Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
The only time I can get myself to eat anymore is when I am high.
@emilyrush15 - I can really relate to that. I had a long period of time where I would drink to make eating easier. It really helped, but ultimately just gave me another problem I ultimately had to deal with. Do you think there's anything about how you feel when you're high that you can duplicate without drugs to still make eating easier?
Most of the time I need to force myself to eat, my parents make me do so....it's just making me feel sick and wanna throw up....
@AndreeaRo - I know how hard it is to force yourself to eat when your brain is screaming at you not to, but I also am glad that your body is getting some of the nourishment it needs. I hear you about the desire to get rid of it, but I hope you can fight through that and fight for recovery. If you ever need some extra support, feel free to reach out to me or any other listener. Take care
I've just been doing so terrible. Every day for more than a month now has been filled with binging on food, im dreading ever stepping onto a scale again. The last time i checked i was [edited for weight specifics / triggers by forum mentor]lbs, [edited]lbs for gods sake! That was two weeks ago, I know i have to be at least [edited] by now. I can only dream of being back down to [edited]. I keep telling myself "you can do it, you can do it. Just one day without binging," but i can never follow through. I cant handle this i just cant handle it, i don't know what im going to do.
@convivialFriend25 honestly I feel the exact same way. But I know that you look beautiful right now. You're amazing to have gone through all that. Make a meal just for you, have a little something extra. Treat yourself and give yourself the nutrition that you need, okay? It'll be okay, no matter how long it takes.
I thought I was doing very well not worrying about what I ate or what I weighed but today I ate a lot and feel fairly dumb for that and really wanted to throw up but I didn't so I guess that's a good step forward
@Unstoppable - That's absolutely a step forward and I'm really proud of you for it! Slips are a part of recovery, but how you deal with them and how quickly you get back on track are the most important part, and it sounds like you're fighting back and winning over the disease. You're so strong and you've got this!
I was doing alright up until yesterday. Yesterday I was actually happy with my body for once; I felt energetic and thin, until I realized that I under-eaten by a drastic amount. It only got worse today- I couldn't eat until 4 PM due to a religious fast and I had no energy and I couldn't stop thinking about food. After the fast ended, we had some guests over and I ended up binging for the first time in awhile. Hopefully next week will turn out a little better.
@Goog - The best thing you can do right now is to forgive yourself and move forward. It sounds like you know what caused the binge, so now next time you can be a little more aware leading into fasts that you need to be careful and eat enough in advance to not feel so poorly by the end. And that's all you needed to learn from this, so now it's time to be kind to yourself and to set about making today a healthy one, regardless of what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow. Take care and take this one step at a time!
I decided to keep track of my days on my calendar and i set a date and goal of how many days i wanted to be clean. Well today is my 30 days clean. I've had thoughts of purging but I haven't the fact that i finally made it this far is so rewarding to me and I really hope nothing gets in the way of my recovery right now.
@decembernight0608 - WOOHOOO!!! I am so incredibly proud of and impressed by you and your hard work! Congratulations and may this be the start of a long and happy recovery!
I lost a competition - I'm very competitive. Through the entire awards ceremony, I was tempted to sneak into the bathrooms to purge. I never went through with it though. I'm still holding out! But it was so hard to not give in.
I'm so happy for you! Being a (secretly) competitive person as well, I know how it feels when things don't go as you wanted it to. I think the important thing is to remember this isn't life or death, and there are always other chances for you to excel/win. In fact, you have already won something-the strength not to give in to your desires, therefore harming yourself. I'm proud for you! :)
I feel confused because I don't know what's wrong with me. I purge usually from stress or when I feel full, but don't necessarily binge or have the mindset that I want to lose weight when I do it. The side effects I have faced from doing this oddly causes me calm because all I can think is ouch and it just makes me feel like better. I feel alone, because no one around me has the slightest knowledge as to what's going on. I went to a guidance counsellor at school for self harming, but then I started to avoid her like the plague and never have I admitted to purging. It's just a overwhelming mess where I don't know if I even have an eating disorder, I want help but I don't want it at the same time, and I worry about actually dying from it.
@ittybittybelle - I can't officially diagnose you because I'm not a therapist or doctor, but it does sound like it could be an eating disorder and is definitely dangerous, regardless. A lot of people use their eating disorder as a way to feel in control or as a coping mechanism, whether or not it starts as a desire to lose weight, so what you're describing is definitely normal within an eating disorder.
You said that you're worried about dying, and you're right to. Purging is incredibly dangerous and can have really serious health impacts. Do you feel like you could maybe talk to your counselor at school about it? If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me or any other listener. Take care and be safe.
i was at a week without purging and today i relapsed.
@embbright Hear me out, you are amazing for going a whole entire week without purging. You are so strong and that definitely showed. You are amazing, no matter how many times you fall. No matter how many times you relapsed, you made success and you made someone out there proud. To me, relapse is normal. It is very hard, though, emotionally and physically, but you've been so strong for so long. I know you can get right back up because you are a fighter. I believe in you and I am here for you. I, along with so many others on here, want to help you <3
Well, after a weeks worth of hard work, I was finally closing in to my target goal, which was [edited for weight specifics / triggers by forum mentor]lbs. I binged yesterday, after which I felt horrible of course. I tried something new to myself however, purging, and I felt relieved afterwards, I'm going to try doing it more when no one is around. Are there any negatives to doing so? I heard one can contract diseases due to the stomach acid.
@InnocenceKuchiki - there are a lot of really serious risks to purging and it can cause an enormous amount of damage to your body. Risks range from weakening your bones to causing digestive tract and kidney failure to electrolyte balances that can weaken your heart and even kill you.
I've had Bulimia for about 12 years, and the cycle of binging is one addiction-- however purging scientifically has been proven to intensify the binges as well as increase the amount of calories you retain in a "normal" binge. In the Binge and Purge cycle, I've never ended up doing anything but gain weight (at least 80% of your calories will be absorbed before you have the chance to purge). I HAVE however, paid over 8,000$ for a month in a treatment center, lost all my friends because of the obsession that develops from the cycle, and lost most trust from my family. I would recommend you stay as far away from purging as possible, and invest in a Radical Self Acceptance course. :)