Tired of fighting but can't give up
Hello all. I've been struggling with binge eating and it doesn't seem like I can get a leg up. I was binge free for months and these last few days I've binged.
I know it's stress related but it's like I'm on autopilot! I want to give up and stop trying to recover. Yet, there's still a part of me that wants a normal, balanced relationship with food.
Hello, if you need to chat, please contact me, or other listeners, I'm listening. You are allowed to have little slips, you can always get back on it, you are a survivor. Try to stay in the moment, ride out the bad days, best wishes
Thank you so much! Very encouraging! I needed that!
Please help me(not an emergency)
@StrawberriesKay - because you're a teen, I won't be able to talk to you directly, but you can post here if you need something, or you can reach out to one of our wonderful teen listeners and they can help you out. Take care
What does it have to do if I'm a teen
@StrawberriesKay - the way the site is structured, you can only live chat 1-on-1 with other teens, and I can only chat with other adults. If you have a question that can be answered in the forums, I'm happy to help, but I have no way of actually talking live with you, so for that, you would need to reach out to another listener either in the general queue or by browsing listeners and reaching out to one there.
Thkz for help
I will be speaking to you as a binge eater in continual recovery.
First of all, you will never have a normal relationship with food. That won't happen, and you have to accept that.
And seriously, it is completely okay. We slip, we screw up. The thing about alcoholics is they can swear off alcohol. I used to smoke but once I swore off smoking, all was well. But we can't swear off food. We must consume, and binge eating is an addiciton of sorts. We cannot do a zero tolerance. We must eat. That's why I think that binge eating or any eating disorder is one of the most challenging things to ever deal with because at our best, we deal with it every single day.
The biggest advice I can give you is that the effort NOT to binge eat is made during those times when you are not as hungry. Let's face it, one of the binge eating issues s we're always a little hungry. I can crush a thanksgiving meal of three or four rounds and in a half hour be ready to have another three. That is who I am.
Just, you know, manage it. Limit what you purchase and limit what you prepare as a meal to the best of your ability. Find something else, anything else to do for stress mitigation instead of eat. The one thing I always try to do instead is walk. Walk a mall, or walk outside, walk somewhere. And I try to process the stress out, regardless of what it is, get it out before I eat.
Yet, there come days, sometimes a series of days, when the effort is just too much. What do I do on those days? Honestly? I eat. Yes, I eat. I eat alot. And I am not proud of it, but I have gotten to the point that I am not ashamed of it either. It happens. I just try to take the edge off and it seems to help.
Like, I will eat a bit of my "binge" food while I have my walking clothes on, and then I will take every bit of my effort to put the stuff away, as I feel I can, and then go for my walk. When I get back, I have consumed less food than a binge session AND I got to walk some of it off.
I don't know if this helps. I am in your corner. I am there. It's okay. I want you to know you are okay. Binge eating, even on our worst days, does not make us bad people.
Here to chat with you if you need to. Take care.
PS: I think the one thing that feeds binge eaters is when we say"Oh, I can't have that" sort of thing. Then I resist the item, get to where I think I am all recovered, then one day, on autopilot as you say, I buy a full box of pasta, some sharp cheddar, some cream, and before I know it I have crushed 2000+ calories of cheesy pasta goodness, then I feel like a complete failure.
Nowadays? I allow me to prepare oh, like 5 ounces of pasta with the cheese and cream. See? Is it fattening? Yup! Delish? You know it! But is it 2000 calories and am I eating it out of frustration? No!
So how often do I have mac n cheese? Not that often to be honest. But tell me I can't ever have it, that it's this horrible thing, and I will want a family serving.
Take care!
You mentioned smoking like it was so easy to quit .. I have been smoking since I was 15. I am going to be 30 next month. I started just to be cool .. my friend used to work at a quick mart so she sold them to me - and back then they were only $3 a pack - but now I am really sick of it, but I just cannot stop. I think I am getting bronchitis. My grandma and her sister died from lung cancer .. smoking is a waste of money and a person's health! But .. how did you quit?
@TransAm85, the story is long enough that to answer that here would be to hijack the thread. Please PM me and I would love to discuss.
I completely agree with everything @Pickle68 and @WonderfulIcicle35 said.
Regardless of the symptoms, eating disorders are an incredible challenge simply because there is no saying no option. You must eat, and there is a constant struggle to maintain the balance of eating enough and not too much. I compare it to telling an alcoholic that they must have 2 glasses of wine a day, no more, no less, but every couple weeks, they have to add a margarita and then stop there, and they have to recognize which days those are without being told. It's overwhelming and intense and hard and still, I know it's possible to get through.
There are a couple of things that really help me. The first is forgiveness of myself. If I slip, that's not great, but it's ok. I acknowledge that it happened, try to understand why and how I can avoid those same triggers in the future, and then I forgive myself and move on. Slipping does not negate all the progress and all the days that you didn't binge, nor does it negate the days going forward in which you might. It happens, and then you move on.
The other thing that helps me a lot is a bit counter-intuitive, but I give myself permission. If I have an urge to engage in my eating disorder (whether that means binging, purging, or something else), I tell myself I'm allowed to, but I have to wait 20 minutes first. Knowing that I can helps take some of the pressure and stress away, but often I can use those 20 minutes to distract myself and ultimately the urges lessen and I don't need to engage.
Hope that helps. You are not in this alone, and you absolutely have the strength to get through it. Take care
Hey there @ChasingFreedom,
I am so happy to hear you say that there's a part of you that wants a "normal" relationship with food. From experience, I know that it's very hard to get there BUT I want you to know that it is possible. You might have taken a couple of steps back, but it's okay. It's okay because you can try again. I wish you so much strength.
All my love,
Lee.
Thank you all for your words of wisdom.
I'm learning that I do need to forgive myself. What's crazy is that I would forgive someone and move on. Yet, I'm continuously meditating on the fact that I slipped up.
I believe that eating disorders are hard to get over. I have to be honest I still want a normal relationship with food. I want to be able to cope with my emotions instead of running to my binge foods.
@ChasingFreedom - that self forgiveness can be hard, but so liberating when you do it. I try to talk to myself as though I am a good friend going through the same thing, because I would never be as cruel to someone else as I can be to myself. Hope that helps you!
Yes! I would do everything in my power to help someone else. Yet, when it comes to self, I'm cold and unforgiving. I have to get back up.
I only recently (within the last year) have been diagnosed with binge eating disorder. Prior to my diagnosis I thought night time and middle of the night eating with my mom was normal. I got prescribed medicine that helps control BED. I can now tell if I haven't taken it because the night time cravings get worse. Sometimes I make a cup of cereal and other times it'll be ice cream. Recently it has been pop tarts I have been craving. I don't know if it is just the portability that I like or if it's the actual taste of the pop tart I am craving. Tonight for example I slept from 730-330 ish and when I woke up the thought of the pop tart would not leave my head. It was like I was on edge. I couldn't go back to sleep without eating that pop tart. I sneakily have to walk past the bear that is my dad in his den to make it to my room. I quickly unwrap the pastry hide it under my blanket and eat it as fast as I can trying to avoid getting caught. I am upset with myself for this relapse bc it wasn't even satisfying. I can't get past it sometimes.
@beantheredonethat2 - getting past that kind of craving can be really difficult, and I can relate to going through that and ultimately not even finding it satisfying. It sounds like you have medication that's helping - that's great! Is the issue that when you miss the medication it's a problem and you need a more reliable way to ensure you don't miss your medication, or are you still having these cravings when on the medication?
If you are, one thing that helps me is to allow myself what I'm craving, but not a lot of it. If you just can't stop thinking about the pop-tart, would eating just a bite or two satisfy the craving and let you move on from it? Or is that not enough?
You can get through this. You are strong and capable and have made enormous progress already. Take care
It's been really helpful reading these posts as I feel like I am in the same situation. I quit smoking 15 years ago and while it was hard, abstaining completely is what has made it possible - but I can't just not eat! There are times when I've felt desperate, and there are times when I've felt hopeless and then there are times when I feel both of those things.
At the moment I feel a bit resigned as it seems every time I try to make a positive change with my eating it just gets more out of control as I'm faced with a different emotional situation that I feel like I don't have the capacity to deal with.
And above everything else I weigh so much, it is impacting my life and I need to weigh less to be healthy and vital and have energy to live. Bingeing puts on weight for me but stopping bingeing is not enough to make me loose weight, I have to diet as well however that seems like far too hard a battle to face.
@decisiveapple8382 - I'm so glad to hear that these posts have been helpful to you. Thanks for sharing! I agree - one of the most challenging parts about an eating disorder is that unlike another addiction, there's no abstinence option. You always have to eat and finding the right balance (while also acknowledging that there are times extra treats are appropriate and times they aren't necessarily) can be a seemingly impossible task. But you're a fighter and so strong - you can do this!
I tried of fighting a bully like not physical but by moving away and I'm trying to fight anxiety and depression I'm fighting for stressful times and negativity and disability and fighting loneliness and I am kind to others but I gave up what happened in the past so I took a stand for it and went to talk to a trustful adult about the bully got him in trouble too
- for an info i want the people who's reading this that you have the power to achieve something everyday don't let something easy to fix ruin your day and other thing fight for what you want to give up that you never did also, do the impossible .
