Rant - Chronic Illness Chats
I want more listeners to think about this when discussing issues with chronic illnesses - not really sure where to put this.
I can look at the good things in my life - that's a way of looking at things positively and realistically. When you tell me though that I will get better if I just think positive I feel like you're putting blame on me for being sick - that I'm this way because I wasn't positive enough.
Thinking postitively isn't go to do all that much in changing my physical condition. I can't run a marathon just by changing my thinking. When I'm physically limited in what I can do a thought shift won't change that - don't suggest it will. Then I just get in a situation where I feel like I have to prove that I'm ill - argue with you. It's not going to make me feel better.
I'm not going to be cured in the short term. Stating this isn't being negative, it's being honest. When you argue with me on this I just end up thinking you're stupid. I know what the research is, I have a pretty good scientific understand of the base level to follow it. The probability is that I'm more likely to die than be cured within the next 5 years. That's not being negative, it's understanding the actual probabilities. Being negative would be me saying I think I'm going to die in the next 5 years, there's no point in trying. Acknowleging the truth is different from that. Recognizing these facts doesn't mean that I'm suicidal.
When I say I can't do something, I'm not being lazy. When I saw little things take effort it's because they do. Telling me I'm lazy is just going to piss me off - the effort I put in now is way higher than when I was getting top grades in courses, super involved in various activities and working. Until you know just how difficult being sick can make it to do the survival basics, don't tell me I'm lazy. If you do know how difficult that can make things don't call me lazy - you know it's not true.
Focusing on what I can do and doing a little bit more every day are not the same thing. My symptoms don't improve every day, neither does my endurance or strength. Sometimes doing less than what I did yesterday takes way more out of me than the tasks I did yesterday.
Changing the amount of medication I use week to week is not ignoring what my doctors tell me to do. A big part of what I'm encouraged to do is take charge and decide what I need with some of them.
Stop telling me to see a doctor. That's giving advice. It's also assuming I'm not seeing multiple doctors regularly - which you most likely didn't even bother to ask. I am not connecting to you for medical advice.. I can't pop in for every little flareup. Some things I'm expected to deal with things until my next appointment. This is pretty typical when it comes to chronic illnesses. Lots of times seeing a doctor just puts me a risk of contracting a contagious illness and the doctor knows less than what I know.
Don't ask me for a list of my medications or my entire health history. Again, I'm not coming to you for medical advice. Some of this stuff really isn't your business and I don't feel like listing off the things that I have a printoff for new medical professionals.
I just read the orginal post, and am grateful for this perspective. Particularly the comments on others championing constant positive thinking. Sure, there is value in looking at the positive and being grateful. But, there are many times when this is not what I am feeling, and I don't think that faking emotions is a healthy way to act or that it leads to self improvement. I am grateful for spaces such as this where I can express whatever emotions I need to, whether they are filled with sunshine and rainbows, or darkness and gloom. I find it bizarre that the narrative society seems to champion is the cheerful overcomer of darkness. But what about someone who provides a listening ear and agress that, 'yeah, that sucks?' These have been some of the truer heroes in my life.
I agree with all of this. I also have to remember that many of the Listeners have no background in counseling, they are just "listening" to us. But some people don't get the part about don't give advise. So I just say thanks for your time, and sign off. I don't want to get frustrated over someone who really is coming from a good place.
Also, it's REALLY hard to get a Listener these days. Everyone is off line or screening. I REALLY needed to chat something out the other night and no one was around. When I finally got a Listener, I told her I needed to talk something out. She kept interrupting me, asking me for details not needed, and really not listening. It's frustrating. It's all part of what makes 7Cups 7Cups.
I want to use mu Listener account and help out with things, but I'm not there yet. When I am, I will lisen 
@AffyAvo
As a listener with chronic illness. I understand your complaint. I directed my profile under the assumption that this happens. As an epileptic from birth I'm just waiting for that aneurism to come. Not to mention the invisibility of epilepsy has its own annoyances, since I have to explain I'm disabled to people. On the up side I am not in near as much pain as some. I'm around to listen if you think I'd help.
