Comparison
Hello!
I have struggled with an eating disorder off and on for a couple years now, each time fighting the battle by myself and it is only now I want to seek help with it. My current partner has always been understanding and just never entered the realm of exercise, diet, and calories. Every time my feelings flare up I keep them too myself but these past couple of months have been really bad like almost back at square one bad and recently they have decided to start running for the purpose of 1. Getting better at running and 2. Looking better for photos coming up and this has really sent me in a spiral of being competitive! For some reason I feel inferior like I need run and burn more calories then them even though I hate running! I’ve never been athletic my mile time is like 12 minutes!! Has this feeling happened to anybody? I feel like I need to catch up with her or I am lazy for not doing the same. Or maybe it’s the fear they’ll end up looking better then me? I don’t know but I need help 😓
@pineapplesandwhich
Dear Beloved,
It is common for people who struggle with eating disorders or body image concerns to compare themselves to others, especially when someone close to them begins exercising or focusing on their appearance. The competitive feelings you are experiencing do not make you lazy or a bad person. They may simply be a sign that your eating disorder thoughts have been triggered.
Your partner's goals and choices are separate from your worth. Their decision to run does not mean that you also have to do the same. Avoid comparing your body, fitness level, calorie expenditure, or appearance to someone else's. Recovery often involves learning to focus on yourself, your health, and your well-being rather than on competition.
Exercise should ideally be something you choose because it feels enjoyable, healthy, or meaningful to you, not because of pressure to compete with others. If running is not something you enjoy, that does not mean there is anything wrong with you.
You mentioned that things have become worse recently. Please consider seeking support from an eating disorder specialist. You do not have to struggle with these thoughts alone. Talking openly about your thoughts and feelings with your partner may also help them understand what you are going through. They may not realize that their new running routine has become a trigger for you. You deserve support.
You are not lazy. Your value as a person is not determined by your exercise habits, your appearance, or your ability to match someone else's achievements. Focus on recovery-oriented goals such as nourishing your body and caring for your mental health.
Healing is possible.
