Scared
Hey, so for as long as I can remember I have loved food and always been the pudgy kid with the slim friends. I've gone on countless diets, all amounting to nothing. I generally eat very well but have always been heavy or gained weight. Recently I started an even healthier diet, which seems to have gone wrong and crashed. I'm not at the point where I don't eat lunch, breakfast is either nothing or a small smoothie, and dinner is as small as I can make it. My friend gave me half an oat bar yesterday because she said I needed to eat so I could get over my cold, but even this small bar made me feel so bad. My body is starting to look awful, I've always been pear shaped but now I can see my ribs but my lower stomach has gotten huge and it's always been flat, and I'm sure my thighs are bigger. I know I should eat but I don't want to gain weight. And I know for the type of body I want I need to gain weight to get muscle, and then cut to get rid of fat. I'm just so scared. The thought of eating isn't pleasant and when I do eat I just want to cry. I know this is dumb but I just want something to be pretty about me, and I can't do that if I'm too heavy.
@woolfiee Hey there!
What you've told us is definitely not dumb and you've already made a really brave step by telling us how you feel -- I want to congratulate you because of that. I completely understand this is scary, because you don't like the way you look and it's not pleasant to eat, but it's not pleasant to not eat either. I definitely know what it feels to be rounded of slim people when your body is more on the "chubby side" (although I don't like this word).
I want you to know that you aren't alone on this, and anything you need how, how this progresses, we'll be here for you. You are beautiful just the way you are. Love, xx.
@woolfiee I know exactly how you feel..... if you are scared of food I'm worried you're developing anorexia which is really serious and I think you need clinical help. No one can recover from a mental illness on their own. Please get help and remember that your mind is being plagued by an illness and your thoughts aren't real or true, you are beautiful no matter how your body looks and these thoughts are simply the illness making you believe them.
Stay strong,
Kat xx
