Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel like Ed is taking control of my life again but I like it. I had to go off of major pain meds I had been on for a long time and the terrible withdrawal caused me to lose significant weight (I know because I bought a scale, which I haven't had in a long time). Life feels out of control right now so I want the control (and weight loss) Ed brings to it.
@courage27 - I know it's so easy to slip back into really wanting the eating disorder, but can you remember the reasons that you chose recovery before? What will you lose by going back to your disorder? Are there other ways you can feel in control of your life without this?
Thanks for the things to think about Anomalia. I know I chose recovery before because I didn't want to lose my career- my passion- teaching music. I couldn't do it for me at the time so I did it for my students/my collegues/my future. I had to leave that job though, I had injured my spine in a bad fall during a marching band rehearsal and couldn't keep up with the demanding schedule/duties (which actually led to my eating disorder- the natural weight loss from pain pills making me sick, then the need for control because life was out of control with the pain and I saw the number on the scale going down and found that as a way to control). Now I am in a job that is awful, I am terribly unhappy, it is teaching but I am not teaching what I love so I feel no passion/purpose right now. I know that if I go back to Ed I could lose teaching all together, I could end up in treatment again and I don't think this school would work with me on something like that (or even dead if it goes that far). Yet, it is hard to be motivated when I am so discouraged by this job. I am trying to work with my team on finding things that I can control right now even though I feel like things are out of control, so I will think on that.
Trying to help a teenager 18 with a sickness phobia. Is vegetarian for a year. Suffering depression & panic attacks. Off work for 6 weeks. Prescribed medication but won't take for fear of being sick. Totally hung up on dated food. How can I help
@lizzie49 - This post has some helpful tips for helping a loved one with an eating disorder. You can also reach out to me or another listener to talk in more detail about what's going on and what you think might help. If the teenager isn't seeing a therapist right now, that may also help significantly in getting through the phobias. Take care
Thanks for your reply
Back on my cycle again 11 days clean trying to focus and find new coping mechanisms. I just found out the other day that the guy I almost had a relationship his best friend went through bulimia so I'm going to see if I ever needed someone to talk to if I could talk to him and I see him quitenalot. It's just really nice to find someone who will understand what I went through.
@decembernight0608 - having someone around who understands what you're going through makes SUCH a difference. I'm glad you have someone new you can reach out to when you need it. Take care and stay strong!
I feel disgusting. I'm eating like a pig and I'm trying not to let it bother me but it hurts and I want to hurt myself every time I think about eating
@alyssa0206marie - I know it can be really hard to cope with, but try to be forgiving of yourself and to recognize that your body does need nutrition to thrive. You can do this.
My friend (boy+gay) is bulimic and self harms. He thinks he's fat and worthless. His family only recently found out about it but I've known for ages. He gets help from the doctors and a psych- he was prescribed anxiety pills but they didn't work... He struggles with binging and purging. I don't know what to do- I've been trying to help him for over a year and nothing seems to work.
@littleone12 - I responded to you in another thread, but I'll add here that the most important step to recovery is being ready to. Does your friend want to recover right now? if so, that leads in one path of ways to support him. If he doesn't, then it's different things that can help. More than anything, in either way, he needs you to continue to support him, but also to be his friend outside of this - make sure he knows that you're always there if he needs you and that you're happy to talk about it with him, but also that your friendship exists for fun, too, and that you don't need to talk exclusively about it, as that can get exhausting! Take care and good luck
Thank you this really helps... some days he'll be really open with me and say he wants things to change and then the next he'll cut me off and only have a bottle of water to 'eat'. He's angry at the fact that he has to put on weight and he hates the attention and help he's getting but at the same time he knows he needs it..
Absolutely disgusting. I know that not eating doesn't make you lose weight, (well, for how long I can go without being noticed), but I love the feeling of being empty. It's wonderful, but I need more. I need longer. I need less food, more water. It's control, and it feels good.
@screamingforsanity - I understand and remember those feelings, but I'm worried for you. I know it's not possible to recover before you're ready, but I hope you get there soon. And when you do, I want to help in any way I can. Take care and be safe.
I feel upset with myself for eating so poorly today. My relapses tend to be triggered by stress with school. It seems like every time I try to get better I fall back down the hole.
@th3commonc0ld - I have a three part rule for dealing with mistakes and slips.
1. Acknowledge it happened, understand what triggered it and how you might be able to avoid it in the future.
2. Forgive yourself for what happened.
3. Move on.
It's important to figure out if there are strategies for coping in other ways with the stressors in your life (music, walk outside, talk with a friend, hugging a stuffed animal, coloring, etc.). But after that, it's really important to forgive what happened and focus instead on things you can do going forward, not dwelling on the past.
You are strong, you are capable, and you are determined. You can do it.
It seems like a lot of people around me are making an effort to exercise more and eat better. I'm happy for them and I want to support them. I struggle though because I want to lose weight too. Every time I have tried to do it the healthy way, I fall back into old unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes I think I'll just always be unhappy with my weight no matter what it is.
@bravemelon7408 - I feel that way a lot. My coworkers and friends all like to talk about diets and losing weight, and it's really frustrating, especially when those who know I've struggled with an eating disorder do it. Unfortunately, you do know that starting down a healthy road can trigger you back to old habits, so you have to be a lot more careful than others. If you really are trying to lose weight in a healthy way, could you talk to a nutritionist about it to find something that works for you?
I ate way too much today. I feel fat and bloated and I hate myself right now. I'm going to make up for it tomorrow though :/
@Monarda - I know the inclination after eating more than you're comfortable with one day is to restrict the next to 'make up for it', but in my experience, that doesn't work. By restricting, you set yourself up for a later binge and just keep this in a massive and destructive cycle. Do you think you could try, instead, to forgive yourself for yesterday and go into today with a plan to eat a normal, healthy amount?
I want to but eating "normally" makes me feel as guilty as if I had binged.
