@Taintedrose112
It does suck to be alone ....... and it is hard to trust or want to start after what you went through.......
being alone happens after high school or even college is over too... the difference is those situations have a lot more opportunity to meet others.....
what are you looking for in a friend.... making and being a friend takes effort on any person involved.
if you want No drama........ that equals no people as most people have drama just different levels of it.
someone who finds you: are you doing things like smiling or talking to anyone else? or do you expect your next friend or friend group to FIND you.
how do you see others makes a big deal as well some of my best friend relationships were with people that at first glance people would say we had nothing in common or people did not see it ..... when we chatted we found more in common then we or anyone else thought.
i hope you can find a break in your anxiety about this and maybe just put out the thought to the universe that you are ready to welcome new friends and experiences into your life.
let go of all the What if's thoughts your holding onto... because new and better thoughts can not find room to grow if they are crowded out.