thoughts (tw)
sometimes i really try to do or lift or hold something and physically can't and i remember that wow, prolonged severe anorexia really did atrophy my muscles, and all i wanna do is tell the kid who started trying to gain back control through starvation all those years ago that no, it is not worth it. none of it is worth it at all. the way it literally rewires your brain is the most ***-up form of psychological torture.
recovery is so *** tough man
i got past the first psychologically and physically hellish stage and somehow didn't die from refeeding, so now i keep slipping between almost-healthier and then back into the scary zone. bc i keep accidentally restricting. i want to get the worms out of my brain. get these *** thoughts and urges and perceptions out
Hii I get recovery is frustrating when you have thoughts and urges. I agree and I am so happy to see you aware that starving yourself is not worth it.
During anorexia recovery you might have relapses, the key is to get back on your goal of being less restrictive as soon as possible. Your efforts are not wasted. Progress may not be smooth and that’s okay. I encourage you to keep trying and I hope it gets better. I would count it as a win that sometimes you get into the almost healthier stage. Take care and never give up. I am so proud of youu
@alien519
I hear you. You want to get back to being healthy. Recovery is indeed very tough. But I can tell that you are tougher, even when you don't feel it.
Every day you give your body the nourishment it needs, is a step forward. Every step forward matters, however small. I try to remember that I can try again as many times as I need. I find this hard to remember when I've just slipped up and I'm feeling rotten about myself. But it is true, we can try again. Because every step forward matters. Together we can try again.
Those muscles are all still there. They don't go, they just become so small you don't know they are there. Building them back up will be slow, hard work. It will be hard to maintain the motivation when there's no evidence of progress being made. Particularly when battling the regrets that you are in this position in the first place. But actually, the road back out, is the same as the road in, it just needs travelling in reverse. So you already know the way. (In plainer words, gaining muscle strength is the reverse process of losing it. If you've done one, in my head you already know the way to do the other).
Thank you for sharing. Its healthy to share your frustration at the challenges. I send my best wishes that you will be successful in your goals.
