Relapse - Tw in the start
Content / Trigger Warning
- Numbers (weight + lbs)
- Disordered thoughts
- Talk of starving
So recently I've been more open with one of my friends about my ed. And I suspect she has one too, or is at least disordered. We used to starve together and workout too. But we haven't really hung out in a while so we haven't been doing those things together. But I'm so jealous of her right now and it's making me really upset. I was doing okay this time around, I hadn't relapsed too bad, it was just one meal a day and more movement. But now I just don't want to eat at all. She's lost weight, and I'm just here at home barely doing anything. I feel so useless. I feel like I wasn't doing it right and that I should just not eat all together. I think the worst part is, I don't have a scale, so I have no real clue if I lost too. But I feel like I haven't. It doesn't look like I have anymore.
For my height I am considered overweight still. In the last few months of me on and off getting worse, I only lost 8lbs, the same 8lbs I've been losing and gaining for years. And I feel so disappointed in myself. It feels like I am failing at this now. Failing at being disordered. Failing at losing. I feel like I shouldn't say I have an ed anymore, because of this. I am so insanely jealous of her, and I want to lose faster but its so hard in my house. And I can't even track me losing weight since I don't have a scale. I don't know what to do and I just, I need advice, how can I stop thinking like this, or how can I lose without being super damaging/noticeable to others/ to my body?
Anything helps really. I just feel like such a bad friend for thinking like this
@kaola
Losing weight ... a healthy way is different for many people ....... it can be slower for some and i think that is the biggest item that makes people want to give up or do something rash........like starvation mode or over doing it with exercise etc
i too had tried and failed many times to lose ....... tried several plans/ programs /pills etc .. they may have worked for friend or family but did nothing for me...
the one thing i finally did was quit beating myself up over it ................took up walking and virtual challenges to see how much i can do for myself........ i quit thinking a number defines me.
I just wanted to be comfortable in my own self and i lost weight easily .... watch what i eat but up and down and starving yourself makes it worse tells your body not to burn calories to keep you going in starvation mode....
I am NOT going to tell you do this or that ......
but tell you try different things til you find what works for you ....
it is a lifestyle change not a diet .... not i will eat tiny until i get to some magic #....... then eat normally......... but a commitment to YOURSELF .........to do your best to take care of your health for the long run.
