May be a triggering question, so take care

@willingSugar9815 My eating disorder started at 12-13. A girl in my class pointed out that I had gained weight (which I today can see I hadn't), and that's when I decided to eat less. Before that age I had always been praised for my skinny body, and I took great pride in being underweight. Which is messed up in its own way.

But I didn't realize I actually had an eating disorder before years later. I might have been around 17 or 18. Maybe even older. Probably 19 now that I think about it. That was at that age I was hospitalized the first time too. Before that not eating, skipping meals and so on felt normal. That's how it had been throughout all my teen years.

But at 19 I stopped eating completely, and that scared especially my mother. She got me hospitalized and after three or four months I was back home. Throughout the hospitalization I was having small sips of nutridrinks and that's about it. That was all I got. And the staff just let me be. A week before I was home again, I was told that I could either eat or get the drop, and I began eating a little slowly.

A week after I was out, as I was eating and that was good enough for them, apparently... Never recieved any therapy for my eating disorder. And as I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia I can't get help in my country. Ppl with PS are not "fit for" nor qualified for treatment for Eating Disorders.

@willingSugar9815

I still don't admit it to myself even years after struggling with eating on and off. I can say on here that I restrict and really struggle with that, but I can't label it as an eating disorder. I don't know why. I guess I've had doctors brush it off before, so feel as though my struggles aren't valid.

I knew I was giving myself an eating disorder at 17, but ignorantly, I thought I could stop once I hit my goal weight. I became bulimic, which is super addicting. I know longer throw up, but unfortunately I replaced one eating disorder with another. People made me feel so bad about being overweight that I deliberately gave myself an eating disorder, which cause d my 20s to be very toxic. Going to high school in the 2000s was rough