I need to get better.

@optimisticFarm8029 - You've made two big steps already by deciding that you need help and by reaching out here. I know neither of those are easy things to do, but they show a level of commitment that it sounds like you were struggling to have before. Now it's about continuing that momentum and taking the next step. Rather than waiting until tomorrow, what is one thing you can do today to move forward on the path to recovery?

If you think it would be helpful to chat, you are more than welcome to PM me anytime. You are strong and capable, and I believe in your ability to beat this and would love to support you while you do.

[Trigger warning added by Anomalia for graphic eating disorder description]

@optimisticFarm8029

Hello beautiful!

My name is Tamara [edited by Anomalia to remove full name] and i am new to 7cups and have purely made the acocunt just to help people in need. I am so glad i found this post because maybe possibily i will be able to make a change (a positive one) to your life. I suffered from servere depression. chronic eating disorder and anxiety. Now, I am apart of a worldwide organisation who support young women and men in achieveing a healthy, happy, free-spiritied, motivating life. We have helped millions of womena and men across the world who have never felt so much better in their lifetime and who are now doing wonders and actualy living life. I am apart of the [edited to remove potentially harmful product placement] team and i would just like to share with you my story and how i became apart of the buisness. WHen i was in highschool (grade 10 - grade 12) I moved to a new school and i was just a regular girl trying to fit in with the pretty, popular girls. One of the popular girls knew me from mutual friends and she didnt like my "face" so she began spreading rumors about me throughout the whole school and within 2 weeks of being there i was being called all sorts of names and literally had noone. No one wanted to be my friend because the popular girls didnt like me and so i began eating lunch in the toilet cubicles. I was studying hard subjects so i had alot of extra work i needed to do during lunch times and i would even do my work in the toilet cubicles. One day i heard a group of girls come in and they were saying the most horrible things about me "fat" "usless" "so gay" "fu***** ugly cu**" "fat slob" and i heard one girl say "if she died no one would even notice". It was from this point where my happiness and confidence dropped. It was from that point where i started developing a eating disorder. It was from that point my life started to spiral down the drain. I wanted to prove to those girls that i COULD loose weight FAST and that i was worthy and pretty. So on lunch times i would buy a bunch of things from the tuckshop and bring it to the toilet with me and eat it and throw it back all up again, because i thought "i can still taste the good food and not gain weight". It started becoming so bad that when i would eat somethign even so small, my body would automatially want to throw it back up. I would hide the food my mum made me and pretend i actually ate it. For a while they didnt notice a thing and thought i was just trying to loose weight the healthy way. But when my body weight dropped severly they began questioning me, and actually started to take more notice in what i would eat / the amount i would eat. Eventually they found out but at this point i had already lost [edited to remove weight specifics] and iw as OBSESSED with loosing weight and NOTHING else in the world mattered. My mind was so fixed on weight and wanting to loose weight. i wouldnt eat anything throughout the whole day so when i would get back home i could eat a little bit whilst throwing the majority of it out and not worry about calories. My parents and brother tried everything and my relationship with them was being damaged by the fact that i didnt care about anyone but myself and my weight. But really, it was because i was hurt and bullied and i was channeling all my emotions to my weight and food. My mum took me into the hospital and i was diagnosed with chronic depression and was severly underweight. My ribs were protuding from my body and my whole body would go so cold and blue because it wasnt recieving the essential nutrients it needed. with my depression i wanted to die and had ongoing thoughts of suicide and was always trying to come up with ways on doing it without having to go through alot of pain. So one night i remember i grabbed one of my mums prescription tablets and i downed about 9 or 10. I was feeling rediculously drowsy and i passed out. I woke up in the hospitals with heaps of tubes connected to my body and i saw my mums face of just pure devastation, guilt and hurt. The doctor also told me that say my body could possibly shut down in a week if i didnt start gaining any weight. This was the turning point for me and when i looked at my mum i told myself "this amazing women brought YOU to this world, You have to be thankful that you are alive today with a healthy family who are loving and always supportive of you, your mum wants to see you succeed through life and make awesome memories with you, do this for her Tamara and CHANGE." So i did little by little. It took about 1 and half years for me to full recovery but god dammit it felt good. So from expeirenecing all of this i wanted to somehow be able to help young women and men who are going through struggles (not just eating disorders) get over the obstacle and help them be in a world that is motivating, powerful, free-spiritied and filled with positive energy. [edited] Hunny i dont want to go on and on on this post but please PLEASE do contact me if you want to talk more becuase i am honestly YOUR help and i am here FOR YOU. Its not easy being in this world when you have a problem like this and dont know where to reach out. You can feel so alone and isolated i get it, i really do. This is why im taking my time to really try and send the message across to you that darling, i am HERE so PLEASE consider this message and know that i am here 110%. Please contact [edited for personal contact sharing] me, and reply to this post.

The warmest and kindest of regards

Tamara