How to fix "eating disorder" myself? If I even have one?
hello (: I feel kind of lost and stuck. I'm not even sure how I feel. It's like, I do want to recover, but then again, what am I even recovering from?? I don't believe I have an eating disorder but I want to fix my disordered eating habits because I cannot stand this cycle anymore. I think my food issues have stemmed from a formerly obese childhood. I tend to binge, purge, and restrict a lot, but I don't necessarily believe I have an eating disorder. Mainly because I have never been diagnosed with one and I have never really been assessed for one. I would really like to continue losing the weight though. But also I want to stop. I'm 16 years old, about 5'6 and fluctuate around [edited by Anomalia to remove weight speifics]. but I really want to get down to [edited] lbs. I cannot stand the feeling of guilt that settles in once I realize there is food sitting in my stomach and I haven't purged it out. But I really want to fix this. Myself. None of my family or friends know about this and I really do not intend on telling them. Or, would it even be better to tell them? I feel like it would make things unnecessarily worse. I want to recover myself but I also don't think I have a clear mindset and clear perspective of where I am. I want to "recover" but I want to continue to lose the weight. I have never reached out for help and have never really known how. Thank you for reading, really. I've hit a low point and I can usually handle this but I'm about to break. Please help. Much love! <3
@sinflowr hi, it sounds like you might have an eating disorder, I'm 16 as well and I can tell you from experience, trying to recover yourself won't work. I tried that and for months i was stuck in the cycle of trying to eat normaly, feeling guilty about it and then starving myself.
I think you should tell you're parents as scary as that sounds, it will just make things so much easier for recovery. You can come up with a recovery plan together that will stop that voice in your head telling you you want to loose weight (you dont, you are a good weight for your hight) and if that voice gets the better of you you will have people who can stop you from self disrupting.
I hope you get better xx
I'm so sorry girl/boy, but it sounds like you have an ED. I'm very sorry, again, but that's not something you can fix yourself. You have to get help, but at the same time you don't have to tell your family. Actually I would say: don't tell your family. My mom just starts yelling at me, if I don't eat or if I had purged...
@sinflowr - Whether it's an eating disorder or disordered eating that isn't all the way to a disorder isn't actually the important part - what's important is that this is really impacting you and your health and that makes it a problem worth addressing. I also am hearing from you that you don't want to feel this way, but you do want to keep losing weight - ultimately, I think those sound like they are at odds with each other and you need to think about what is important to you. In my experience, when you weigh it all against each other (pardon the pun!), there's a lot more good that can come from recovering and the life you get back when you learn to eat normally and appreciate your body as it is than there is from being sick.
I'm glad that you're reaching out here - I think that's a really important first step and I know that you can recover from this if you decide to, and this community is here to help. You are welcome to message me if you want to talk more - my PMs are always open. Take care and be safe.
