Want my eating disorder back. (Anorexia
idk why but when i keep trying to connec to a listener on here theyre all blocking me as soon as i say this so have no one to speak to and feel really bed that i have this thought now.
I have diagnosis of anorexia which was diagnosed a while ago but feel like i have developed binge eating disorder. I feel out of control and fat and want to go back to restricting and to starving myself til it hurts and get that feeling. I want to be able to see my bones more clearly and to feel i have achieved something. I feel more depressed than ever and felt like it was a way to cope. I am the low end of healthy weight but feel horrible.
I feel bad for thinking this and f**ked up as i know any eating disorder is isolating and horrible but id rather feel incontrol and i hate binge eating. Just makes me prefer to not even be alive
(Edited by @Emily619 to censor inappropriate language)
@Ella819 no one gives a f**k, attention seeking prick
(Edited by Teen Forum Star @Emily619 to censor inappropriate language)
@Ella819
uh, nevermind i guess...
but you shouldn't put yourself down like that. i am certain that lots of people care, and the listeners who disconnected are jerks.
i hope you feel better soon.
i also have anorexia and have been attempting food lately only to purge and purge and purge afterwards. I feel the way you are feeling. like 'recovery' suck if you can call what im doing recovery. i feel torn between not wanting to die and wantintg to snuggle with my ed. i logically know i cant keep going the way ive been going but i cant seem tp stop without developing a different problem. you are not alone. I know it feels that way. i hope you can find support. i was going to a local group till it lost its therapist and had to stop meeting. i was really grateful that i was able to go there and say how mnuch i think recovery sucks and people still supported me. they did that week after week for a few months till finally i was willing to try food. it was healing to have people not shun me because i wasnt ready yet. I felt like an imposter coming there since all of them were officially in recovery even if they werent doign it perfectly. even when i hated what they said i would find my self thinking about some of their thoghts through out the week and it kept me coming back. maybe there is a group close to you? if not i hope you can find what you need nere. i know anorexia feels comfortable and safe. but it also really really sucks. and its very lonely. but you are not the only one!
@Ella819 I can definately relate to what you're going through. It's tough to deal with. *hugs*
I get that!
I totally get you. I've had both mia and ana and I can honestly say that now I'm at a healthy weight i don't have a purpose. I also don't get the attention i once used to when I was smaller and now I feel worse. I keep wanting to replapse but I feel i lost my touch and now i'm just fat. I want to feel the way I used to with my ED but it scares me to relapse and it also scares me that I want to relapse. If anyone has advice for how to combat this that would be great.
@Ella819
You're not alone in this. I've swung the other way into binge eating disorder - the very disorder that caused my anorexia in the first place. I want it back so badly. I pretend to be happy about recovery but I really really hate it. It makes me very upset to look at myself in the mirror each day.
@Ella819 Hey, I can relate. I want to have an eating disorder ( i know it sound crazy but yeah..) When I see my collarbone more and more I get happy.. not sure what I shuld do..