I think I may be developing an eating disorder, but I can’t afford to have an ED.
What I mean by this is that I am a college student athlete and my scholarship depends on my ability to perform. I cannot afford to go to college without my scholarship. Being heavier and having more muscle is advantageous in my sport so I should instead be focused on gaining muscle but I don’t want to be bigger. Stronger, yes, but not bigger. It’s summer break so I am back in my home town and training on my own and it’s not helping.
The athletics department offers counseling but it’s not covered by my insurance and I can’t afford therapy out of pocket. I am having other mental health issues as well but this is a major concern for me. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this because I don’t have many close friends. I feel so lonely and trapped in this constant cycle of wanting to be smaller and wanting to be stronger. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to stop my disordered eating but I also want to be stronger.
@aquaphorluvr
I wonder if there are some free journals and PDfs you could work though with the aid of a charity that supports people with ED?
@aquaphorluvr It sounds like you feel torn between wanting to be stronger and wanting to be smaller and are stressed because your scholarship depends on your athletic performance and you can't afford counseling. These resources may be helpful to you: https://www.7cups.com/eating-disorder-help/ https://www.7cups.com/how-to-deal-with-loneliness/ Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk more about this.
