It’s getting bad again
Just to get this out of the way, I am overweight and I’ve always been at least a bit overweight.
But since I was around 17 (I’m 22 now) I’ve struggled with my relationship with food. A lot of it stems from my mother’s poor relationship with food and her weight and how she is constantly weighing and measuring her food and going through phases of cutting out things like sugar (even natural ones in certain fruits), starches, or dairy and then going right back to eating them a week or a month later. Because of her habits I too have started going through phases of obsessing over weighing my food, only I hide it and additionally will calculate every calorie in it and shrink my portions if I think there are too many calories regardless of if it was something healthy.
Basically I’m once again going through one of those phases and I don’t know how to logic my way out. If I eat <edit> or more calories a day I feel guilty even though I know at my height and weight my body needs that many to run. I wanted to contact a help line, but I was afraid they would say I don’t need help because I’m “fat and could stand to lose the calories.” Literally by the time I had eaten lunch today I had only eaten <edit> calories max. I know a calorie deficit benefits some people and I wish I could lose weight, but I always end up in this toxic pit of restricting until I’m where I am now, going to bed with stomach pains because of how hungry I am. I hate that I can’t break this habit of disordered eating. I hate that I always go back to restricting. I hate that I hate my body so much that I would deprive it of the fuel it needs just in the hopes of “looking better.”
@Fynn016
Hello, dealing with an eating disorder is very challenging, but it is very crucial to seek professional help or at least someone to confide in. Please keep in mind that health is number 1. Do not risk your health for the toxic standards that this society has. In the end, it will be toxic for both your mental and physical state. Just know that you are not alone and don't be hard on yourself. I hope this helped in any way and please find a professional or a friend who support you. Wish you the best.
Weight control can be challenging, balance diet and moving can be helpful, seeking professional help to guide you through the first steps can also be helpful. Good luck
@Fynn016
Disordered eating is a challenge and I'm glad you are posting. It is challenging to find moderation on both sides, but it is possible. I do believe seeking counsel on what is under the disordered eating is very beneficial as seeking professional help has already been suggested.
In addition, knowing that restricting can lead to binges. Also, restricting can lead to the body thinking it is starving and then storing what it does get as fat rather than using it for energy which defeats the purpose of losing weight. The difficulty with long term starvation and not getting enough nutrition is the body will begin to feed off of your muscles and your heart is a muscle. Damaging your heart and other vital organs which are muscle can compromise your health and even your life.
So moderation and healthy eating are important, even if your goal is weight loss. If you want to recover from disordered eating, seeking nutritional guidance from a registered dietitian who has significant experience with eating disorders is really important to help you determine what is healthy for you as well. Everyone's plan is different and individualized.