50 Shades of Me is Killing Me.

I have to get it out what ever it happens tonight I have to.

What you can do ?

Hate me ?

Kill me ?

Sentence me to Jail?

Tell me that I am a Sadist?

You think I an not human being ? That I do not have a right to live right ?

Its okay I understand you and your society.

#sick of it. Yes I am sick of it.

What do you think I like it.

Yes I do.

I cant change ? or I wont why should I?

You all will be same.

I m fighting myself.

Im fighting me.

Yes you heard it right.

Its always a war between what I want to do what my body does what my mind does and what my conscience or my Christ tells me to do.

It?s a war.

I cant stop my mind from shitting itself. I simply cant.

Im control freak , I love to spank , I love to dominate , I love to self harm I love to see others in pain

All these makes me forget who I am.

Whenever I try to talk it to someone people tell me it?s a phase its nothing don?t talk it in the home .

Why ? You think Im happy no im not im not.

You want to know what Im fighting yes I told you now im fighing myself.

Lets call it 50 shades of Grey in my mind like im fucked up in 50 different ways.

I have lost control of my body why it dosnt listens to me anymore.

Why im writing this even I know no one will even read it.

Its just a post.

If my head is a bomb I don?t know why its still ddnt explode.

I cant.

I have a heart to love but why does it goes behind always behind my mask.

I wear a mask always.

Im a mask man.

On one hand I am a manipulating bastard who cant stop himself. Whos mind is full of sin. Who complains , who blames.

On the other hand he is good he loves truly , who creates , who is really sweet.

But that mask it covers then all .

I don?t know what to do

I seriously don?t.

I cant draw the picture of my head and whats going on within I simply cant.

But those words they are flowing like a river.

I hope they can get them out before I get triggered

Why I cant be normal.

All I ever wanted was someone to love me truly.

Why cant you ?