A glimpse on my journey with chronic skin conditions

My skin always got easily "patched" when I got a few pimples, making the skin texture and tone uneven which made me feel super insecure. I felt like it all made me look so much older than my actual age and welp, people were there to confirm! I felt utterly ashamed and so ugly and alone and pathetic and what not!

Then I saw the dermatologist again, finally, my mother was consistent about my treatment this time. And it was working well. It worked well. I started feeling pretty for thr first time as a teenager and it was everything. Even though my skin someone still managed to look uneven in texture and tone, but I guess deep healing takes time and patience.

I think trauma and emotional pain was definitely a trigger for my acne and it still is. Recently I had breakout, it wasn't as bad, but it was there though this time I'm a lot kinder to myself which I've harnessed over the past couple of years.

This time it got bad on my scalp though.

I have these big acne babies turning into adults on my scalp now and sometime back they itched really bad and so I used to scratch em, hard and because of that it got bruised and I picked that again. I've noticed recently how quick my cloth gets covered in flakes of skin when I touch my hair. It feels so natural to just pick that scalp that often I don't realise and than I'm like whoa!

Besides acne, now I have something new, apparently it's severe too!

I have tons of eczema starting from my hairline on my nape to my upper back and chest and parts of my neck. When I first had eczema, which was a few months back, as usual, my skin was super irritated and I scratched it as I could and then it got bruised and then I'd scratch the bruises and pick em and it'd bruise again and I'd scratch and pick again. And so often it wasn't very consciously. It made me relaxed to do that.

I did come in terms with the fact that if I keep doing all that picking, it won't heal and get worse only. So I started to take care of the skin and have my hands busy. It almost went away. There were darks spots/ scars from it (it was really bad) that started to become lighter in color, meaning starting to go away. But then it made a bug comeback. First my nape, where I repeated my usual habit of scratching and picking until there was no good skin left. It started to spred on my back and chest. I thought it'd somehow go away lol.

But in the past weeks I've noticed it's gotten worse and worse and scary, it was crawling up my neck and I have a couple of em on my chin. And they were so irritated, as was my scalp acne and my ears (that I regularly scratch and then pick the bruises because of the heat).

It looked scary and helpless. Especially not being able to stop scratching at times because it's SO irritated.

I noticed I had grown super allergic to a lot of foods I liked that were causing the irritations.

I saw the dermatologist again yesterday. And he did the diagnosis and forbade me from stuffs. I just feel a lot more relaxed today because I'm now at a place with it and not helplessly floating around.

The eczema on my chest already looks better.

It will get better.