My parents rely on me to be happy but I can't take it
To start, I am a 13 year old girl with 4 siblings, most of them younger than me so I several responsibilities have been given to me from early on. My one older sister isn't much of a help most of the times, and she is one of the main causes of my "mild" depression and apparently severe anxiety.
She is always fighting with my dad, which can turn to be pretty violent and hurtful, even if you aren't related to the argument whatsoever. You always feel guilty, and find a way to make it your fault.
She also is pretty toxic and snarky, but I can tell she means well but is very insecure about herself. She has to deal with a lot, and my parents aren't exactly understanding.
With all of her problems, she basically verbally abuses me and my younger sister. The two youngest ones don't get it, because they are her favorites, being small and all. With having a bully big sister, a younger sister who takes the brunt of it, and two toddlers, I don't get much attention.
They are always working, with two businesses to handle. I never really get to talk to them. I hardly know anything about them. I know they are relying on me to be the mentally stable, happy one but it isn't my help. I only ever really get to talk with them if I'm in trouble.
I don't know what to do. I feel like this is going to consume me before my bigger sister moves out.
Hi I'm sorry to hear what's been going on for you. I'm sorry to hear you don't have a close relationship with your parents, as that must be really hard. I believe if you had more support from them you worries might disappear. It's really important that you start looking out for your self care and your thoughts what come into your mind when certain things start triggering you and other people around. It's best to notice these warning starts which your doing and you should continue with that. You should look out for yourself but for the your family and there safety. Your parents really could do with helping you and your siblings and it's shame there working keeping there business flowing but it's time you start making them listen to you and know this situation with the sister isn't safe and they need to do more. What's more important there family getting along or there business what is important but not more than what there family means to them. Do you have any aunties or uncles or friends even? Getting them to step in as this shouldn't be down to just you or you at all to deal with your sister. It seems your sister does sound like she has alot of insecurity issues is putting her moods and bad days on you because you live with her, it's easy for her to and your target for her and others as they see you as little and weak which isn't the case. What you need to start doing is writing everytime something happens on paper, the day the time and what it was about. Things what were said, what were done and how it made you feel. You need to keep telling your parents everytime what happens and showing them everything you written and if no improvement speak to someone like an aunt or a friend who can advice you if you have one but if not talk to someone over the phone and get them to refer you to someone who maybe be able to deal with this further with you and come to the bottom with why this is happening and give you ways to manage and help you help the situation and give you things to think about and ideas what might help. Anything right now is worth a try, also I would into assertiveness. If you don't know what it is look it up online and that will be very handy to use if anytime your in a toxic situation and how to handle it well and the way it will make you been seen as a confident and strong person. Showing your strengths but working on your weakness if your not confident and maybe try don't things what will make you happy around the house. Maybe if no one's getting on think how you can brighten the mood in the house or what is fun and what enjoy and just be yourself and do things you love doing to so not blaming yourself if your sister is being mean. Reminding that with using positive quotes that even if this is hard time right now and your doing what you can it's not down to you or your not the problem and you will get this sorted even if it's the last thing you do and you will not let others ignore you or not listen. You will make them listen. It's believing in yourself knowing your not the problem and your a great person. It's someone what has issues what need sorting by them and what isn't a problem of yours but there's. Keep reminding yourself on that. I hope that's ok and if it helps but please try talking to someone first and think about what I suggested. You can use these and start doing them or use it once you get better idea from someone who knows you.
I'm here if you wanna talk
Good luck
