Can't stop eating! Not sure what is going on in my mind. Need support!

I don't really know how to control myself when I'm alone. If I'm with people I can, I mean.. I don't wanna be judged for how muchI eat and also I don't really think about food that much. But when I'm alone it really gets bad, I even steal my roommate's food sometimes and buy it the next time I goto the supermarket. I just stare at food and eat everything I find... then I feel really guilty and I hate myself and I wanna throw up because I know it's bad for my health to do that and... for my weight as well. I've always had problems with my weight: I'm not really fat, just chubby, but I hate it. I hate everything. I'm not confident about my body at all. I wanna be skinnier, but I can't control myself... all I think about is food! I also went on a diet last summer and lost about 3kgand I should keep going, but I can eat healthy for like two days and then I crave biscuits,crisps, pizza....

At this point I'm afraid of being alone because I know I can't help binging. I just wannabe normal, and I don't wanna deal with this nightmare antmore.

When I'm alone I will just eat whatever I can & what I don't think will be missed. I'll be sitting there, & my mouth will be busy. I need to lose weight, and this compulsion isn't helping. It's gotten to the point I'll hide what I eat. But then I don't feel hungry for meals & my family gets on me to eat more. But I need a way to keep myself busy without eating. I feel out of control.

Eating feels good. For me, it's not about hunger. As I've learned in support groups I've been to, I don't really know what hunger feels like, since I never go without eating long enough to experience it.

Sometimes, I convince myself that I'm hungry even when I'm full. But, it's just a ruse I resort to justify my behavior to myself. Intellectually, I know the truth, but all my knowledge doesn't translate into improved behavior.

I know that being obese is bad for me, not just physically, but emotionally, too. I've heard all the science about the effect on blood pressure, heart disease, even cancer. I don't sleep well, I cannot exert myself to do or go places because of shortness of breath, not to mention feelings of humiliation at appearing in public looking the way I do. That leads to a sedentary lifestyle that contributes further to weight gain. I'm unemployed and no prospects for employment, but I have assistance to have a place to live and, of course, food to eat.

Sometimes, though, I'll binge on something good, like red pepper or even a salad with a fattening dressing. Occasionally, I'll even bother to cook complex proteins like beans or rice, figuring that having good choices on hand in convenient reach will facilitate my recovery by incorporating my binge eating in my recovery. But, the strategy doesn't last long.

Good things like fresh fruit and vegetables and most healthy cooked foods have a relatively short shelf-life, while there are lots of ready to eat carbohydrates - junk food - that last forever - assuming I buy enough of it to last past the expiration date.

For me, the focus is on short-term, momentary relief that I feel while I'm eating, but not on the long term effects or benefits of healthy eating or increased levels of activity.

I think about changing almost every waking moment, but when it comes to the moment of actual decision, the moment I'm in eating mode, all those thoughts disappear and my only focus is filling myself with whatever comes to mind (or hand) and the lots of it.

I'm in a un-merry-go-round and I can't get off.

I've been struggling with an eating disorder for almost four whole years now. Binge eating turned into anorexia which turned right back into binge eating but with a vengance. I can't remember the last time I haven't binged. I've tried literally everything I can possibly think of. Every diet. Every anti-diet. Intuitive eating. Giving up. Healthy lifestyles. Everything. Yet every night I still binge. I have gained 20lbssince this summer. I don't know what to do. I feel so sad all the time........

Struggled with an ED for five years. Maintained a weight of 90 pounds for three years. Now I'm 140 in just five months. I HATE the cycle. I HATE binge eating. I'm sad always.

I used to be fine. Now I binge everyday. I am a disgusting, fat human being. My lack of self control is disgusting. I just want to be normal again. Please.

I was ednos, in that I had bulimic tendancies but I was 'too fat' for the dr to formally diagnose. When people found out I had to stop purging and for a whike I was okay. I've been getting worse. For instance today I woke uo and had toast.? Then two cookies some crisps and a snack bar. Some more cookies and the rest of the crisps and for lunch a meat pie in a sandwich then some blueberries and another snack bar and more cookies and some more toast. Then before dinner I made a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner a lamb . I want to purge I feel so disgusting but I can't now. HELP ME!!!

I binge eat 3 times a day plus few snacks everyday my whole life. I'm 340 lbs, 155 kgs. I don't think I will live for long time if this continued. I donnow what on earth will help me. I have lost and gain sooooooo many times. But I was never not obese person like never!!! I hate my body and how I look. I avoid mirrors and shopping. I have low self esteem and no confidence at all. I have tried all the diets in the worlds and all the sports. I have nothing in between me and being obese but my mouth. I lack love since childhood and I found it in love! I'm so addicted to food and to the feeling after binging. I feel high and numb. I donnow who can help me in this world. Family friends lovers couldn't help me. I'm my worst enemy. I'm stuck in this circle and stuck in my past. I don't think I will ever be helped :'(