Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
Today I'm feeling fairly well. It's day 3 as we know. I had a little hiccup the other day restarting my recovery and had to start over, but so far it's going good I'm prying to make it to day five that's my goal it's what I want.
I have been on and off since my early teens and now I'm over 30. I have been in therapy for 5 years and have quit 5 years ago.
Today I honestly feel like crap. I went to a party yesterday, and even if I purged several times during the party, I kept looking at all the food and feeling as if I had eaten it all. It made me feel relieved. but today I feel horrible because tomorrow I'll go back to the working crap routine.
If going to therapy weren't so expensive, I'd go back like a toddler crying for her mommy. Looking at my ageing body, adjusting to sizes that I have never been, is damn pverwhelming
@oliveolive - I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much, and especially that even though you want to be in therapy, it's too expensive for you. I know some therapists will offer sliding scale payments based on what you can afford - that might be worth looking into to see if you can get some more support. I also had a lot of luck with free support groups. They aren't the same as therapy, but they can still really help in terms of processing what you're feeling and being able to talk openly with people who get it. And, of course, there are always listeners on here. Hope you can find some extra support - stay strong!
I keep bouncing between 7 stone and 15. I get binge months where I put on around a stone every 4 weeks, which then follows with periods of barely anything and too much exercise. How on earth do you find a balance? It just terrifies me at both ends of this, I'm only a short girl so it all is so noticeable :(
@Tepphy - It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed trying to find that balance, and I agree - that can be really hard. Have you ever talked to anyone about it to try to dig down into what sits underneath all of this? I know it can be really tough to open up, and I think it's great that you're reaching out here. Take care!
Hi, thanks for your response, I really appreciate it :) I'm being treated for anxiety, depression and dissociative disorder so they keep telling me it's due to medication changes which doesn't really help the problem as I feel like it's been an issue longer than I've been on medications for my moods. It is overwhelming me - there's too much going on to have to worry about it alongside all my responsibilities and it just feels like every time I try to get help, it gets swept under the rug under the guise of something else. I'm trying to keep up my nutrient uptake through meal replacement shakes such as Complan when I just can't bring myself to eating, but I have no clue if that's actually helpful or just encouraging myself :S
It's day 4 and I'm on edge and it's only 8:45 am. I'm really emotional right now and I just feel like crying. I haven't eaten anything yet, but part of me wants to just starve myself so I don't have the relapse of purging. I think that with me being so emotional right now it might be a trigger, but I'm not sure yet. I just want to forget everything that has happened to me this year and start over new and not feel so sad and blah.
@decembernight0608 - I didn't see this earlier, but I hope your day is going a little better than it started. I can completely relate to the urge to just start over and erase everything that's happened. As soon as I figure out how, I'll let you know! :) In the meantime, I keep reminding myself that everything is a learning experience and that I wouldn't be who I am today without all of the stuff that's happened. That sometimes helps. At any rate, hope you're doing well and have a good evening! Getting to day 4 is huge, and I'm really proud of you!
Hey @decembernight0608 - how have the last few days been going? Are you feeling any better?
@Anomalia Hey beautiful! I'm I'm doing fairly better I relapsed on day 4 last week so here I am again trying to make it. I'm in day three and it's been a fairly steady week. I've been eating somewhat normal but I always feel that maybe I'm overeating or maybe the fact that I haven't eaten much and my body is starting to get use to it because my stomach feels like it's exploding. I've been taking everything and a steady pace this week in hopes of reaching day 5. It helps that I have a good friend who is always telling me how wonderful and amazing of a person I am and he just really cares about me and it makes me feel good. I'm a back in the state where I'm not a fan of body st the moment because I went swimming the other day and wished I looked like everyone else who wore a bathing suit while I wore a shirt and shoets. It's getting better and hard at the same time.
Glad to hear you're taking things slowly and getting some great support from your friend. With regards to the discomfort of eating more than you were - that's totally normal. When I started recovery from restricting, it felt super uncomfortable to have more food in my stomach, even though I was by no means over-eating. It takes time for your body to remember what a normal meal feels like. In the meantime, for some, it helps to eat more frequent but smaller meals to spread it out a little more while still getting all the nutrients you need.
In terms of swimsuit season, all I can say is I feel your pain! The way our culture is set up, it's easy to feel uncomfortable with our bodies even without having an ED, and to layer that on top of it can make it really unbearable. I think if adding layers makes you more comfortable, that's great. I was always big on shorts over my swimsuit just to give me one less thing to worry about - whatever works, works.
At any rate, keep up the great work! Your strength and determination are incredibly inspiring, and I'm excited to keep hearing about your journey. You're making amazing progress and I couldn't be happier for you for that. <3
Binge Eater (On-going battle)/ Bulimia (semi-recovered)
I want to scoop out my own gut, been binge eating a lotbecuaseI've felti'mworthless and i can't find the strength to talk to my friends. I feel alone. I miss throwing up- i hate keeping food inside my stomach. i want to starve myself.
I'm ashamed because otherwise I have a happy life and idk why I'm so sad all the time. I feel i'm spiriling.
@yawningpanda - I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so alone and sad right now. It sounds like you have a lot going on and it's pretty overwhelming. I can definitely understand how hard it is to open up to friends about things like this - have you tried talking to a listener here? Sometimes starting with a stranger can make it easier to open up to people in your life later, once you're more used to talking about it in general. Take care!
I am feeling fidgety on edge and I little sick because I dont feel hungry at all but I haven't eaten barely anything all day
@Nonipony - Sorry to hear you're feeling so fidgety and down right now. I don't have any real words of wisdom to offer, but I'll be thinking of you and hope you're doing well. Not feeling hungry when you know you need to eat makes it that much more challenging, but you are strong and you can do what you need to for your recovery. I believe in you.
So last week I purged everyday, sometimes twice in a day even. My stomach stung. School started this week so I have been more occupied, my third day not purging but honestly, I don't accomplished. I am so busy and tired; I want to be able to overcome it when I am not busy. I constant find distractions but they get so tiring and when they are gone, I start again. :(
@JoyfulJenny - I can understand how it feels like less of an accomplishment because it wasn't necessarily a deliberate change, but it still is good progress. Even if you go back, having a few days where you didn't purge was good for your body. And going without purging for a few days helps slowly retrain your body to not feeling the need as intensely after every meal. Both of these mean that when you do stop deliberately, it will be a tiny bit easier, and that's great news to me!
I hope your stress decreases a bit so that you can focus on your recovery for you. Take care
So i made a resolution to kick this bulimia in its ass!(sorry about the language!) I thought I was doing great! I had stopped throwing up! But I was hooked on laxatives, and then I decided to cut back on the laxatives so i started restricting my food intake again now i cant eat more than 500 calories a day or i panic. I exercise for at least an hour a day. So technically its healthier- except I am back to being obsessed with every calorie that goes into my body!
Anyways today- I was going strong felt great! Then I ate dinner and panicked- it was not high in calorie and was still within my designated amount- however I felt full and I hated the feeling I never wanted to purge so badly in my life my confidence dropped and I felt as if the only way to fix things were by purging to make a long story short i DID NOT PURGE i managed to keep everything down! But honestly i thought i would feel stronger after i beat that but i just feel like crap and keep on going through my calories to "calm" myself.
@Sarzgb - I know it felt like crap to not purge, but CONGRATULATIONS!!! That was a huge step!!! Frankly, starting to recover really sucks sometimes, and it can be crazy hard to feel good about the progress when your body is still rebelling, but that is still progress, and I am super proud of you for it, as well as for your determination!
What helped me most was setting small goals and focusing on what was in front of me at that moment, and it sounds like you're starting to do that - despite whatever happened before with laxatives or restricting, in the moment that you are sitting down to dinner, the goal is just to get through that particular meal and not purge. You can worry about other meals later, and whatever happened before is over. I find focusing on just the one meal without all the history or future can be less overwhelming and helped me succeed in my goals more often.
At any rate, you are so impressive and strong, and you can beat this!
My goal that i set for myself is eating 500 calories a day and not purging. I know that may sound to some people as crazy, but I think its what I need to do, and hopefully slowly I can work it from there,
Thanks for your advice, its good to know that their are others out there who are similar to me and facing similar struggles. I have to admit I was a little frustrated that I couldnt feel proud of myself - all I was thinking was that most normal people do not purge, so its not something I should even be do so why should i feel accomplished that i am acting normal!
Maybe most 'normal people' don't purge, but I think everyone has their own struggles, and overcoming them is an accomplishment. If you were really good at math, for instance, and almost always got As without even trying too hard, someone else who struggles in math and was previously failing might have worked really hard to get a C. That's not something that you would be proud of, but they have every right to be, because that's a big effort and big achievement for them. Similarly, someone who doesn't struggle with an eating disorder might think that your struggle or your goal is easy and that eating normally is just a simple thing, but for you, it's a big accomplishment to not purge.
I think the goal you've set it a great starting place, and as that gets more doable, you can slowly increase the calories up to a level that is appropriate for your age, body type, etc. But taking it one step at a time is key, and it sounds like you're doing just that. Keep it up!
Hey i am new here... I actualy recovered from anorexia.. At least i thought so for 2 years... And today with all the stress i deal with like exames, relationship with my boyfriend and friends... I kind of went few steps back... It'a been a struggel eat or not to eat ever since the exames started... On one heand i feel like i don't deserve anything and i have to prove what i never did... But on the outher heand i feel like i didn' recover for nothing i want to live with out worries about calories and stuff... It is a struggel and i am so glad i found a comunity like that one i mean tumbler just makes it worse :)... Sorry for my bed english and my long post... :/
@malapupa1996 - welcome to 7 Cups of Tea; I'm really glad you found it! Eating disorders are tough because often even when you've been in recovery for a while, certain triggers can cause you to slip. But by identifying that early (which you have) and reaching our for support (which you're doing right now), you can stop it before you go back to where you were. Try to just be really mindful of how you are feeling and what causes you to feel that way so that you can continue on your journey of recovery and not let this take you off the path. And please reach out to listeners here or to someone in your life for any support you need. Take care
Thank you so much... I will try to stay on my path to recovery and i defenetly mean to use these app a lot :)
I no longer suffer from it but I used to binge and purge. I felt like a zombie that HAD to eat as much as I could. Alternatively I felt like it would be the worst thing in the world if I kept the food down.
@EmptyBlueBox - glad to hear you're no longer struggling with it!
