This is me pouring myself out to everyone

It came to me like a big cannon ball. Broke me into smithereens. Me. My sole being.

Tears flushed away the sadness but it never subdued. It is a mystique waterfall, pouring and pouring until theres nothing left but the magic of endless time. In years I found loneliness in solitude. In time I found longing in grief. I found myself in an endless trap of time and space baring myself to its vulnerability. I am naked in a skin different from what I was born with – a tremendous skin of storms and hurricanes not knowing what peace is. I learned to cloth myself in silence, a grief stricken silence that could disturb a herd of lions.

I am a lioness. I found myself wandering in the arid desert in search for an oasis. No, I do not belong here. I need to find my place, my comfort, my freedom. I have fought a good fight against the elements of this desert. I wish Ive known more. I wish I never left. But I was blown here without my consent. Could it have been worse if they asked where I want to be? I wish to find my oasis but there is only an offer to thirst – this thirst I couldnt quench with anything, this thirst that dried my tongue into fragments until it returned to dust. I am crying for help but none can hear. The vultures. They hear. They wait for the immortality of my words, for the endlessness of my being.

I am futile. I am a failure of creation and evolution. My flaws scathed against the intensity of perfection. I am nothing, yet I am everything. I do not wish this to be the end, but to be an ellipses of what has to come. I wedded myself with sorrow and learned to embrace the love it has given. Hope. It has given me hope. In uncertainty it came out of my mouth, swirling, ready to burn everything it passes by and yet I found myself stuck in the middle of this barrenness. All my cries lead to my higher being but he chose to disregard me. What have I done to be forsaken?

I have loved you in a thousand suns, in a million skies, in a billion fragments of my being. You are my beginning, my alpha, and my probable reason to cease. I hear your breath in my prayers, in my begging, in my pleading. I long for you everyday, my sweet sorrow. In begging I have asked for your endless quiet forgiveness, for my decision to float like the dandelions in the wind. Take my breath and take my body.

I am all yours. Save me.

*** Im not very good with writing so pardon me. But here's my heart and I'm pouring it out to you.