Freaking out over weight gain from [edited] calories! *TW?*
So , I have been staying faithfully on my recovery meal plan for about 3 months...except the last 4 days....in which I have been fasting and eating one small meal.
But - I jumped on the scale this morning and GAINED [edited] freaking pounds from eating [edited] calories ( clean food - not junk food).
Did I gain because I am back to fasting and mybody is hanging onto the calories?
Or maybe just weight fluctuations?
But - [edited] POUNDS!
I am FREAKING OUT!
If anyone has any advice or imput, I could really use it.
and on the recovery side - I AM going to go back to my recovery meal plan on Thursday...bc I HAVE to in order to get back into sanity and recovery - but also - because I have to in order to stay in my IOP program and not be put back into a higher level of care.
I just don't understand how I can GAIN [edited] pounds :(
I am devistated.
[edited by Anomalia to remove weight and calorie specifics]
food weight and water retention my friend, bodies do what they want most of the time and we dont really have a clue why haha
i hope you truly do want to recover, im sure you know that life can be so much better without an ed. take care and use what you can from your iop, work that treatment!
@merexdith
Hehehehe - I should have taken that down but don't know how.
That was my high point of freaking out and letting that ED back into my llife.
I DO want to revover. I just had some a moment where the ED voice was so much stronger than my voice of wanting to recover.
UPDATE:
I stopped undereating yesterday and went right back to my recovery meal plan.
Still can Not, not weigh myself in the morning - but I did already, yesterday, make a firm commitment to no matter what I weighed this morning - I would continue staying on the meal plan .
Thank you for that lil wake up call and telling me straight ( " I hope you still want recovery")
I actually needed that! HUGS.
@blissedNblessed
I'll share my experience. This will probably be a scary thing for you and you do not have to do this at all I just wanted to share it <3 my mom threw away the scale a long time ago. It's like ripping the band-aid off. I cried, had freak outs, lied and bought more scales but she would throw them out too. I also found places to weigh myself at the mall bathroom. But when you say your behaviors people hold you accountable in real life. I don't know if that helped but you're not alone in this struggle <3 sometimes reward jars help like giving yourself marbles for fighting a urge to weigh yourself. Then treat yourself to something fun will you fill the jar. It's okie to have urges and we can always beat them but it's how you grow from it and do a little better each time <3
@summertimeSamness
I like that you called it as thought it were ripping a bandaid off - that is so right on...and so what I need to do.
I do not have anyone to keep me accountable - plus - i have two scales, one of which is one of those really big dr scales - ugh, can't even pick that up.
I an not ready to throw out the scale - but - i have a plan!
Put a piece of electrical tape On the scale to cover up the numbers!
That way I can still give into weighing, but won't know the number - so, gradually my intense desire/urge to weigh will deminish bc I do not get to see the number, so the habit/ritual of weighing myself is pretty much for nothing.
I am hoping this will work!
Wish me luck with this!
hahahha - what I need is a scale that does not say numbers , but rather"
- you are beautiful
- you shine from the inside out
- why are you on here? a number doesn't define your worth
- you are more poiwerful than you think
ect......
heheheheheh!
Validation scale:D
@blissedNblessed
That sounds like a good plan and yup that would be a awesome scale <3
@summertimeSamness
I have the tape already.
I am TERRIFIED to do this.
Not bc I could not just rip it off and find out - but bc when I put it on, I am making a commitment to reducing my weigh ins and their importance.
I am commiting to NOT removing the tape.
And, I am doing this : TODAY!
Part of recovering is having to gain a few. It
@determinedstar91
true, true.
I am Trying so freaking hard to not worry and not obsess - i am just having a lot of trouble with recovery right now :(
Need a higher level of care - not makig it at all at this level :(
And I hate myself for it.