Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?

I am feeling overwhelmed and out of my element when it comes to school and my BED. I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of perpetual failure and regret, but thankfully i have been trying harder lately to work out and do other things I wouldn't normally do for the sake of my health :) <3

Frustrated. Like a clumsy fat girl, I accidentally spilled coffee on my lap (My legs are fine, though.). Maybe God doesn't want me having those calories anyway.

I don't recognize myself

I feel disgusted. I was guilted into eating a full lunch while at work, I didn't know that was going to happen so I was caught off guard and I couldn't plan. I am afraid that I might run into that again but yet I just don't know so I am just like panicked about do I not eat anything else in case I go to work and there is food. I feel out of control.

I Know i should let go of it..but every time I do it again..I somehow muss it even more.. why did I even started?!

I hate looking at myself every day, I hate what I see. I think I need food to live but then I see what it does to me. I am losing hope in so much in life, I don't know if this is any different :(

Hey ED Community? Where/how do I find the motivation to eat when I just don't want to?

and of course ED doesn't want me to either, so that doesn't help. It is now 10 min before 8pm - still have not had supper.

Feeling sad, confused, upset, and quite alone. ~ Platy

I went to our recovery meeting tonight. It is general recovery for anything: alcohol, drugs, co-dependency, anxiety, depression, to name a few. Near the very end I was talking with a friend of mine (from the group) and she was suggesting little snacks and maybe to try like 6 little meals every day instead of the pressure of thinking about, planning for, taking the time to make, and then further time to eat a "full meal." What is a full meal anyway :(

She also suggested buying some of the 'Ensure' or Ensure-like product - sort of a meal replacement in a can, often used for elderly patients. I've tried those, they are alright. And again, especially lately, drinking calories and nutrients is a whole lot easier than eating them :(

But then I've met people who are fed with a stomach tube so ALL they get is a liquid diet. I'd prefer to be at least a couple of steps above that. For those who need it, I'm glad it is there but thankfully no one is prescribing that type of treatment for me.

See? I am still in control of some of this; I am, aren't I?

................................................ ~ Platy, feeling down, discouraged, tired

@DancingAlong @Anomalia and more ...

A few months ago it was eat even a little a day was a success. Keep some consistency each day a bit more success and now I hate myself more, I am becoming more and more ugly and fat. I am a reject to everyone. To family, to so called friends, to even strangers. I am even a reject on here and I try to pretend it doesn't matter but I am made to feel worthless. Wait it's not a feeling it's what I am.

How do I actually feel today? (sad smile)

I feel like if I were to count days "in recovery" today might be day 1. It's been a good day overall. ED has been talking as usual, but for some reason - learning more about ED and his ways, I suppose - it's been easier to ignore or refute him today. Not that I'm eating great or as a "normal" person would ... but I think today may be some better.

I had an appointment with a doctor/counselor this afternoon. I was on time! = early. I answered most of her questions (and refused to answer at least one - which is actually good). But I answered them all honestly. She said she would call or email me her recommendations for referral, after talking with a colleague. This is good.

I just hope her call doesn't wake me in the early AM tomorrow.

@Laura @Anomalia @blossombreathe @jr50 @obLIVionKateL @obLIVionKate @rozie @InvaderStitch @MelAllyouneedislove @sunset7 @nenz