Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
So the past three days has kind of been a bit of a haze of eating purging sleeping over and over again - then today I hit a new low for me I purged three times - i actually wanted to stop but i felt that i had to, i was in control but not at the same time. So after that I did my excersize cut my laxative amount that i have been taking in half and headed to bed I really want this week to be an amazing week. not one with restricting because i know it'll just lead me back to where i started. I know i have said this before and have lasted about a week. However this time I'm going to try doing it with eating enough calories. I know it'll be a challenge! But its now or never I guess!
@Sarzgb - I'm so sorry to hear that the last few days have been so rough, but I love seeing your determination for the week ahead. Just remember to be kind and forgiving to yourself along the way - this isn't easy at all, and sometimes slips happen. Acknowledge them, understand why they happened, and then let go of them and just focus on better things to come. Stay strong, sweetie - you can do this!
For the last three weeks I haven't ate really a meal I ate prob a small meal only 5 days in 3 weeks all I have been drinking is ice tea becuseof that I haven't been loosing a lot of waight but I still lost a lot idk what to do anymore
@MaddieCakes555 - I'm so glad you're reaching out here - I know it can be really hard to do that, and I appreciate your courage and your honesty. It sounds like things are really tough right now, but that you might be ready to start changing it. Have you talked to anyone in your life about what's happening and about your eating? If you're not ready for that, reaching out to a listener on here might help you to get some extra support. Right now you're headed down a really dangerous path, and I don't want to see you land there. Please reach out for support if you need it. Take care, lovely.
Im kind of a mix of emotions right now- on the one hand I made it through a day without purging!! I am really proud of myself for that. However I feel so fat! I feel like i kind of blew up more overnight. Imcrossing my fingers that I DO NOT feel like this tommorrowbecause I dont know if im strong enough to continue on if i still feel like this.
@Sarzgb - congratulations, that's a huge accomplishment! You should be so proud of yourself!
I know it's hard to cope with the feelings of fullness and your body's reaction to the food, but if you can trust your body and give it a little time, it will even out. There's an initial shock to it when you change your behaviors, but it will settle, if you let it. Take care today.
I'm really proud that I made it to day 7, but I'm feeling extremely emotional and sad and just thinking about everything all at once that I feel like I'm going to purge, but I'm trying my hardest not to. It's going to be a long day.
If it's a hard day, it might be a good one to reach out for some extra support, either from a friend or family member in your life or from a listener on here. Take care of yourself today, and remember that it's totally OK to struggle and to have bad days, and also totally OK to get help from people when you need it. You deserve to feel the love around you.
And..... Almost done day 2!!!!!!!!!!!Imreally proud of myself i have to say (which is rare)!!! I think my mom found outabout mybulemiaor realized something is wrong-imannoyed she found out because i feel that its easier for me to overcome thiswithout having her know- and i think she read an email i sent to someone about this- which is really upsetting to me because it is private- she asked me if alls good and ifI'mhealthy....... I thinkthis is one of the first time ijust outright lied and said yes- today she asked me a bunch oftimes what i ate blah blah to eat more- for me this was just an addedstress and i had to work triple as hard not to purge- and go through a whole round ofbingeing/purging!!
Counting the hours till today is over! - I hope I don't screw it up now!!!
@Sarzgb - congratulations on day 2 - that's fantastic! Your perseverance through this is so admirable.
As to your mom finding out, that's definitely hard, and I can understand feeling upset that she found it through going through your email. Do you think that she might be able to help support you, though? I know with my mom, she didn't know the right things to say and often pushed and added stress, as you're saying, but I wonder if telling her what would be more helpful to you would help her direct her efforts in a way that supports your recovery, rather than adds stress.
Regardless, I think you're doing an amazing job, and keep it up! You're so strong and you can do this!
I feel. So. F*cking. Fat.
@littlelime3322 - I'm so sorry you're feeling that way right now. It can be really hard to ditch that feeling or work on your recovery when you're overwhelmed by it. One thing that helps a lot of people is just 'faking it' until it works - you can look in the mirror every day and tell yourself you are beautiful, smart, strong, etc. At first it will feel silly and you won't listen to yourself, but with time, it can be easier and easier to hear it and believe it. Take care.
Thank you for trying to help me :)
My emotions have definitely been all over the place but writing has helped to release those emotions I'm currently almost towards the end of day 9 and I'm so proud and excited and literally about to cry about how happy I am. I honestly never though I could make it this far with all those set backs that I had with only reaching it to day 3 so I hope I can improve more and not purge or binge. It does help that I've been going over to a friend's house so it keeps my mind busy but it doesn't help that it's the friend who I almost had a relationship with and is now back with his girlfriend and expecting a third child I know that would all be complicated I just really liked him a lot and still do he means a lot to me. I still have insecurity issues who doesnt? So I've been trying to reassure myself that this is the way I'm made I'm suppose to be thick and beautiful. It's just going to take a lot of convincing.
@decembernight0608 - as always, you continue to impress me so much. You are showing such phenomenal strength and I am so excited to get to watch as you continue to succeed. Nine days is HUGE!!!
Insecurity is definitely hard to get over, but with time it really does get easier, and I think that starting to tell yourself that you are beautiful in the body you're meant to have is a great start. Keep up the awesome work, and stay strong!
Wow day 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew! Yesterday was one of my hardest days yet! I never wanted to purge so badly before but thank god i didnt give in! Today was much easier thank god- i think it was because i was around people the entrie day..... Anyways my mom asked me straight out today if im bulemic- well not in those words but she was like do u have a problem with food.. Purging.... I wanted so badly to say yes, but i couldntget the words oit of my mouth and say so- i may be wrong but i think im better off where i am now then making it into a big deal woth people - I feel that by going through this on my own its not as much of a "thing" so im not as enchained to it- and i dont have to have it describe me.
@Sarzgb - WOOHOO!!!!!! I'm so excited and impressed to hear how far you've made it already! Your strength and determination are amazing and I couldn't be happier to get to see some of your successes!
As for telling people vs. dealing with this on your own, I think that one's totally up to you. For most, having a support system is really helpful to lean on when it's hard, go to when you're struggling or feeling vulnerable, help hold you accountable, and celebrate with you. That said, it's totally up to you - this is your journey and your decision! It sounds like for now, doing this on your own is working, so go for it! It's good to know that if you ever do decide you need to talk to someone, your mom is there for you and already might have an idea.
Keep up your amazing work! Stay strong
I hardly eat anything. I wanna be better but I can't help but feel guilty every time I eat.
@StiTchesx - Guilt is often really prevalent with eating disorders, and it can be incredibly hard to get past, but the fact that you want to get better is a huge first step towards health. And I know that reaching out and opening up can be really hard, so I'm thrilled that you've reached out to this community.
It sounds like you could use some extra support as you try to start eating more - do you have any family or friends that you are able to talk to about this? There are also some great listeners on this site who would be happy to talk through how you're feeling and work through some of the guilt with you. Take care, and please keep reaching out for the support you need.
I'm so fuckingdisgusting.
@sunspirit - I have felt that too many times before, and I know that saying otherwise doesn't mean you'll believe it, but I promise you that you aren't disgusting. You are human, you are struggling, you need support, but you are the farthest thing from disgusting. If you ever want to talk through where you're at or just get some extra support, please reach out to one of the listeners here. Take care