I let others negatively influence my eating habits
Hey y’all, this is my first post here. In a few days I’ll be moving out of state to start college. This is somewhat worrying to me as I’ll be far away from my friends—my support group. These past few months I’ve gained some weight, but I’ve also felt the most comfortable in my body I’ve ever been during this time. I saw my body as “normal” and “healthy” and I felt good about that.
However, just a few weeks ago my mom sat me down and told me she’s noticed that I’ve gained weight and encouraged me to get a gym membership and to cut down on late-night snacks. She also offered to make me a detoxing juice. As tough as it was to have that conversation, this is her way of supporting me. About a year ago I told my parents about the struggles I had been dealing with regarding weight and the appearance of my body since my childhood. I’m most uncomfortable with my body when I’m around them and still “cover-up” when I talk to them (wearing baggy clothes, wrapping myself in a blanket, hugging a pillow, etc.). This conversation was the first time my mom had brought up the subject since then so it felt somewhat triggering, but I knew that this was her trying to make an effort to help so I swallowed my tongue.
I didn’t expect to fall back into old habits so easily.
These past few weeks I haven’t seen my parents much. I recently stopped working so I can pack, so I’m home during the day while they’re at work and I usually leave the house in the evening to spend time with my friends before I move. Dinner used to be the one time of the day that I would see my parents’ faces so now I hardly see them at all. This also meant that Dinner was a meal I couldn’t skip as my parents would notice if I’m not eating along with them.
To be frank, I started skipping a lot of meals. I began timing myself to see how long I could “fast”. Whenever I would break these long “fasts” I would also feel really guilty about doing so. An hour ago my mom applauded me. She said that I “blew up like a balloon but then shrunk back down in such a short period of time” and encouraged me to keep up whatever I’ve been doing. This struck me a little hard, but I know she wasn’t trying to offend me by comparing me to a balloon (she’s from another country and saying things like that are a lot more common and socially acceptable than in the US).
I’m not sure what went wrong. I went from feeling the most accepting of my body I’ve ever felt to skipping meals left and right in matter of weeks. I’m fearful that I care what others think of my body (particularly my parents) more than I thought I’d learned not to, and that I won’t be able to return to and sustain healthy eating habits without the support of my friends. It’s hard to not tell myself that skipping meals will be justifiable as a broke college student because it’ll save me money.
Thank y’all for listening, it feels good to share. I apologize for the long read.
I hope y’all have a good week. Sending positive vibes :)
@monkeymatt
Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's tough when we feel like we're regressing after making progress with body acceptance. It's natural to care about what others think, especially our parents, but remember that your worth isn't defined by their opinions.
It sounds like having the support of your friends has been really helpful for you, and it makes perfect sense to worry about maintaining healthy habits without them around. Skipping meals might seem like a way to save money, but it's not a sustainable or healthy approach. Is there anyone else at college you feel comfortable reaching out to for support? Maybe there are counseling services or student groups that can provide guidance and understanding.
@monkeymatt I feel ya. I was once at a doctors appointment in the psychiatric system. He asked if he could comment on my weight (I was NOT overweight at that time), and I told him no. He then said he would do it anyways. Telling me that I was too fat and of all the dangers of being overweight. Sent me directly back to relapse city :S
My mom often do that too, as she seem to not be able to help herself, when we eat. She always comment on me eating too much or eating too little. I cannot find the normal there, bc she never tells me, if it's good enough :/
So what I want to tell you is. Stay away from toxic parents. You are going to college, and that's your getaway! :D
@monkeymatt
Please don't apologize for sharing where you are and how long your post is. Sometimes we just need to share, and it's clear you needed to share. This is a judgment free zone to be able to get support.
I imagine it must have hurt to share with you mom how much of a struggle with your body image and your weight, and for her to not remember that this summer or at least to disregard it and respond to you about your weight this summer.
I want to encourage you to think about what is important that people tell you. What is the balance that helps you to be healthy and comfortable with your body? I think it can be very natural to want to please our parents, but at a time where you are going away to school, you are also embarking upon a time of independence and learning what you want for your life.
If you could choose what you want for you to feel good about your body, would it be also a healthy place for you eating wise and support wise?
Something to consider is that some colleges have confidential counseling centers and support groups for students who are struggling with body image and eating disorders or disordered eating. It might be something to explore particularly if you are finding stress with the move and being away from your support system.
I'm really glad you posted so that you know you can post here if you are struggling or if you are doing well, either one. Letting us know how the move goes, how you are adjusting and how that is impacting you and your eating can allow you this safe space to do so while you build up your support system at school.
Know you are not alone and we are here to encourage you and listen. Take good care of you and keep posting as you want to.
@monkeymatt
How are you doing this weekend?