Fat Redistribution
If you are recovering from an eating disorder and need to gain weight as part of your recovery process, it can be incredibly hard to see your body gaining weight. We have thoughts about our bodies being too large, about looking bigger than before. But something very rarely talked about is fat redistribution.
Studies talking about fat redistribution tend to focus on recovery from anorexia nervosa, but it can happen in recovery from any eating disorder where weight gain is necessary!
When our bodies aren't at our personal healthy weight, they put all effort into protecting essential organs. Therefore, when we begin gaining weight in recovery, our bodies tend to put this weight on our abdomen (stomach) to protect our organs. And this can be terrifying in recovery because our eating disorders will say that our stomachs will always carry more weight than they did before our eating disorder.
But this isn't true! Our bodies naturally have a certain body composition, and when your body is at the weight it wants to be, your fat/weight will redistribute.
In my personal experience, I remember in recovery a certain skirt didn't fit. And now that my weight has redistributed itself because of the continued maintenance of my healthy weight, it fits again. This is because our weight can redistribute quite drastically, or minimally, depending on our bodies!
Source: https://eatingdisordersreview.com/anorexia-nervosa-and-fat-distribution-after-weight-recovery/
Feel free to answer any or all of the following questions!
💥 Do/did you need to gain weight in recovery? How does your eating disorder feel about that?
💥 Does/did weight gain feel like it is going to places where you didn't have weight before?
💥 Does fat redistribution give you hope, or does the idea make recovery harder?
💥 Feel free to share anything else! We'd love to hear from you
Do/did you need to gain weight in recovery? How does your eating disorder feel about that?
Yes. My eating disorder was and is terrified. Recently had to weigh myself for my doctor, and that was the worst thing to do but maybe also the best. It has exposed areas of my eating disorder that still need to be tackled, like fear foods I still have, negative self-talk and illogical anxiety (e.i. hating how I look while advocating for body neutrality in others, refusing to eat foods my abuser eats even if I once liked them). Another big flag for me is avoiding foods due to depression / anxiety. I'm trying to call that out as my ED's tactic to stay alive in some way. It's not a completely genuine concern for my health. It's ok to notice patterns and adjust, but avoiding = I'm still sick. Anxiety about weight = I'm still sick. So, as hard as it's been and as much as I want to let myself relapse hard today, I want to keep fighting.
Does/did weight gain feel like it is going to places where you didn't have weight before?
Yes
Does fat redistribution give you hope, or does the idea make recovery harder?
Both. Gives me hope because I know it won't all sit on certain parts forever and personally the gain hasn't been as rapid as I thought. Makes recovery harder because my emotional brain struggles with what others think of me even if I claim to not care over and over. I also don't have to look in the mirror to realize I've gained weight. Physical symptoms are extremely difficult. I'm recovering alone (no professional treatment specifically for the ED) so I made it harder than needed, but I chose this against medical advice. Only I can change how I respond to this gain.
Feel free to share anything else! We'd love to hear from you
This is hard. It's fighting with your own brain, fighting beliefs you've held & that society still perpetuates, dealing with insults that may not even be directed at you. In my case, it's also hard to cope with & hold compassion for my controlling parents who lashed out at me during my disorder from guilt they felt for their binge eating. It's hard being in the place where I became sick. It's hard fighting myself. Yet I've got support here and I think recovery is worth it. Someone once said to me "I want you to 'fail' anorexia" - and she didn't mean it rudely. She genuinely cared, and I hold onto that.
I hope all of you have kind words to hold onto if you are thinking of relapse, have relapsed, or are afraid to recover. It's hard, it hurts, it's time consuming, you'll cry. You might feel reluctant, terrified, guilty, angry, exhausted, relieved, then all over again. You may not believe the positive things you say to yourself at first, or ever. In all of that, please remember the mind is powerful. You are not your disorder. People truly do want you to heal - even if you can't see us, we exist. Your worth isn't based on weight or what foods you eat or how "perfect" you are with your eating. If you are someone that helps others recover but are still in your disorder, please apply the words you say to others for yourself. You are just as worthy of recovery.
@Lexloveslife
Weight can be terrifying in ED recovery, but understanding our weight can also help take the power away from it. I'm so glad that you are understanding areas that your ED is still holding onto, it'll help you gain continual freedom from the ED!
I love what you said about only you being able to change how you react to weight gain, it's so true! You are in control of how you respond, and you are strong enough to get through it! Fat redistribution can be scary in the short-term because we may dislike our bodies more than normal, but long-term it's a reminder that our bodies aren't gaining "excess" weight, they're just getting to their healthiest point!
Failing at being the sickest is one of the strongest things you can do. Continuing to get better even through the ED voices are one of the strongest things you can do. And we are strong enough to do it.
Thank you for responding, and thank you for your kind words 
@24Help1
Does/did weight gain feel like it is going to places where you didn't have weight before?
yes. Before recovery I had no fat and once I started gaining weight back it was scary.
💥 Does fat redistribution give you hope, or does the idea make recovery harder?
hope and is its harder. Because I know now that I do need fat so I can have children, but its harder because deep down I dont want any fat on my body because thats what used to define me.
💥 Feel free to share anything else! We'd love to hear from you
@blueDrum2572
The idea of fat in general can be scary for our eating disorders! But you're so right that fat can make us healthier Gaining weight can be scary too, and eating can be something our EDs don't like to do! It takes work to break down those thoughts that our ED has instilled with us, but we can get through it, you're amazing for choosing recovery. I just want to give a gentle reminder that we don't share any numbers in the ED forums, feel free to check here to see our guidelines 😊 Thank you for sharing with us today!
@24Help1
i had to gain over [edited by 24Help1 for weight] pounds to get to a healthier weight. It was super scary, but it didnt happen over night. I had to eat three meals and four [edited by 24Help1 for calorie amounts] calorie snacks every day. It took over a year and a half to gain it back. But Im really glad I did because Im so so much happier now. Before I was [edited by 24Help1 for weight] pounds and hated myself but now Im [edited by 24Help1 for weight] and I love myself.
i have actually really been struggling with this recently and panicking that my stomach has suddenly got too big and frustrated that i don’t have weight anywhere else so thank you for putting my mind at rest
