Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel like a mess. I feel trapped in this zone of disordered eating that doesn't force me into therapy, but damages my body none the less. I haven't been able to stop and it's been roughly seven years. I want to stop. I just feel so hopeless, because nothing's worked yet. I'm scared of what I'm doing to my body.
@LunaTriangle - That desire to get better is the first step. You have the strength to fight back and the determination not to quit. It's not easy, but you can do it.
I really want to just purge so badly right now.
Me too. What are your favorite distraction techniques?
Music, reading, drawing, or playing guitar. They force me to think/focus on something else. You?
I dont want help but when I do what to talk to someone about it they look at me and judge no one believe I have one just because I am not as bad as someone else. It is like they want you to be on your death bed before they believe you and take you serious.
@mylifekilla88 - It is frustrating how many people are unable to see that weight is not the only indicator of health, but I believe you and I know that you are suffering, no matter what your size. And you deserve to get help and support to heal, even though you don't feel like you want it just yet. Take care and be safe.
GUESS WHO HASN'T COUNTED CALORIES IN TWO DAYSS!!!! sorry just happy i even ate some fear foods 
THAT'S AMAZING!! Keep it up love!! <3
@ScreamingForSanity haha thank you, going for day 3!! :)
@jomgj - AHHH!!! That's so awesome and I am crazy proud of and happy for you! Keep up the AWESOME recovery work!
@Anomalia not 100% sure if this is a recovery but i know i need to just try for as long as possible because i had surgery and if i want to get better food=fuel! but its so much less stressful and im happy thank you :)
Am I the only one who gets a craving for calories? Like just the need to consume calories? Not food, not for the energy, just because my body says "hey lets go eat really unhealthy stuff for the calories." I hate it so much. I already tried to stop purging, and it worked for a while.. Now I feel like I'm going backwards.
@ScreamingForSanity - I can definitely relate to that uncontrollable urge to just eat. One thing that has helped me, both with resisting binges and purging, is to put a 20 minute rule in place. When I want to do one of those, I give myself permission, but first I have to wait 20 minutes. That permission helps calm me down, and then I use the 20 minutes to do something either distracting or recovery-oriented to help dampen the urge. It doesn't work every time, but often 20 minutes is enough to not feel that same need. Not sure if it will help you, but I hope you find something effective! Take care
I feel horrible.y disorder is growing so much stronger recently. I have been doing fairly okay the last year. Gained so much confidence in my inward self and stopped focusing so much on my outward shell. Did some soul searching and fixing. But I don't know what is happening to me. Lately I just am getting those very se thoughts creeping back in slowly each day, the ones whom I've fought against for so damn long. And it just drains me. I fight and I fight and then I realize I am not fighting anything except my own self.
@AlienDrag0nfliez - It's tough because those ED thoughts are insidious and come out when you least expect them. When you're having them, can you take a step back and separate out what thoughts are your disorder talking and which ones are your true self? What helped you over the last year when things were going better? Did you have a support network to lean on that you can reach out to again? Don't hesitate to reach out to me or another listener if you need some extra support right now. Take care and be safe.
No it's weird I can't seem to explain what jump started it but it was like I got shocked one day and my mind switched on to see everything differently. I wanted to embrace my weirdness embrace the good I do when helping others who struggle. It's weird I can only express it by saying my mind told me if not now then when and if not you than who? Type of thing. But it's just so hard. Everyday I deal with the thoughts I know it's something I'll have all my life. But I think I just keep running. Running away from the root of some problems by focusing on everyone and everything else until one day I actually look hard in the mirror and BAM all over again like day 1
@AlienDrag0nfliez - That all makes a lot of sense. Sometimes there isn't a clear moment or event that jump-starts recovery, it's just a realization or a sudden change in thought. But that doesn't mean it can't come back. What options have you explored to help you with recovery? Have you looked into any formal treatment or therapy to help you sort through the root of it?
Scared...so scared of eating...I can't act normal anymore..this food is destroying me..I'm hurting people..I'm so worthless
@Shallan - You are absolutely not worthless. You are a human being who is struggling with something so unbelievably hard, and you deserve love and support to help you fight. Do you have anyone you can reach out to tonight to help you out? Or can you reach out to a listener for some support? Take care and be safe.
I feel very tired of this ED. Sometimes I don't think it'll ever fully go away. It's forever lurking in the back of my mind.
@braveMelon7408 - I think it's not always about it 100% going away. Even if the thoughts go, you'll always carry the experience with you, but that can come with some good, too. Having recovered from an eating disorder has made me a stronger, more resilient, and more empathetic person. I still have the thoughts occasionally, but now I have the strength to fight back against them and not allow them to take over. And you can get there, too. I know that you can.
Im slowly starting to feel better and have managed to limit my binging to maybe once a week which I am really proud of
But since i started eating normally i am starting to worry about putting on too much weight...i know i need it but I stil have a fight with myself over it as my increased calories are making me very bloated most days but im really struggling through and sticking to it with support from friends . I just hope i stop feeling so guilty despite encouragement from others so that i dont relapse
@purplegreen - It takes time for your body to adjust to new food patterns, so it's normal to feel a little bloated right now, but as your body gets used to eating more normally, it will start to react better. Just try to keep taking it a day at a time and be patient with yourself while things go back to normal. You can do it.
41 days...but it's been getting harder this past week. I weighed myself for the first time in months and it keeps running in my head. Trying to figure out why am I not good enough? Why am i the way I am? Why am I always second and not first? For once in my life I want to be chosen first instead of always playing second string. I just feel myself drowning.
@decembernight0608 - It can be so hard not to focus on that number once you have seen it, but can you try redirecting those thoughts a bit? The strength it took to get to 41 days far surpasses what most people you know have been through. The courage it took to be vulnerable and open up here for help is something truly special and above what most can do. The patience you have shown with yourself shows a level of kindness many don't have. There are so many ways in which you are not just good enough, but truly exceptional and even when it's easier to focus on the others, these are still there.