The arc of a year

I know a second post in short order but it's related and I didn't know where else to put it.

A year ago in September I got stupid sick with a respiratory disease. It wasn't covid or anything else that was identifiable. But it hit hard forcing me onto a ton of meds. I was taking a strong steroid and a daily inhaler along with taking a rescue inhaler as needed. It was bad, my whole life was impacted. And me being me I was set off on a whole journey.

I started with being almost disabled from lung issues to the wild ride of mass steroids in my system. The physical and emotional fallout from there was intense. I had such a bad holiday season that I wound up seeking partial hospitalization treatment for PTSD. That was it's own journey but no less intense and a part of this. I got to be genuinely disabled for a while. And then after feeling the repercussions that took months to settle. During this time my body reached new levels of respiratory sensitivity. Even as I mentally recovered I still hit more days of physical disability where my issues hit hard. Today during the holiday I was hammered proving that they're still very much an active time bomb waiting to wreck a day or more.

Mentally it's been wild. From my worst winter on record after months of steroid brain frying to the best grip on my mind I've ever had. There's been a ton of stress and I've handled it in some very solid or downright amazing ways. One unexpected thing was accepting my physical issues as an actual disability, not just a temporary bit. It started with the ptsd diagnosis but has spread as I've acknowledged how my body has slown me down. I now see myself as having an actual disability and am kinder to myself as a result. It still hits hard and I'm trying to navigate the world in new ways but I have some resilience to keep going.