Possible ED concerns:
My sense of time isn’t the most accurate, but my best guess time wise would be that I started to become really conscious about my eating habits/body around the beginning of this year? I already was before, but it became more notable around then. Our scale is broken I think for now which is good, though I am aware that for my age and height range I’m considered underweight.Tw for food habits ahead// I eat 2 meals a day usually, though one is becoming more common usually around 7pm or so. I think in part it started from my moms constant comments about my appearance, eating habits, ect, and was made worse after I got diagnosed with a disease that heavily affects how my body processes nutrition and found out my stomach lining was torn as well, so I’ve been put on a diet for 6 months to see if it helps the healing process for now. I absolutely adore cooking and consider eating to be a valuable social experience. I was able to fight it for a long time by cooking for both me and my brother, but my mother hasn’t stopped with her comments which has added difficulties. An event was yesterday and there was a lot of food, and I kind of spiraled a lot and forced myself to look at triggering images in hopes of being able to hate myself enough to starve/starve more. That’s a bit long winded and could probably be shortened a bit, but that’s about everything of note, I think.
@HarpyeagleAnon I am sorry to hear about the struggles you have been having lately with your food and yourself. It sounds like a complicated situation. I can understand that frustration, especially when you do love food. I am sorry to hear about the comments that your mother is making. I imagine that does not make your struggles any easier. It sounds like you have been struggling very much lately and the thought of eating makes you uncomfortable to the point of trying to trigger yourself. It is very good that your scale is broken because this way you cannot fixate on a number. I can't imagine that your stomach lining tearing has made this any easier. It sounds like an overall frustrating time for you.
While I know your mother is not a supportive person in your life right now, have you ever talked to her about what she says to you and how it makes you feel?
Hi!! Thank you so much for the response, I appreciate it a lot.
I think I have if memory serves and it didn’t exactly go well (she tends to think it’s for my own health or that I’m too sensitive), but I am open to trying again for the sake of progress. I think I’m mostly just scared it would make things worse to try again with boundaries as that’s what tends to happen most with her, but it wouldn’t be fair to refuse to try out of fear. Ramblings aside, thank you again for the help- it made tonight a lot easier.
You are welcome. Oh god I can relate to what you just said ! It is so frustrating when parents think saying these negative things actually help. I hope talking to her again and enforcing boundaries can help. You might not be able to change her behavior and you’ll have to be okay with that somehow. How do you feel about walking away when she gets like that?
honestly, kind of anxious, I worry I’ll make things worse with her if I try, and really want to have a good relationship with her. Sometimes I can come to terms with it and accept that I can’t change some things and that’s okay, so I probably just need to focus on working on that for now at least
I can get that completely. If you don’t think talking to her will even change anything, maybe just try to focus on building a resilience when it comes to what she is saying to you. Try to remind yourself that you’re beautiful still and that your body needs nutrients. What have you been doing to strengthen your relationship with her to be closer?
Thank you!! I try to help out around the house in ways that aren’t necessary but that she likes, I try to make her meals that she likes too and go out with her or spend extra time with her to try and bond more :) I can probably do something extra for Christmas soon too?
@HarpyeagleAnon
it sounds like you make real effort to try to get close with your mother. Something special for Christmas sounds like a cool idea. What were you thinking?
@HarpyeagleAnon Tell her to shut up, and look at herself instead of you. I did that with my mom, which shooked her into shutting up for a while, until I moved into my own apartment :)
