OCD

hi, I'm 20 y/o. and I'm experiencing OCD, or skin picking, and anxiety, well also suicidal thoughts. my mom and i are always arguing about me picking my lips, or the skin beside my fingernails or callouses, like... it became my habit. and there are also times that when me and my mom argue, i always started to cry, banging my head on the wall while silently crying, going out of the bathroom like nothing happened even if my eyes are like puffs and reddy. i do always feel like I'm having two faces, I'm very expert at hiding my feelings but I don't know how to.. you know.. express and let it all out, afraid that they might say I'm just over reacting and it's just nothing. even my own relatives or family doesn't know what's on my mind, sometimes I'm becoming a short-tempered person. I don't like having a bad day, I don't like arguing because once it started, it'll ruin my day and next... I don't know how to cope up with it. I don't have any emotional support from any. i sometimes pity myself for not being able to be strong, like... i can make myself LOOK strong, but I'm not. good at hiding and pretending, but my heart feels like about to explode. i also feel like my habits aren't normal anymore.