Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today
secretSail3092
2 1,797 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts255 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes41 Current upvotes41 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceAugust 21, 2025
Bio
Recent forum posts
secretSail3092 profile picture
Major break
Trauma Support / by secretSail3092
Last post
 January 13th
...See more I don't know if this is the right spot but hopefully it works. I was talking in therapy and hit kind of a major break through. I've been doing all this prep work and documenting things lately related to memory loss and brain fog. Between some rough moments recently and therapy just now I realized how scared of the possibilities I am. Like top teir fears, right next to actually dying level fear. I'm shaking from opening this door. It's stupid scary what the results might be. And it's not even that the result could be dismissal and gaslightinf, it's that it might be something real and progressing, something that says I'm going to fade out lose any sense of self and it'll happen before I'm properly old. I have to lock it down for now, but it has a shape and my own acknowledgement.
secretSail3092 profile picture
Progressing cognitive impairment
Disability Support / by secretSail3092
Last post
 January 4th
...See more It feels like I'm here every few days at this point on what has become the same topic and I hate it. I feel like my mind is declining. Not in a sliding into mental illness way but in a losing bits. My sense of time is utterly and perpetually shot, I have to work to remember what day year month it is in order of events. I forget details easily and recall is hard. Anything taking mental effort seems to cost an arm and a leg in energy. And i was a very mental person. I'm not that old and Im losing myself. It's terrifying and all I can do is exhaust myself documenting it.
secretSail3092 profile picture
A small but notable win
Motivation & Accountability / by secretSail3092
Last post
 December 31st, 2025
...See more So I've been having a lot of issues lately and really through the last year and a half. Recently I started documenting everything trying to build a picture of symptoms and patterns. As part of that I asked my boss for data on days missed and trouble spots. Getting that data involved a one on one meeting. It was hard seeing all my problems from the last year laid out including some significant trouble. But I did it! I didn't panic or meltdown, I stayed focused and set aside the shame I felt. I did it and was okay afterwards-I'm still very emotional but I'm also caffinated and sick too which doesn't help. It is such a big win. As a bonus she gave me some real validation that my issues might be a real medical bit and not just more mental illness.
secretSail3092 profile picture
Brain fog and memory issues
35 & Over Community / by secretSail3092
Last post
 January 4th
...See more Lately I've started to realize that I've been dealing with a lot of brain fog and memory issues. I didn't even catch it until it started causing problems at home and work. My career is permanently stalled after a few things one of which is not really learning procedures. I can do them but I have to ask small details that are normally easily recalled or figured out. My wife and I are having serious difficulties because I can't recall some of her food issues when I'm making dinner or I'll make it the wrong way. The worst bit is that I don't even realize it. I think and try and still get it wrong. After 6 years together and three years married I'm missing a lot of the little details that I should have and did pick up. Now it's like they never existed. I've wrecked a months worth of dinners and 3 consecutive Christmases and birthdays based on doing/getting the wrong thing. It's very hard and isolating. I don't even want to be around people or my wife because I forget so much. We have a lot going on and I'm sure it's going to wreck things.
secretSail3092 profile picture
The weather as a trigger
Trauma Support / by secretSail3092
Last post
 November 30th, 2025
...See more !TW ! I was abused in 2010 and it started with a specific weather pattern that seems to recur a lot around the anniversary. I'm not doing too badly around the abuse itself, I managed to settled that earlier this year. But the weather is providing an odd trigger. The weather pattern itself is a heavy snowstorm followed by a sudden drop in temps the next day. A pretty common pattern for the Midwest this time of year. It wouldn't be bad but I've hunkered down and tried to relax after weeks of stress and despite more stress coming soon and tension in the air. It's a whole pattern and I'm kinda crashing.
secretSail3092 profile picture
The arc of a year
Disability Support / by secretSail3092
Last post
 December 1st, 2025
...See more I know a second post in short order but it's related and I didn't know where else to put it. A year ago in September I got stupid sick with a respiratory disease. It wasn't covid or anything else that was identifiable. But it hit hard forcing me onto a ton of meds. I was taking a strong steroid and a daily inhaler along with taking a rescue inhaler as needed. It was bad, my whole life was impacted. And me being me I was set off on a whole journey. I started with being almost disabled from lung issues to the wild ride of mass steroids in my system. The physical and emotional fallout from there was intense. I had such a bad holiday season that I wound up seeking partial hospitalization treatment for PTSD. That was it's own journey but no less intense and a part of this. I got to be genuinely disabled for a while. And then after feeling the repercussions that took months to settle. During this time my body reached new levels of respiratory sensitivity. Even as I mentally recovered I still hit more days of physical disability where my issues hit hard. Today during the holiday I was hammered proving that they're still very much an active time bomb waiting to wreck a day or more. Mentally it's been wild. From my worst winter on record after months of steroid brain frying to the best grip on my mind I've ever had. There's been a ton of stress and I've handled it in some very solid or downright amazing ways. One unexpected thing was accepting my physical issues as an actual disability, not just a temporary bit. It started with the ptsd diagnosis but has spread as I've acknowledged how my body has slown me down. I now see myself as having an actual disability and am kinder to myself as a result. It still hits hard and I'm trying to navigate the world in new ways but I have some resilience to keep going.
secretSail3092 profile picture
Lung issues/allergies
Disability Support / by secretSail3092
Last post
 December 27th, 2025
...See more Background I've had lung and sinus issues like asthma and allergies for a while. They got worse during the pandemic and after but I was used to it. Things got bad last fall, I got sick with something that wasn't solidly identifiable but hammered me to where I was on a ton of meds for a while. It left me worse off with a new normal that wasn't great. Today -Thursday, I'm still painfully awake yet- I'm doing a whole bunch of cleaning and holiday cooking. I was already tired from a rough nights sleep and an unpleasant shift in the weather. I anticipated some issues but nothing unmanageable. Instead I spent the entire day suffering, nasal issues constantly, multiple times taking an inhaler, taking every medicine that wouldn't knock me out. And in the end I still got a wicked sinus migraine that hit me hard and fast just as we were cleaning up. It literally made me sick to my stomach and put me down hard. Plus some stupid body aches that made getting comfortable hard. I found out there were some extra scent triggers that were present that were way worse than anticipated even with attempts to vent the house and are still lingering at issue triggering levels. It's ridiculous because even venting was a problem because of the cold air also being a trigger. It's worse because it was a collection of things instead of one clear illness or condition that was able to be identified, named, and treated. It's not a clear obvious disability, just stupid body crap rising to the level of disabling. The holiday went off well despite my impairment though tomorrow may suck as I have work in less than 5 hours. Not retail or any black Friday affected service but still early and requiring focus. I feel stupidly disabled and worse because this level of impairment is both unusual and a terrifying new possibility. Thanks for listening to my rant.
secretSail3092 profile picture
Recovery isn't avoidance, it's saying no regardless
Addiction Support / by secretSail3092
Last post
 October 3rd, 2025
...See more I found this video and I don't know if it's AI or a true story. I actually don't care if it's real, it makes a good point regardless. Recovery isn't avoidance, it's looking at the bad and choosing better. It's saying no to your addictions when they're staring you in the face. To me this is the ultimate goal for Recovery, being able to say no right in the thick of it. It isn't easy and it may never be, but still to reach that point where you can. I choose joy and love over tobacco and cutting. https://youtube.com/shorts/o33pb23hzq0?si=Je3ufUdUy4Gb6dgi
Search more from @secretSail3092
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
18 total badges
Hand Shake Bubbly First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Loving Soul Bundled Group Chimer Group Chatter 7 Day Streak Group Friend Forum Friend Meaghan's Heart
Report an issue
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today