I'm an anorexic bulimic!
So Iv been going to my therapy sessions since February after 5 years of bulimia. I am now classed as anorexic ( binge/Purge subtype).
Since starting therapy they have been pushing inpatient care. Waiting for a bed and referrals i have now lost even more weight.
I go my therapy session last week and ask about inpatient and they say im making positive changes so im not for inpatient.
im so confused am I not thin enough to get inpatient care?
Im not looking forwards to inpatient its terrifying ! But i also know that without someone else taking control of my habbits i wont succeed in recovery i know that.
What am i to do i have to gaj half my body weight to be classed as in healthy range.
I want to be well i hate my body but i hate the weight gain more! The fear of a number has destroyed my life.
I feel like i am such a selfish person for bejng so weak! I listerally hurt myself because i know i need to be punished for it.
What am i to do.
My life at the minute is continuing with a painful heart and a tormented mind.
Your suffering causes me great sadness. If I may suggest, try and look to the true cause of your suffering. All I know is it probably not your hatred for your body.
Please try to treat yourself with patience and loving kindness. There is no one more deserving than you.
You are unique, special and cared for just the way you are this very moment even with what you would call your 'faults'. These are just things that shape you into the wonderful person you will become.
It is through your suffering, which you are so brave to face, that you have the potential to help others; that is an absolutely amazing thing!
I am glad I came across your post and hope to see more posts in the future! The way I am now, I see that your physical traits are not what you are! More than what you look like, I am interested in things like if you are a 'reader' and what you read. Are you an artist and what do you actually do? Are you a write?
I am a reader and writer by 'birth'. I love many kinds of music from Laurie Anderson to Colin Hay to Elvis Costello, to Tom Waits. For the past 5 or 10 years I've been really into Counting Crows.
How about sharing some links to the music or art or books that really define who you are rather than physical features?
I am so very happy I came across your post and look forward to seeing more. I wish you peace. Take good care of yourself!
@JeffWM Couldn't have said it better myself <3
@CagedBird90 - That sounds really frustrating and I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much. When you talked to them about inpatient, did they say that you are not eligible to go or just that they didn't necessarily think it was required? If you feel it's the best option for you, it's worth talking to them again and saying that even if you are on the right path, you still want to explore that option.
If it is that there is limited space and you're not eligible, there are still other ways that you can intensify treatment to get some extra help and guidance through recovery. You can do more intense outpatient therapy, with an increased number of visits per week, sessions with therapists, nutritionists, art therapists, support groups, etc. You can look to see if there are programs through a local center that do outpatient or you can create your own program by scheduling different recovery-oriented things each day.
If you want to talk more about it, feel free to PM me. Take care and stay strong - you can beat this!
